Roll Call 190

Well thankfully Stash seemed to be okay with me being gone for so long, I've never left her longer than an hour or so, I was gone for 6 hours today. She' was really happy to see me of course though when I got home, she was snuggling. That's good to know, that I don't have to worry too much about her whenever I get a part-time job and am gone 15 or so hours out of the week every week. I missed her while I was gone though, I kept thinking about her and worrying about her, I have separation anxiety with my cat Lol

i like the long shifts but i prefer to have a day off inbetween instead of all 4 in a row. i dont get a lunch break either so im literally standing on my feet for 9 hrs straight lol

my feet are so sore and swollen

and i saw someone get fired today

I smoked weed and had insights - I wrote a page of them down. But they are incomplete scribblings.

Everything seems like it's not moving. I'm in the dark... Not much happening - But the whole world, chaos. So much of it.

My mom says that it's hot in the house. It is.. (24C). But I feel so cold.

So I turned on the Dyson fan to heat.

I put my hands under hot water and can't feel the heat - and my hands still turn red.

This kind of freaks me out

Maybe the water isn't heated much in the boiler

Are you feeling dissociated? That can kind of make you feel numb, disconnected

My mom says that the people upstairs ran a bath just recently. She put her hand underneath and it wasn't that hot.

Fack.. I freak out. I do get dissociated because I don't remember anything.. I don't get DP/DR anymore because of the olanzepine though - But the philosophy of illusion reality will stay with me forever.

The pandemic life has killed my already fragile mind lol..

That burger and fries from McDonald's yesterday was so good. My friend and I were just randomly talking about food and I mentioned how I had been craving hamburgers for awhile and he said he was craving them too so he bought some for us. That was really nice of him. Next time we hang out and I have some extra money I'll buy some McDonalds for us too.

I've been playing the new Pokémon game a lot today. Having a lot of fun with it.

Tomorrow I need to go to the library to return some books

Thomas Insel…..former head of the NIMH just wrote a book

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My spirit is very very tired

Is Your Soul Tired? Here is Why and How to Fix It - Forever Conscious

Nondualism - Wikipedia

God there's so much information to get into I can't do it

How’s it been going? They ran a bunch of tests and they’re concerned still so I have an appointment with an ear nose and throat doctor on Tuesday (phone call) and they’re going to schedule me sometime for a biopsy.

I keep worrying and it keeps me up at night. Doctor gave me a script for a sleep med. I don’t take it if I had any alcohol so I didn’t take it tonight so it’s 2+ hours into trying to sleep and I can’t sleep I keep thinking.

What else… well I was going to take a shower tonight but when I got upstairs to the shower I just gave up and went to bed instead. I’ll have a shower before Thursday (I have a doctors appointment in person).

And that’s pretty much it. Been watching a lot of news with the stupid protests. School is giving me stress I still can’t focus. And work is work. Sometime I feel overwhelmed with it and just freeze which creates a backlog for myself.

Oh well. I guess I’ll go back to trying to sleep.

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My sleep schedule is all wrong because of binge watching Gunsmoke. I hope I'll make it to the special breakfast. Happy Valentine's day, roll call!

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Hugs cog……

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Sorry Cogladaid, I hope things get better for you

It's good to hear from you, I was wondering how you were. What kind of breakfast are you having there?

Happy Valentine's Day! I gave Stash some treats for the holiday, she's my little buddy. I plan on making a nice breakfast later. Scrambled eggs w/ fresh spinach cooked in them, a buttered Pillsbury grands biscuit, and a clementine

How do they get away with not giving you a lunch break? Not to pry or anything, but that is for sure illegal in the U.S.

Ugh my case manager is coming up to meet with me today, she's never been in my apartment before, I'm nervous

it actually depends on your states labor laws, and in my state your employer isnt required to give you a break

My thoughts are all over the place today - I think I need to take more olanzapine...

Ah I didn't know that. Dang. Can you bring snacks maybe?