Roll Call 190

Retail therapy, lol.

I'm gonna try and pretend that waking up late never even happened. I drank a really strong coffee and took the afternoon stim. I'll have a shower and clean my room - It might make me feel better.

I just didn't want to wake up today. I'm drained by life. But I need to keep pushing forward..

Hugs Desoxyn. It sounds like you have a plan. Can you come clean my room when you're done?

I see. I think this has a chance to be popular. I bet there are many people who love doing ikebana but is taken aback by how expensive it is.

All I can do is stare at the new tab on my computer screen

What can unfreeze me?

it’s perfectly okay to stare at the wall and do nothing | The Arcturus Project

Why does staring at the wall feel good? I don't know, I just want to look at the wall and not think about anything and it feels good. - Quora

"I don't know what to tell u because I'm not a,psychiatrist. But, this obsession with a wall doesn't seem healthy. You can't do this for the rest of your life. Talk to your family doctor and they'll set u up with a psychiatrist"

Lol what..

YAY!!!

I think it's a form of meditation.

Yeah I think so as well. Lately I've just been in dysphoia though not sure why.

Man I’m really craving chicken nuggets

My care manager texted me today. I was wondering why I hadn’t heard back from her for over a week but she said she just got back to work and was out because she had Covid. Glad she’s okay.

Got my jury note…..

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Yeah! Do you have to get one every time or did your pdoc write you one for permanent? My pdoc just wrote me a permanent one, just last month.

I still need to get one every time, in this state it must be a total and permanent disability to get out forever which I don’t really have.

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Oh I see.


I was expecting a one-time one because sometimes my hallucinations aren't that bad and I could probably serve on the jury. But he wrote me a permanent one so as long as I don't move from this county I won't have to get another excuse written. They sent me a card in the mail and if I get another summons I just make a copy of the card and send it in. Sounds easy enough.

I didn't want to go to aftercare last night (like usual) but (like usual) I was glad that I went. It was on vulnerability and there was a Ted talk by Brene Brown. Love her! There was a discussion and a mediation and it was good.

I'm feeling depressed though. I think it is a full blown depression. At first I thought my mood was just low but now I think it is a depressive episode. Shucks.


I am already on two anti-depressants and three anti-psychotics and one anti-anxiety medication. I am on the highest doses of the anti-depressants so I don't think that my pdoc can do anything except take me off and try something else which I am not really keen on doing and I don't see him until 3-2-22.


I talk to my T on Monday but I gotta get through the weekend first. Maybe some painting would help.

I think the painting will help, if just a little bit.

I feel exhausted today….it was just stressful going to see the doc in person for my jury note, I get so worked up with anxiety and then someone rear ended us. Everyone in both cars was ok and there is no visible damage but the bumper is a little loose.

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So glad you're ok!

Wow, SP! Glad you're okay.

Man I was just looking at my labs and my a1c suggests I’m prediabetic and the doc didn’t even mention it…..

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I am too, though my doctor mentions it every time I see her. I'm like I'm trying to do the diet and exercise thing but it isn't helping!

These APs are impossible to deal with with metabolism. I used to fight it and I was still overweight so I gave up but I guess it’s worse now. I’m not even sure what I can eat with this now. I need to see a primary care. I think I’m going to trash my candy because if it’s here I’ll eat it. Do you have any resources on the diet and exercise thing?

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