Roll Call 196

Supposed to snow here today….really early for us.

rainy day here so no work, which is great because I didn't sleep at all last night. Things are going so so. I'm feeling bitter lately, i think because I can only handle so much criticism that its wearing away at my kindness. In other news, my story was declined from that contest which is fine with me, that just means I have more time to play with it, it's honestly still a work in progress so it's for the best. Next year I'll enter into a couple more contests. the prizes are slim usually though. I mean, $200 for a grand prize? That's pretty weak for a person who might have spent years honing a story. Newtus knows the struggle!

I better get to my reading group goals I have a lot to catch up on, but we're almost done with our current read, and I'm looking forward to taking a more passive role in the group. Hopefully the next read isn't as tough. = ) Hope all is well guys! ((hugs))

Im worried the building management is trying to arrest me to get rid of me because they want to get rid of me

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

You’re like the nicest person ever, they’re not after you.

Hugs. While I am sure that is not the case, I do understand the worry. But I really think you are okay Blue_Bird. Your apartment is always clean and you are a kind and thoughtful person. HUGS

Still waiting for my Pdoc's office to get me the work accomodation note. The practice manager sent me an email today saying she would work on it ASAP. That was two hours ago. I wouldn't think it would take that long unless she is getting detailed. Sigh. I'm stressed about it.

We had a really pretty sunrise this morning. I'm glad I stopped and got a picture of it. This is outside of my work.

I had a nice weekend. I need to try to get the sheets changed on my bed though because I did not get that done. And I really need to. We went to my sister's (about 5 hours away) and stayed there Thursday night through Saturday afternoon. Got home at almost 8 PM on Saturday. Church and football yesterday and an "Aurora Teagarden" movie/dvd. And America's Funniest Home Videos! I feel sad. Not sure why. And anxious.

Awesome! I wish it would snow here. We did have a pretty lightening storm here on Saturday night. Got to see it while we were driving home. Then some intense rain after we got home.

Sometimes being the HR manager sucks. Especially when I know everyone's pay and when I know that people who have worked here less time than me and have approximately the same amount of responsibility as me are getting paid way more than me. Sigh. Sometimes I wish I didn't know. I feel sad. And miffed. And a bit jealous. But staying very professional about it. Just not thrilled on the inside.

Then again, I have missed 3 weeks this year due to my mental health. And I am asking for a workplace accommodation if my pdoc's office will ever get their act in gear and get it to me. So maybe I am a problem employee. Sigh. Not feeling well today. Uber sad. So this is the icing on the stinking cupcake.

Sorry you’re feeling sad, hugs.

Thanks

Beautiful, sunny day in the Rockies =]

12 hour sleep. Good mental state.

I've been in the worst mental states man.. I hope they have been beneficial, but not really. Why not be positive when trying to figure things out, not negative.

That's how that works. Idk if my negative mind states are beneficial at all - Except at least then, I can relate to other people well... Suicidal people even.

I'm depressed and have no idea what to do about it anymore. But just ignore this. It's fine.

I wish I had family, real family that actually gave a **** about me and my life. Ever since my mom passed away in 2016 I don't have that. She had mental health problems and was also an alcoholic but she cared in her own way, we were really good friends if that makes sense , she actually cared about me and made an effort to be there emotionally, unlike the rest of my family. My sister sort of was for a few years, but the past couple years she no longer calls me occasionally just to talk like we used to, she actually used to call me all the time, I haven't gotten a phone call from her for over a year, never texts me, never asks me how I am, she didn't invite me over to thanksgiving last year. Which is fine, I just feel like I did something wrong and I don't know what. I text her to ask her how she is and it's just basic responses if she ever gets back to me. I know she's going through a lot the past couple months, but I'm talking about the past couple of years. Also my 2 brothers talk to her but won't speak to me.

I feel like crap. I was planning on moving to Argentina in January, and now I'm having second thoughts about it.

I just feel like a complete fool for letting my emotions get the better of me and leading me down this path of "I can do anything."

I have to fake happiness. It's alright.

Good morning, woke up at 6:30am. It's about 8am now. Volunteering today. Feeling dread and anxiety but just gonna show up and do my best. Next Wednesday I think will be my last time volunteering until the spring when the weather is nicer. I'm going back to college in January.

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Also got to stop at the library later to pick up a request and then buy more cat litter at the store.

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Just spending some time with the cats and listening to music while I drink a cup of coffee. Don't have to leave until 10:30am.

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Hugs desoxyn

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Hugs bluebird….

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Yeah I feel that goes along with mania and it can affect you as much as depression….it’s hard to know if you’re being realistic…

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

Took 2 of my prn klonopin (I’m allowed to take up to 2) I rarely take them but there’s no way I’d be able to leave the house today if I didn’t do something about my anxiety

I have been feeling like I’m gonna throw up due to how severe my anxiety is over going to volunteer today

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk