Roll Call 173

New thread!

Thanks falcon!

Falcons on a roll!

Yeah when I sit upright, I feel better. Taking a benzo helps. But damn it I can't take them all the time...

I don't think it's reflux. No one in my family has ever had that. I don't think I have either.

It's high blood pressure or something. I think it's because of lack of sleep from waking up early for work..

It could be from eating or drinking too much water. I'll pay more attention to it from now on and ask my doctor. It's terrible because I wanted to rest but these symptoms have to make me want to sit up all the time.

gonna take 2mg of cogentin and 200mg of clozapine at the top of the hour

meds taken...

Does it get better when on your side?

No........ It's gone at night time though...

I was planning on finishing up the reading for the psychology course today and then work on quizzes and stuff tomorrow, but early this afternoon we went for a drive and ran some errands, and then this evening went for milkshakes and a drive so I only got about half the chapter done.

I finish it tomorrow and see if I can get in the mood to do some other coursework too.

All I can do is zone out. I can't initiate any task or learning to do. I literally can't do anything. It's too late - I'll be sleeping soon I guess so might as well watch Netflix or something.

It sucks because I NEED to be productive. Coronavirus..

Just wait it out.. If we don't get better, people will cure us cuz they're so interested in the illness..

I am good. Just wondering why I drink coffee so late at night. Once, I read that people with psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia drink more coffee or ingest more caffeine than the average person. I guess I am living proof of that.

impending doom feeling

Also I noticed that upon taking olanzapine again, some of my paranoia goes away. Olanzapine is a good med for me. I need to keep taking it.

Why do you think you have that?

demons and spirits wont leave me alone. The voices outside and inside. The demons... my demons. It doesn't stop.

Got a cute coloring book

So sorry, Erti. Does the pdoc know?

Hugs!!

Eyes are killing me. Worst allergies ever.

I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you can find some relief from that. Is there like a different antipsychotic you can try? Or a PRN antipsychotic when you feel really bad? I would ask the pdoc if I were you... Hope you feel better.

Going on another walk later

Problem with the creative trades....writing art etc is you typically need to compromise in order to sell something.....

I think I'm gonna start requesting stuff from the library so I have incentive to go on walks more often to go pick up my stuff.

True to some extent. I feel it also has to do with networking and exposure. Getting good networks and good exposure, and you can do almost all of what u want to do artistically. Get big enough and u can do it all.

I think the big thing with me and the great thing maybe, is unlike a lot of people my age or younger trying to make a few songs or books or whatever and spend some time on promotion on social media in hopes of becoming famous.....
....I’m more that I just write my heart out. Not purposely, which is weird. I absolutely cannot write like MAKE myself write. I can’t make myself do anything with depression/anxiety etc mental health issues.

It’s the hypomania and rare mania that keeps me writing. That and my compulsions that my therapist says I have a lot of. She says I have really bad compulsions. I agree.

If I’m hypo and I start writing, I can’t stop. That’s why I bought that book called hypergraphia. I could swear I have that issue. Many times I find it hard to stop writing. And then there are my down days.

What I was gonna say tho is, I think the good thing about me is that my focus isn’t necessarily at being at the top of the chain but rather spreading wide. Spreading my work widely instead of looking up. Because I’ve tried to be at the top and it’s a standstill to get there. But when I work “outwards” I’m seeing all these people come to ME.