[cartoonhero]

After all this time I have FINALLY found a forum for schizophrenia, people who are like minded.

I hope you will all have me.

[pachyderm]

Check out some of the older posts here, too.

[john4]

Re: cartoonhero: a warm welcome and a special hug, hope you'll stay here and let us know a bit about yourself. What kind of paintings: oils/watercolours? what subjects? I , too, have been hospitalised for severe depression and much else, so you're among like-minded friends here. Keep in touch and nice to meet you.

[cartoonhero]

I paint mostly in art therapy nowdays in a variety of mediums.. acrylics, oils, watercolour... even Condy's crystals! Last October I won second place in the Mental Health Week Art Awards for my area. I also exhibited work in the national Schizophrenia Awareness Week exhibition in my state along with some contemparies.

Lately I have not been coping well with the voices in my head. I can't tell anyone about it for fear of being locked up and shocked again which is what happened last year. At the moment they keep dosing me up with meds which make me so less motivated that each day seems worse and worse.

In the past I have been on mellaril, seroquel, zyprexa, risperidone, haloperidol. Now I am on largactil (thorazine) and neulactil (which I am told is like mellaril in some respects).

[john4]

You've been through it, haven't you? I'm sure they ( as you put it) they all will have you. Here's a welcome hug from me!! I've been through the dishwasher myself (please see my blog at
http://john4.psychcentral.net)
It has 1 poem on hearing voices, among similar stuff. I love oil painting, do a bit now and then - when I can drag myself away from the computer. You said, and I quote: "...I can't tell anyone about it for fear of being locked up..." Surely they're not THAT draconian? Surely there's some form of "national health" system which has a more humane way oof dealing with good people such as yourself - without locking them up? In London we call it being "sectioned" under one section or another of the Mental Health Act passed by Parliament. I wasn't sectioned: i entered voluntarily for about a month, but had to return a year later again. Another of my poems on my blog deals with the psychiatric ward. Please have a peep: it may help you to know that others here have had some very similar experiences to yourself, cartoonhero. A feeling of "lassitude" is not a surprise to me: I've been 4 years in a dead state, sometimes my internet contacts are my only contacts as I am indoors 24/7: literally scared to go out, after a sexual assault at work. Maybe you can get the confidence to be more specific about the voices: please don't feel you HAVE to, just it may help to talk about it. Cartoonhero, listen please: do you know that there is a growing "enlightenment" about voices among the profession: they are now deliberately encouraging folk to
1) acknowledge the voices;
2) make specific contact with them, if only to tell them (or it) to */&" off!;
3) later, maybe even have a form of discussion with the voice(s). I actually do talk to mine, and am not scared so much now, though it's a shock when they come back.
I can fully understand your mood, but hey! you're now among friends. Keep contact. Once again, a warm welcome. Look after yourself.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
john4: do you know that there is a growing "enlightenment" about voices among the profession

Hello john4. You're probably aware of work by individuals such as Rufus May and Marius Romme. cartoonhero, if you're not, you can find a number of links in the Resources Section that deal in a more liberal fashion with voices and the people who hear them.

[cartoonhero]

Thanks so much for the welcome.

I was in hospital this past week due to suicide risk. The whole time I was there I was asked non stop about my voices so I took to blogging some of what they say. A lot of it is random gibberish but some is quite persecutory in a sense (ie they want me dead). I spoke in depth to the doctors for the first time about my voices. How one is particularly angry and aggressive, the other not so much; what they say, the context of the conversations. I have taken to speaking back to them when no-one is around even when I am reasonably well. When I am not well... thats a different story entirely, I will speak regardless of who is present.

My old case manager was quite unhelpful when I wanted help learning to cope with hearing voices. Her response and I quote "you are not the only one who hears voices". I never once claimed any special preference because of the fact I suffer auditory hallucinations, simply asked for strategies as coping mechanisms for such. She didn't do her job I fear... I was discharged from mental health and never got the help I requested.

[spiritual_emergency]

<blockquote>
cartoonhero: A lot of it is random gibberish but some is quite persecutory in a sense (ie they want me dead)...

No idea if the following will be helpful to you or not but a model I've found helpful for understanding my own experience is that of ego collapse, or more specifically -- the death of one's sense of self-identity. For this reason, death was a common theme throughout my own experience and that of many others I've spoken with.

If that is also true for you, the following links may contain some additional insights:

- Psychosis & Ego Collapse

- The Inner Apocalypse

- How To Produce An Acute Schizophrenic Break

[BalishBun]

(((((((((((((((((((cartoonhero))))))))))))))))))))

[Rose3]

if you find the art therapy to be helpful - then could you spend more time making art?
And planning some more exhibits?
In one of the books that I've been reading - about auditory hallucinations - it does suggest a strategy - talk back to those voices by speaking into your cell phone (it doesn't have to be turned on)
That way - a person doesn't even appear any different from the other people who are talking to someone on their cell phones.
Does it help to read about the physiological explanations that attempt to explain auditory hallucinations? To understand about the talking centre in the brain, and the neurotransmitters.
Is it happening because of stress in your life?
I sincerely do hope that you feel improved.
Take care

[cartoonhero]

I will try the cell phone thing Rose3. It has to be better than looking as though I have lost my marbles.

I understand that the speech centre of the brain are involved in auditory hallucinations and not the hearing centre as one would expect. I also understand the chemical side to schizophrenia, dopamine and such.

I am planning to exhibit again in October during mental health week here in Australia. I haven't been painting much this month but aim to get back into it as soon as I am able. Today I had my antipsychotic doubled again so I will need to wait until that settles before getting back into it.

Woah, you really have been through it all, haven't you cartoon? Well welcome to the Schizophrenia section I hope you are feeling good.
Sorry the meds are making you feel less motivated. I have exams at the moment and my meds are making it impossible for me to concentrate OR care

Hope i do okay.

Woah, painting huh? does it help you much? yes i do the cell phone trick too :P works a charm!!