[Thousand Umbrellas]

I should be finishing up my Junior year, but I only have 13 credits and I may not pass all my classes this semester. My first year, I continually skipped classes, was suspended first semester of my sophomore year, then came back second semester and got 12 credits, then messed around again last semester and am on the same track this semester. I don't consider myself to be "slow" or stupid, for lack of a more suitable word; I just waste time. I also don't feel that it is the same as most others in college who feel lazy or waste time either. I simply can't seem to find the motivation to do anything. My roommate says I'm just lazy and I need to have self-discipline. It's not that easy for me though. I don't see how I can just "tell myself" to do something and do it. I feel as if that ability is almost absent.

I've wasted thousands and thousands of dollars in student loans and it bothers me, but apparently not enough to motivate me to do my work. Some days I will just lay in bed and think or sleep. Others, I will watch movies all day (I watched at least 3 full movies on Netflix yesterday) or sit on youtube browsing videos or on facebook refreshing my profile. I honestly don't know how all the time goes by so easily in a day when those are the kinds of things I do. I don't read (unless it's something small on the internet), do homework, study, go socialize, or do anything else that may be beneficial to myself. The only thing useful I do feel that I do with my life is go running with my roommate, but due to an injury, I haven't done that in almost a week.

One last thing that I feel is important that I've noticed is that when it comes to schooling, it's as if my mind wants to always do the opposite of what I'm suppose to do. If I have homework or need to study (which is everyday) and I think about what I have to do, I find something else to do. It's as if I have no willpower for school at all. Then, if it's an assignment such as a paper, I will do it an hour or two before it is due (if it's studying for an exam, I just don't do it at all). The same goes for anything else that I "need" to do, such as bills, paperwork, or any other obligations, even not related to school.

My advisor and head of the psychology department thinks that some of what I have told her sounds like depression, which I agree, but I also wonder if some of it has to do with some sort of anti-authority problem. Either way, I need to figure out how to fix it and I can't afford going to see a clinician. Any ideas? I figure that's enough info for now, but feel free to ask as many questions as you want. I'm a very open person.

[Fresia]

Welcome to PC!
There can be alot of things going on at once. I would talk to someone though and most schools, as a part of your health fees that you've already paid, offer counseling. Get in touch with them either at health services or it can be a different department. Sometimes it is more difficult at times than others to focus and especially with depression, it's important to get help. You made it this far, talk to someone, the help is there.

Hey there,

I found one semester that I couldn't do anything. I couldn't do the research for my papers, or read the book for the massive book report. Got 66 pages in and stopped there. I think it was depression as I lost all of my meds enroute to california. i emailed my professors (I'm in online school) and told them what was going on. They gave me a continuance but it wasn't enough and i failed all three classes.

I would suggest for you to see the school counselor and go from there. How do you do with self-care like brushing your teeth everyday or showering every day? I find that those two things are a huge indicator of my depressive levels. If I can't find the motivation to do those two things then I'm screwed.

You are however finding the motivation to get out of bed so some of it might just be planning. Think about self-sabotage and if you've done that to yourself in the past. I know for me when things start going well I tend to self-sabotage. That looks like failing in school, not taking care of myself, quitting my meds (which I just did a week and a half ago). If you can recognize it as self-sabotage then you can fight against it. Since you are able to do other things and are not just laying in bed all day long I would suggest that you just plan your day and get yourself to a place like the library where your only choice is to study. You have to be proactive in this, which is sounds like you are being.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Love and Hugs,
Tara

[lxegirl]

well lack of motivation is a symptom(/product) of depression. i never want to do anything when i'm depressed. maybe talk to someone about it. i think if it was an anti-authority problem, you'd have good reasoning for not doing your work rather than you just really didn't want to. Theres not really a thinking process for what you are doing; its just like "i know i have to do this...but ehh" (which i do all the time). So my suggestions are: getting meds, or talking to someone who can help you control your level of motivation. Good luck!

[lastyearisblank]

Are you sure you want to be doing the subject you are doing? Can you connect these daily goals to something bigger you want to achieve?

My second question would be do you have study skills. Not lecturing but if you were one of those scrape-by-on-a-last-minute-clever-remark people in high school it might be worth looking into. It takes a lot more motivation to do something you're not already practiced at doing, because you have to study, and figure out HOW to study all at once!

Are you addicted to anything other than schoolwork? (TV, computer games, online poker?) Maybe study in the library so that it's not as tempting. I try to turn of my internet when I'm writing, not always successfully, but it's less distracting...

Finally if you think you might be depressed or have ADD it might be worth getting it checked out. You sound intelligent, reflective, and like at some level very frustrated by not being able to be "responsible" so I hope that you can call on some other people to help get this figured out! Good luck.

Hello, Thousand Umbrellas. Perhaps you might print your posts here for your treatment team?

[julepsaphira]

You are kind of echoing my own situation expect of course for some minor
differences which include-" I don't read (unless it's something small on the internet), do homework, study, go socialize, or do anything else that may be beneficial to myself. The only thing useful I do feel that I do with my life is go running with my roommate, but due to an injury, I haven't done that in almost a week. "
I stay cooped up in my room whole day, having no friends to go out with.

My exams are coming up next week but I just don't seem to have the desire to sit down with my books and study. I know I should study and how important it is. My parents often quote examples of people they know who wasted their time and ended up doing nothing. They set down examples of students who are so unfortunate that they can't study and here I am, who has all the resources but is not utilizing them. That gives me a push, but all the energy and enthusiasm just fizzles out after sometime. I end up watching movies, listening to songs, or simply lying on my bed whole day just like you. I waste my time like hell. I do realize that, but I am unable to do anything about it.
Anything that I 'need' to do, I don't feel like doing it at all.
Ya, people often think it to be depression, however somehow I don't think that is what the problem is.

I think the first thing you ought to do is stop being bothered about the fact that you are not bothered enough. Relax and take things a little casually. The more you think about why you are not taking things seriously, you will only end up getting entangled in that web of thought and the whole thing will become such a mess that you won't be able to come out of it at all. You have hell a lot of loan, well stop thinking about it. Just drive the thought of loan out of your mind. Completely clear your mind. Next thing you should do is find yourself a friend who is extremely positive in his/her way of thinking and with whom you can do group study, who will actually be very supportive and not just give you pieces of advice on how to be disciplined and all that. Neither are you lazy, nor do you lack motivation. You are somewhere in the in-between. I cannot exactly describe that out to you, but I know that that is where I am too. I had found this really amazing friend to study with and man didn’t I study like hell in those times. I actually enjoyed studying those days and did not worry about my grades. Unfortunately she is not here now, so my source of motivation is gone and I am once again in the in-between. Study only for the love of it. Everything has a routine in today's times, so you chalk out a method by which you won't feel that you 'need' to do the work and do your work as per your convenience and at the same time you will be in sync with the routines.
I'll give you an example for clarity-
I have to study physics for my upcoming exams but whenever I sit down with my books I am reminded of the exam and I loose all my concentration and end up doing something else. So I have found out a different method to solve my problem. I have downloaded the undergraduate physics lectures of Walter Lewin from open courseware site of MIT and I imagine that what I am going to learn now is only for the love of learning. And believe me it has worked wonders for me. Also the fact that Walter Lewin is such an amazing teacher has simply added on more brownie points.

Be a little creative in your approach instead of brooding.

I don't know if this will be of any help to you, but if you need any further help just let me know. And if you could tell me what you are studying maybe I could suggest ways by which you could make it creative so that you won't feel that you 'have' to study it.

Oh another thing, have a positive outlook. It will help a lot.
Hope I did not tire you with such a big reply...