Roll Call 200

Huge bag

Mango spinach smoothie I made

Here’s some I thought are cute , I personally probably wouldn’t be able to pull it off though, but here’s a cat, a bat, and a bee with a flower. Maybe for a special event or Halloween or something though

Painting miniatures is really therapeutic for me. It’s just so relaxing especially since it requires a lot of focus and detail oriented work.

Anyway, I had a good day. I did a couple loads of laundry and got all that taken care of. Now to just fold everything lol. I also took a nice hot shower and used a coffee body scrub, which I don’t normally do. Normally I get in and out of the shower as fast as humanly possible because I don’t ever feel up to showering. Tomorrow I’m going to my friends house hopefully and we’re gonna play dungeons and dragons. Looking forward to it. It will be nice to socialize some. My mood has definitely lifted some finally. I took out the trash. Cleaned the cats litterbox. Did the dishes. Just little things to kind of make it look/feel a little nicer in here since I’ve been slacking. Tomorrow I’ll finish up the cleaning when I get home from my friends. Meditated for 20 minutes. Played ukulele. Learned more of a song. Then of course one of my strings snapped. So I will need to buy replacement strings at some point. They’re not in my budget right now so I am just gonna play my keyboard piano until I can afford to stock up on strings for both my tenor and soprano ukuleles. I don’t want to be stuck if another string breaks like I am now so I’m gonna make sure I have backup next time. I need to pay for my permit test first so it’s gonna be a month or so till I can play ukulele again. At least I have my keyboard

It’s late but I cut up some potatoes and tossed in olive oil and several seasonings then baked them. This is them before going into the oven. I guess I needed something practical and to do to take my mind off things and I’ve had some potatoes I’ve been meaning to cook so I did that. Once they were baked I had some with some ketchup to dip them in, they’re kinda spicy. And put the leftovers away. I did this while listening to Christmas music. Something about Christmas music and cooking or baking really helps my mood and makes me feel accomplished and I pretend it’s Christmas Eve and that I’m doing my holiday baking. Even though it’s July.

Normally I like to chop and onion to bake along with the potato’s but I didn’t have one so this was fine

Super excited to go grocery shopping next week. This is my list

The protein bars and all that’s stuff are here (not pictured are the flax seeds, chia seeds, and almond milk)

I made some homemade chia seed pudding. So it’s half a cup of almond milk, 2 tablespoons of chia seeds and a little honey then store in fridge overnight and serve with fruit in the morning. I didn’t have one of those little mason jars to make it in so I used a protein blender bottle to store it in, it should be fine. I’ll just scoop it out tomorrow when it’s ready to be eaten. I’ve never had anything with chia seeds before but I’ve always wanted to try chia seed pudding

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I’m trying to eat better

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I had my endoscopy today. It wasn't too bad. They didn't find anything other than some inflammation, but they took some biopsies and should have the results in five days or so. I know this sounds weird, but I'm kinda disappointed. I wanted something to say "see, I'm sick!" because I feel like my treatment team doesn't care since I'm not doing any actual damage.

They completely fking abandoned me is what they did. Case manager out for at least a month, peer support person gone AWOL, therapist keeps canceling, pdoc on vacation until the end of the month. I'm sick of everyone that I start to like--that starts to help, that starts to make things a little better--leaving me. I thought that was just regular people but apparently that happens when they get paid to listen to you too. I'm about to go down a very bad thought path so I'm gonna end it here and go.

Hugs boots

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Oh, and I was supposed to have a "co-occuring/dual diagnosis" specialist but I saw her like three times since Feb. 2022 and she quit without telling anybody.

Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful I have this team, but I just wis they were a little more consistent.

Happy thoughts

Sorry Boots I hope you get some answers from the test results that picture is beautiful

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I feel really nauseous and on the verge of throwing up, not really sure why. I ate so it's not like from not eating enough, I'm laying here with a bucket beside my bed in case I suddenly have to throw up and can't make it to the bathroom on time

I might have to call in and cancel my volunteer shift tomorrow and see if they can get someone to cover, I feel horrible and it's 11pm and I can't sleep

I'm really sick of feeling lik crap physically. I really hope the blood work I got done today provides some insight into this ****

"I need to go into the life tunnel. And there? I'll recharge.. Be ready.. For the magnificent colours. I am an insane kamikaze pigeon."

That is what I wrote before ket.

Then I got immersed into internet nonsense - Wasted like 3 hours. I better go to bed.. I hope I only need 9-10 hours of sleep.

I called in and cancelled todays shift. They said that was okay because there are only 3 cats there today so they can just have petsmart employee check on them instead. Anyway, I’ll be back to it next week. I just was up the entire night with severe nausea and have only slept 1 hour in over 24 hours

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I’m gonna miss Onyx and ruby this week. (If they’re still there) I hope they got adopted together though (they’re sisters). They’re so adorable and ridiculously sweet. I have really enjoyed seeing them over the past couple weeks. I don’t know if they’ll be there next week or not. Hopefully they got adopted

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The chia seed pudding came out well. Pretty cool and super easy to make and healthy.

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