Roll Call 201

I am suicidal. My thirst for knowledge and learning has increased greatly. As we are out of time.. I have to know everything that is in reality and outside of it.

Very deep, so that I can never come back here.. And reincarnate another hell.

I have hope too - And all positive things. It will get better if I keep trying, no matter how hard people make it worse for me.

I will escape. As I am a pure soul. If I don't, at least I tried.

I will bring everything that is close to me - But I think I'll be forever missing, my family and such.. To the certain % that it gets sucked into a black hole. And things will be found again, when they cross my timeline - When destiny allows for it.

Not sui anymore

But was reading, listening to music etc.. All good.

I had a good time with my sister. We ended up going to a really good local pizzeria that’s been around for over 50 years. Had salad and pizza. I bought a half gallon of chocolate peanut butter ice cream on the way home. Brought leftover pizza and salad home too so I have lunch tomorrow. Just took a shower. I have to be up extremely early tomorrow. Sucks because I was tired all day and now that it’s 9pm I’m wide awake. So I might end up staying up. But at least Monday I can sleep in because I don’t work until like 5pm that day.

Anyway, yeah I might just stay up cause I’m having a hard time winding down. Gonna read some of the book I got from the library. Maybe watch some stuff and play a game.

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I’m now officially a talent captain at my job! Still cashiering whenever I have time but that’s my official job title now and that’s what 12 hours of my week will be spent on

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My goal is to save money and move out of supportive housing into an independent apartment in like a studio, and get off social security entirely.

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I have work today from 8:45am to 2:30pm. Cashiering. I wasn’t able to sleep last night. Tossed and turned for a couple hours then gave up and just stayed up. So I’m up drinking coffee right now. Have to head out in an hour from now. I wish it was over and that I was on my way home. Apparently my training for talent captain starts this upcoming Saturday. I hope I don’t get stuck dealing with customers with big *** layaways today those are so annoying I hate them. They’re just a pain to do.

I’m gonna practice violin when I get home today. Then play some games and watch some anime with my bf.

I need an alarm clock like a physical alarm clock that’s not my phone. Because I feel like that would be better because I have a bad habit of when my phone goes off getting up, turning the alarms off then falling back asleep. I think if I have two alarms it would prevent that so I might have to pick up a physical alarm clock at some point soon.

I’ve accumulated one hour of paid sick time off so far

I’m ready for today to be over and it hasn’t even started

So as far as my mental health goes I’m doing really well. My sleep is suffering though but there’s multiple reasons for that. Coffee. Skipping Thorazine most nights so I don’t oversleep and can make it to work. Etc.

I know that’s really not good though the lack of sleep. I probably have gone 4-5 days scattered over the past couple weeks with zero sleep (30 or more hours up at a time) since starting working 3 weeks ago. It’s not good. Idk how to fix it though. My schedule varies so much it throws me off and keeps me from being in a good routine with sleep. And when I work really early in the morning I’m afraid to go to sleep the night before because I’m afraid I’ll oversleep and miss work so I just skip my Thorazine and stay up.

My face has also broken out with acne which I hardly ever have any anymore , idk if that’s sleep, stress, or diet related or a combo of some or all of those factors

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They have some really cool alarm clocks out there that really make you wake up by not turning off until you do a math problem or "defuse a bomb" and stuff like that. I hope your sleep improves some when you get a second alarm clock and have that safety net.

Doing markdowns today. Scanning every item in the store and it prints out a lower priced sticker if it gets a markdown. 2 more hours and I can go home

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I’m home now, boots that’s a good idea sorry I didn’t reply to you earlier got busy , it feels good to be home. I don’t work again till tomorrow night 5pm till 11:30pm

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I'm eating onion ring chips. Just winging life RN for now.

I'm one of the worlds most awakened souls (I know you don't believe me - But you don't have to, cuz you're right...)

I’m ready for Halloween

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I’m trying to be strict with my budget over the next year or so

I’m trying to only pay for these things:
Rent
Phone payment
Internet
Violin lesson once a week
Cat essentials
Household essentials (toilet paper etc)

Occasionally clothes or shoes only when I really need them

Trying to save at least $1,000 just to sit in savings for emergencies.

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I feel like my brain is melting. I’ve been up since yesterday morning and it’s 7:30pm now

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Making a frozen red baron pizza right now. It’ll be my breakfast , lunch and dinner today

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Just be aware you can’t have more than 2000 on ssi at any given time.

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I’m aware of that , I don’t have anywhere near that in the bank and know I’m not supposed to

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I want to exercise on my days off but the treadmill doesn’t work so I’m not sure what I could do. I guess I could use my 8lb weights and resistance bands, and maybe walk outside or do yoga. My leg muscles are already starting to firm up from just 4 weeks at the job. Problem is on my days off I just feel like laying around. I do want to eat healthier and lose weight though.

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Back at my mom's for case management appointment and to see pdoc tomorrow. She's going to be real happy I stopped most my meds.

Idk if you like pan pizza but there is a frozen one called motor city pizza that is soooo good. I had some of that with. A salad today.

I’ll have to try it

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