Scared that it's back

I've started to have delusions and psychotic symptoms again. I've had episodes of psychosis for about 6 years along with continuous depression. I also have BPD and DPD.

I know that I am heading into a bad time when the psychosis starts. The last week or so I've been having extremely vivid dreams about violent deaths, I don't know if I'm allowed to post any details here. If anyone is in a position to hear (if it will help with offering advice etc) feel free to PM me.

Also during the day time I am feeling more and more unsafe, as if people are watching me, and as if they are reading my thoughts. I am a member at another MH site but I don't even want to write about how I am feeling there because I don't know if I can trust the people there. I don't know if this is just paranoia or truth.

I've become obsessed with my Dependant Personality Disorder. I'm spending more and more time distancing myself from everyone I know and trust to show that I am not dependant on them, and this is making me unhappy because I don't know who I can allow myself to get close to.

I'm scared, confused. Lost. I'm beginning to hear things that may or may not be true/real. And I'm definately seeing things I shouldnt be seeing.
I want to self harm. But once I start that it'll be a downward spiral. Yet I think I need to.

You need to get professional help fast. If you have a psychiatrist and therapist already, you should be telling them about all this. If you don't have one, go find one quickly.

If you don't have health insurance or are low income, find your local mental health clinic that will offer services on a sliding scale. Tell them what's going with you when call for an appointment. Or go to the emergency room. Get professional help as soon as possible.

I am sorry you are going through this. I second the recommendation to get help fast. I know it can be hard to reach out but you don't want this to become any worse. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Hello. Thanks for replying.

I'm in the U.K. so we have the NHS to (supposedly) 'help'. I do have a psychiatrist - but the waiting list for an appointment is a good while away. I think he has a drop in clinic, but it's only on once a week if that, and not until a Friday.

I'll try and hold on.

I'm still feeling really unsafe. I've been hallucinating today. Seeing bugs, - fly's etc... flying around my face. And earlier, I was trying to distract myself by doing an arrow-word puzzle, and I was seeing clues that weren't really there. But the clues were about things that I find uncomfortable, like relating to things that scare me.

I'm beginning to get more and more confused about what is real. I don't feel quite 'here'

i am sorry about this. help is needed as others say. as i have said to others that experienced what i have been through. listen to the voices, hear them. but most part listen.do not act on hate or self injury.the un wanted guests you see. that is hard but best of 35 years is dont listen to them either, if you see them and no one else does then go on withe you activity you were doing.

I think you may need help quicker than waiting for an appt. The er can get you to see a pysch doctor fast. You may want to consider that option