There are a lot of aspects of my personality that i hate and a certain past event which i am trying to forget and move past but every two minutes i have a voice or hallucination reminding me of how disgusting i am.
In some ways I really feel like I deserve it and should put up with schizophrenia but in other ways I am just so fed up. I am going through a stressful period in my life at the moment (my sister died recently and consequently, my mum is very depressed) and every time i have some spare time for myself, it is interrupted by voices.
Any one else out there finding it this tiring?

[john4]

Hi hellishlygood,
I can understand you saying "...in other ways I am just so fed up ..." I cannot understand, however, you saying "... in some ways i really feel like I deserve it, and should put up with schizophrenia..."
Surely not???
The disgusting feelings are understandable: like you, I can relate to that, and I also hear a Voice. I can see why you're "down". As I said to another the other day, there's abig movement gathering strength where they ask folks to acknowledge the Voice, and at a later stage to try to talk to the voice, even to enter into a kind of relationship with the voice. See my blog where I have one or two poems on Voices, at
http://john4.psychcentral.net/wp
After my being sexually assaulted by a younger man at work, I, Too, felt disgusted and disgusting for the best part of 4 years: i mean, intensely so, but as my care assistant has taken me "on a tour" of voices and what they both are and mean, I'm more positive, though I am always startled when the voice returns, especially at night, I mean the early hours. Tell me, are you sleeping o.k. or is your sleep interrupted by voices? I stay up virtually all night 24/7, writing and have the voice come to me on a regular basis, though less so these days. I'm fortunate, hellishlygood, that I'm retired on medical grounds so I do not have to go to work. What do you actually DO when you hear the voice? what's your reaction? The whole thing IS indeed tiring, I empathise so much with what you're experiencing. I end up where I began: I simply cannot grasp you saying you should put up with schizophrenia. THat, frankly, is beyond me. (I'm not having a go at you, hellishlygood, - heaven forbid !!). Have you seen your doctor or are you thinking of having councelling about these views you hold? My heart goes out to you, I'm hoping you might be able to keep us updated on your progress. As I live in London town also, do have a lovely Bank Holiday on Monday!!! Kind thoughts to you ; a special hug from me. Do keep posting, pl,ease. Good luck!

thank you very much for the reply john. yes i am seeing a counsellor about my thoughts on that and i acknowledge they are incorrect (working to see past them) so i see why you can't relate.
oh yes i talk to my voices quite regularly now. i am very sorry to hear about your story and i hope you are moving on.
i used to try and either distract myself, reason with myself until the voice went or communicate with the voices/hallucinations but i have no time to do that right now. right now i have to try and ignore them.
yes my sleep is nearly always interrupted too

[SingleGirl]

edit: just to think about... i'm not saying that this is you, i don't know you...

there is a lot of new research going on about psychosis and ocd...

some clinicians @ Duke are looking at the two illnesses as being basically the same with regard to obsessions and are attempting to gather data proving both can be successfully treated in a similar manner...

i can see the positive of that approach... looking at the voices as a self-created ritual or habit could offer people a feeling of much more in control of their fate than the idea that the voices are totally just appearing without any aspect of control within their reach...

i think that if this research carries out on this tone.. there will be a significant decrease in the number of diagnosed individuals with schizophrenia over the next several years... i think they will be better able to distinguish between ritualistic thought patterns and true neuronal cross-talking...

i know that might not help you now but maybe it would give you something to talk about...and think about ... and that might help with the voices for a while...

sending hugs your way

Thanks for the advice. I just don't have much time at the moment because i am meant to be studying for exams and the voices are making that pretty much impossible i hope i do okay