Roll Call 201

Lol I'm okay ^-; It's just what I do I guess.. Lol. There psilocybin trapped in my brain from 7 years ago =p

Well, I did this since I was 16.. It's like a religious OCD-type thing.

I need therapy. I might go to therapy again eventually.

The only good thing about tomorrow is I’ll be doing Markdowns. That’s easy. Just scan items and place stickers on items that’ve been marked down. No dealing with customers and lines and cash registers. My workday tomorrow is 8am to 12pm. Store doesn’t open till 9am to the public. That will be nice. I keep getting tempted to call in sick , I haven’t called in sick or been late once the entire 31 days I’ve been an employee there. If I’m gonna call in sick though it will be on a day I’m actually sick or have an emergency , or on a day before a day or few days off.

It’s 4 hours. I can do it. I have to go in on Monday too. I just have to get through this till I complete my training for my new position, and then most/at least half of my hours every week will be spent interviewing people in an office over the phone and doing orientations for new employees. Which is really easy and chill compared to the cash register or sales floor. I’ll be able to sit down in the office some. I won’t have to stand quite as much. At least for those 12 hours a week. This is week will suck but I’m hopeful this will all be worth it in the end

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I remember my dad was like "You're like your grandmother. You're a Croat - Like me. It must be in our DNA, 'Oh no! It's not raining, the soil is too dry, the turnips aren't growing! **** me! Oh **** whyyy'"

I posted a shift swap request for Wednesday, hopefully someone can swap shifts with me. I put my availability down for Thursday and Saturday any time any length of shift. . If no one respond to it I’ll call in sick that day. I have a doctor appointment that day I need to go to.

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Any input is welcome, should I stick it out with this job or quit it. I need the experience but it’s costing me sleep, making me deal with bad physical pain everyday , and is extremely stressful and fast paced and chaotic and I’m not a fast paced person, and am very shy. I’m trying. I really am. I don’t want to quit. So if anyone could convince me reasons to keep doing it I’d be happy, just need some kind of idea of what the point is. I know it’s good experience. But whether it’s worth what I’m dealing with is another question

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Well I made my decision. I’m continuing working at this job. For as long as they’ll have me. I’m just gonna keep showing up and doing my best even if I’m not perfect at it, just keep trying. Maybe someday it’ll get easier. Or maybe I’ll get fired someday. Idk we’ll see. I tend to be ultra paranoid about others and think people are plotting against me to get me fired. It’s literally only been a month and it’s my first job so I should be easy on myself. Im doing my pretty well considering it’s my first job and also my mental health issues factor. A lot of days will suck. Some days will be great, some will be good, some will be okay. I just have to keep showing up.

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On hour 36 of no sleep, I am calling in sick today. I can’t function this sleep deprived. I’ll go to work tomorrow but I need to sleep today.

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I took the day off so I can get some sleep. My new shoes came

I now have accumulated a balance of 1 hour of paid sick time off and 0.33 hours of paid time off. It’s nothing now but it will grow over time then maybe in like a year from now I can take a week off from work, get paid for it, and take a trip NYC, it’s only a 2 1/2 hour car ride away. My sister would probably take me, if she were able to get time off from her job too, just for like a couple days because I wouldn’t want to leave my cats home alone for longer than 2-3 days at max.

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I got my Soundcore Anker Life Q20 hybrid active noise cancelling Bluetooth headphones. They’re really cool. I’ve never had noise cancelling headphones before. It makes things so quiet when you have the feature on, so I don’t have to hear all the people outside my apartment talking. It’s cool. Also music sounds really great on them.

The noise cancelling feature will probably be super helpful for silent meditation. Or help focus when I’m reading

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Good morning, I slept really good. Better than I have in over a week. Slept straight through the night and woke up when my alarms went off at 5am. Up listening to music now and drinking a coffee. Getting ready for work. I work from 8:45am to 1pm today. I feel really good, sleep makes such a big difference. Going grocery shopping today after I get home from work.

I have tomorrow off. Tomorrow I’m gonna meal prep, and clean my apartment. I also have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow afternoon. Wednesday and Friday I work.

Trying to start meditating again , at least 10-15 minutes a day every day. Helps relax me. I meditated yesterday for 10 minutes with my noise cancelling headphones on , without music or anything just the noise cancelling feature on and it relaxed me so much.

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Got a compliment on my Nikes the first time I wore them out of the house today lol

And got a 2nd compliment lol

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Hey everyone, back on 60 mg latuda so should be better now... I just wish my doctor had never lowered it to 40 mg. Oh well. It's like lost time almost...

I just wanna write my novel and not have the real world disturb me for a while. I guess it is possible but it's not plausible.

Just got home from work. It went well. I did cashiering today. I did a layaway by myself for the first time! My manager did observation on me today and he said I am doing really excellent, the only thing he mentioned that I should do is to remember to tell people about the survey on the bottom of the receipt. So I started doing that after he mentioned that. But he said I’m doing excellent and my service is great. I was the only cashier for the first 2 hours. I was able to handle it then the lines started getting long so I had someone come do backup with me. Idk what is going on with all their cashiers. There’s like no one showing up, so today I was stuck with all the work for the first two hours. Idk if they’re just not scheduling enough people or if people just aren’t coming or what. They’re hiring a lot of people but it seems like people don’t stick around for long.

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'Bout to stop all my meds cold turkey because this pharmacy is fcked and it's the only pharmacy I'm allowed to use because they do the weekly bubble packs that I'm required by law to use with consults with my med nurse. Will this most definitely result in another IEA? Yes. Do I give a shyt? No. I know how to get out of them now. Just wait for dr pansy pants to come in on the weekend and say "I'll go voluntarily :P" and he'll cancel the IEA and boom, won't have to wait in the ER for a month and go to state.

Dang 201? Man I’ve been reality checked out.

I have tomorrow off. I have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow afternoon. I haven’t seen her since I began working at the end of August. I haven’t yet gotten the chance to tell her about becoming talent captain, so I’m excited to share that with her, she knows about me being a cashier but I haven’t seen her since I became talent captain.

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I got my digital watch today. So now I can tell what time it is when I’m at work without checking my phone.

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I feel really weak. I need sleep.

Heart OCD makes me really depressed.

I feel better cuz Dexedrine, smoked a flower gum and cried.

Got some protein bars and protein powder. And going grocery shopping tomorrow. Trying to start eating healthier. Trying to drink more water too

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How are you genuinely doing so well! I don't understand! Keep it up lol

I’m not sure lol I definitely wouldn’t have been able to do any of this without my meds and therapy though

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I’m the stablest I’ve ever been. I don’t think I’m anywhere near ready for full time work but working part time the past month and getting that additional position as talent captain is a great first step and accomplishment.

I’ll be honest there’s days that really ****ing suck and days I want to walk out and quit on the spot in the middle of my shift and customers that really piss me off or upset me. There’s times my paranoia gets bad and I think coworkers and customers are whispering about me. It’s stressful and very fast paced. But I’ve managed to keep going and pushing through it all. I still make mistakes. But I’m learning. I wouldn’t have been able to handle it even just a year or so ago. I would have ended up quitting or leaving crying from stress the first day or so. Idk what’s changed really but I’m able to handle stress better. Not all days are horrible. Usually most days it’s a mix of good and not good but some days are really good. A lot of days do suck though. Especially when they’re very short staffed like today.

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