Roll Call 203

Had a good therapy appointment. We talked about radical acceptance and also ironic rebound. Ironic rebound is when you’re having thoughts/feelings that you try to ignore or block out, they come back stronger. There’s studies on that. Anyway, so I’m gonna be working on radical acceptance and also exposing myself to things that make me paranoid. Like one of the situations I can’t stand is sitting in silence cause then I start getting paranoid about noises and about my meds poisoning me etc and my thoughts spiral so I’m constantly blocking out the world with my headphones and distractions. So I’m gonna have to work on exposing myself to small doses of silence over time kind of like exposure therapy till it gets easier.

We talked about the THC vaping use. She was telling me about how scary things are on the drug scene now due to fentanyl being cut in with so many things and another thing also that’s out there being put in stuff that’s dangerous. . And just the general risk of having a psychotic episode from weed since I have schizoaffective disorder.

So I’m gonna stop vaping THC and get my payee paperwork signed by my psychiatrist next month to become my own payee. He told me to stop using THC and if I did he’d sign them next month at our appointment

Got a few things to look forward to this week. Tomorrow I’m getting my flu and Covid vaccines finally so getting that taken care of. I meant to do it last week but I wasn’t feeling good. Wednesday I’m going to a nutrition class with a nutritionist here. She comes and cooks a healthy meal for everyone to try and we discuss nutrition and eating habits. Thursday I’m going to a wreath making event and Friday is the thanksgiving potluck. These are all events in my buildings community room.

So I’m getting excited about all that. Plus Wednesday I’m going to the food pantry.

I’ve been getting into art more and trying to be less terrible towards myself about the quality of my art. So I’m trying to stop hating myself for my stuff being not great. I watch a guy on YouTube his channel is called Sketchbook Skool, he has a lot of really good insightful stuff about what art really is and how to get over your perfectionism and fear of starting and to just enjoy the process of it and that anybody can be creative and it’s meant to be enjoyed.

I have a violin lesson on Saturday. After that I’m probably taking a break from violin lessons until January because I need to buy Christmas gifts.

I’m really getting frustrated with violin right now. I can’t seem to get myself to practice consistently and it’s severely stalling my progress. I love playing I just procrastinate too much. And I hate how I play when I do play and record videos. Same with art. I hate most of my art. I feel like all I do sucks and that I’m not getting anywhere with it all. Idk if it’s pointless or what