Roll Call 203

My boyfriend got an extra job partly so he can make some extra money to put into savings for me in case I need help with my rent in the meantime until I can find a job

I have a job interview on tuesday

My therapist of 7 years died

Congratulations! 😊

I'm so sorry! 😓

I have a job, just waiting on my background check to come in. I went to the interview yesterday and got hired on the spot. It’s at Lowe’s. They did a drug test while I was there, it’s for a fulfillment team position part time

Ooooooh congrats!!! I worked in a hardware store for 6 years it’s a fun place. Hope it goes well!

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Thank you! They said they’d even train me how to like use forklifts and whatnot if I was willing lol that should be interesting. Will probably be a whole lot better than dealing with customers in clothing stores cashiering and whatnot

So happy for you!

My background check came through and I submitted my onboarding paperwork. Now just waiting on an orientation date

Well my son will be coming for a visit on Friday. I'm worried with how much he's eating, he took the bus. But tomorrow I will go pick him up and I get so anxious driving to places I have just drove a couple of times.

He's doing so good and part of that is the seroquel. I haven't seen him this happy in years. It was a blessing that he was in the hospital and we found all these different places. Bc I kept looking online and couldn't find anything! But one thing I think might help with his excessive appetite, is increasing his wellbutrin and lowering his zoloft.

But we had such a good couple of hours. We reminisced about my mom, his grandma. She was such a great mother. We listened to music we comprised on. My son likes death metal and I just can't, lol. He won't listen to Taylor swift, lol. So we listen to music like Linkin park, Metallica, Korn, staind etc.

I got him panda express and he just eats so fast! I'm trying to lose weight so I didn't get any. But I'm running out of money. I do get my food stamps today and I'm getting him things like boneless, skinless chicken, sweet potatoes, a 12 pack of generic coke zero. I can't afford the name brand for things like that. Oh I'm also getting him Mike's killer bread. Idk if you guys know about that bread buts so good but really expensive. But he's working out again at the y and is trying to eat healthy but it's just excessive. But I'm getting him some good, nutritious food. I'm really looking forward to the visit! I love to see him happy! I love him so much! ❤️

At the group home he was in before, they had a floor that was for ppl that took a plea bargain and we're recovering from drugs or alcohol.

A lot of them that graduated from it got jobs to be staff. And Josh's schizophrenia was really bad bc the psychiatrist was horrible and would never call me. Finally a staff member said he's not going to call you back. He only does if it's a person with a guardianship.

But a lot of the staff there were pretty mean to him out of jealousy. He had support from some of my family. He was very paranoid there. On his visits he would just act very paranoid bc he didn't have his meds done correctly. So glad he's out of there.

My first day for orientation is Saturday at 7am

I’m glad to hear he’s doing a lot better! I’m sure the eating healthier will come with time. I’m working on that as well it can be difficult especially with psych meds. But you’re doing awesome supporting him and getting him those healthy foods , I’m glad you got to spend quality time together

I’m gonna have to learn how to use power equipment at my new job like forklifts and whatnot. They said they’ll train me for it, hopefully it’s not too difficult

Happy things

-I get to spent time with my boyfriend today because he has the day off work ❤️ I believe he has a three day weekend actually which is super nice. Since he works 2nd shift (3:30pm to 2am) we don’t get to spend much time together on days he’s working. But he will be able to get on a normal shift in October once he’s been in the union there for 6 months.

-I slept good last night. Which is nice because I have a feeling I won’t be sleeping much tonight, cause I don’t want to miss my job orientation which is tomorrow at 7am. So I have to be up at least by 5am in order to get ready and get the bus there on time. I’m probably gonna go to sleep by 8 and set my alarm for 4am just to be safe. I might not get any sleep though due to excitement regardless lol

-I’m excited that my job orientation is tomorrow because as soon as I go I get my schedule. Which means I can actually plan my days since I will know what I’m doing and see when I’m working. They do schedules 3 weeks in advance here which is nice. Right now I have no idea what my next couple weeks look like because my availability is open to close Tuesday through Sunday. Mondays I’m available from 1pm to closing. Because I have my volunteer job Monday mornings. Once I have my schedule I can start putting stuff in my calendar/planning and schedule time for other stuff I want and need to do. Like practicing violin, exercising, art, appointments, cleaning etc. I like time blocking my days

-I feel a lot more positive mentally right now
There’s a carnival next Friday I was invited to. Idk if I’m going it depends on if I’m working but if I do that will be a lot of fun! If not I can always find some other events around here this summer to go to.

-One of my goals is to socialize more and get out more so I’m trying to make an effort to get out of my shell some.

-My sister randomly showing up to my apartment last night and offering to help me with a problem I’ve been dealing with really made me feel good and it made my week really, I feel like things are starting to look up a bit.

-I feel like the next month is just gonna be a little stressful but after that everything should be straightened out and I’ll be over this bump in the road.

-I’m gonna try to do some art today. Or at the very least coloring. Maybe both. I need to do something creative today.

I talked with my landlord today. She asked if I was okay and I started crying because of some stress going on dealing with social security and my therapist dying etc etc and she said to not worry about anything and that everything will get straightened out and fine and that if I’m a little late with my rent it’s okay and that I won’t be homeless as long as she works here

Well the weekend visit has went terribly wrong. He all of the sudden became violent. He was slamming doors and he threw a big chair across the room. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong.

Finally he told he was hearing derogatory voices and he said I only get psychotic here. I asked him why and he said I'm not going to tell you bc you wouldn't believe me.

So we decided he's going to take all the food I bought him back to the place he's staying and I'm taking him back tomorrow. He said he doesn't think we should do full weekend visits and he'll just do day visits. It makes me want to cry. This schizophrenia has made him so aggressive. Tonight I'm feeling very unsafe. His last assault was pretty bad. This just sucks!

Part of it might be that he got here at 4pm and he has almost drank a 12 pack of diet coke. Idk but he's still slamming doors and I got him to take his meds.

It's just so unfair that he's an aggressive schizophrenic. Most of them are passive. I mean he did 9 months for the assault on me. We couldn't talk that whole time. My sister Kim talked with him and reported back to me how he was doing.

I kept telling him he was going to end up in a group home because of how violent he was. I'm not going to tell you all the things he did but it was a lot and I felt like I was in domestic violence relationship. But with my son. That's why I won't let him come back to live here.

Heading to work in about an hour. I’m exhausted, didn’t go to sleep last night

Went to work. Did 5 hours straight of module/video trainings, will be finishing that up on Tuesday and onto the sales floor am almost done. I got my employee discount card (10% off), my ID badge, and will get my vest and schedule on Tuesday after I finish up to computer training. It’s the most in depth computer training I’ve ever had at any of my jobs but then again this is a different position than cashiering was. And you have to learn about 4 different types of dangerous chemicals and spills that can happen here and how to deal with those and how to like deal with blocking off aisles for power equipment. And how to lift things without hurting yourself. And all their technology fulfillment uses for picking and staging orders. So it’s a quite a bit more training than cashiering ever was at my jobs. Of course it includes all the basic stuff too like fire safety, sexual harassment, customer service stuff, theft, active shooter training, etc. a little overwhelming the amount of information l, my brain felt like it was melting by the 3rd hour mark of staring at a computer screen lol. But I know it will be a lot simpler with hands on experience it’s just this computer training for jobs is always a pain in the *** to deal with.

So I had a hair appt and was gone like 3 hours and they did my hair wrong.

Idk what time he fell asleep but it's 5:15 and he won't get up.

Then he'll get mad at me for not getting him up.

I kind of feel like people in my life doubt my ability to keep this job due to my history of quitting jobs. Which sucks; being doubted. I’m determined to not leave this job though

I have my volunteer job today. Then I have work tomorrow and an apartment inspection. Then Thursday I have a meeting with social security

I have work tomorrow at 10am. Not sure how long the shift is probably about 5 hours again. I get my schedule finally tomorrow as well. I went to bed super early, like 7pm so it's going on midnight now and I just woke up. I'm probably up for the day. I need to be up early to mop before I leave for work cause my apartment inspection is at 11am while I'm at work. I've been cleaning the past 5 days to catch up on it since I slacked a lot on it while I was depressed. After I get home from work I'm gonna get on the treadmill for 45 minutes to relieve some stress.