I'm sincerely asking this question rather than ranting and whining because I feel like my mom doesn't want to help me. I asked her if it would be ok if I quit my job, lived with her, and went back to college full time. She yelled at me, and said, "No one quits their job!" She said I'm blind-siding her. I was just bringing up what I would like to do. I didn't say I was gonna do it. I was asking if this plan would be ok with her. Well, obviously not, I guess. My mom struggled to raise my brother and I. We were very poor. When I graduated high school, I paid for community college out of my own pocket. I only have about a year completed. I've tried and failed at earning a college education over the last 10 years. Mainly because basic survival took precedence. Over these past years, I don't think I've allowed myself to even think about pursuing any studies that would take longer than 1-2 years to complete, but I never even finished those plans. I think I'd want to obtain a bachelor's degree, possibly a master's, and just maybe one day, a doctorate. It's just that I don't believe I've ever had or will ever have the financial stability to give these goals a serious chance. My mom keeps saying she doesn't want me to keep working a dead end job, and that I should go back to school. Well, I would like to go back, but I've discovered that I find it very difficult to concentrate on school while I have a job. In my mind, my job becomes more important, and I end up slacking off in school work. I guess I'm feeling resentful because my mom inherited about $80,000 last year when my grandma died. She has some money now, and more to come when my grandma's house is sold. I'm on food stamps, sharing a studio apt. with a jerk boyfriend. I've never been materialistic, or taken my mom's support when I was a kid for granted. I told her how much I respect her for doing it all on her own. She says she doesn't want me to end up like her, but I think I just might at this rate. I know myself well enough that I think I would fail if I tried to go to college again while working. I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. While in school, I'd start to wonder who I'm kidding.....that how dare I think of getting a higher education when there are bills to pay. I'd feel like I have to hurry up, and choose a path that I won't like, but will complete faster. I'm wondering how many students rely on their parents or someone else for some financial support. How many do it totally on their own? I don't expect her to pay my rent. I'd just want to move back to her house. I cleaned up after her when I lived there. I was like the housekeeper. She relies on me instead of my brother when she has a problem. I have helped her a lot. Once the basement flooded during a huge storm. She called me at work, hysterical, and demanding I race home to help clean up the water before the landlord came over. She couldn't do it because her back went out. My co-workers thought I was nuts for leaving work for that. My brother got a break when she got him a job where she works. He gained so much knowledge and experience form that job that he was able to get a better job, and complete a bachelor's degree online, and then get an even better job! He makes $70,000/yr. He didn't even graduate high school. I did, and I make like $12,000/yr. I feel like my family expects me to be there for them, but if I ask for help, I'm a burden. They are my only 2 family members, and I have no friends anymore. I feel hopeless that I will ever have any sort of future. I will be stuck in dead end jobs, and a dead end miserable existence. I wish I could go to college full time, meet new and interesting people, and eventually have a full-filling line of work. This is just a dream though. My life just keeps getting worse.

[Vibe]

I suppose you could ask if you could just have a room and be around more, but you'd still work part time while taking classes. If her back's been out, then it could be beneficial for her to have you around, even. But I wouldn't say you should expect this. Maybe you could also ask your brother for similar assistance? Or take the same kind of route he did and see if you can get hooked up with a position you could grow from? There may be other options... like I suppose you could marry a millionaire.

[Perna]

I do not see any track record in going to school because you want the schooling and are willing to do "whatever it takes". I would put a good plan in motion and then ask for help when and if you need it, not the other way around. As my stepmother use to try to tell me, "you have just as much time as the rest of us".

I don't understand why my mom expects me to help her, but she doesn't expect too much from my brother. I'm struggling here, and he's alright. If he'd sell his collector car, and not buy so much computer equipment, he wouldn't be living paycheck to paycheck. I'm living paycheck to negative paycheck. I feel so left behind. My mom helped my brother get the down payment for his house. She took it out of her retirement money. When he did his taxes a year later, he paid her back. Years ago, my brother stole $700 from my mom because at that point he was unemployed, but all was forgiven. He asked our estranged grandma (not the one who died) for $4,000 to buy a Jeep. He never finished paying her back. She just lost her son (my dad,) and I was the one there by his and her side in the hospital. My brother couldn't brave it out to come see my dad one last time. I don't get why he was so mad at my dad. How did having no child support really affect him today? He's doing pretty well now. Maybe he was just ashamed because he never paid my grandma back. She's on a fixed income though. I would never dare to ask anyone for money who was on a fixed income. As for college, I qualify for grants and federal loans, so I don't need tuition money. I was just hoping for a place to live without having to worry about living expenses. If I got a college education, and could work a decent job, I could end up supporting my mom when she retires.........if she even needs me to. She's got like 10 more years unless she retires early. I just feel so bad that no one can help me get ahead, but they all seem to have received some sort of help. I guess I'll just have to improve my credit the next 4 years, and take out a living expense loan, and then focus on college. I could take a few classes in the mean time, I suppose. A year ago, I found a letter my uncle had written to my other grandma (both have since died.) He was telling her how my brother bought a house, and a dog, and all this stuff. About me, he wrote, that he thinks I work at Target. Ouch. I didn't know my own family thought of me as being so unsuccessful. ANYWAY, I'm rambling. I guess I just wanted other people's opinions on whether I'm being totally unreasonable asking for some help in order to complete my education.

I know I'm probably sounding like a spoiled brat who thinks I'm entitled to help, but I just wonder about other people and how they do it. I was discussing loans and school with this one guy, and I asked if he's still paying off his student loans. He said no. Then I asked how he paid them off so soon. He told me his parents paid for his college. It seems that most people (not all) have the support of their parents or a spouse or someone like that. I have completed a year of community college. I had to move out back then because my mom was drinking. I took one class at a time while working full time to barely support myself. I burnt myself out back then. So, I moved back home after a year, hoping to go back to school full time, but found myself looking for another full time job because she was still drinking heavily and I couldn't stand it. Years passed, and I just worked part time, and acted as housekeeper. Then, I went to vet tech school. My car broke down, and I had to take 2 trains to get to and from school. The travel time was about 3 hours a day at 5 days a week. Then I worked on the weekends at 5am. I had no days off. I did this for about a year. I burnt myself out again, and gave it all up. I started over, and got a job for $8.50/hr. so I could buy a used car. Then, I went back to my old job so I could make a little more money. I've applied for full time positions there so I could possibly go to college online, but they chose to hire other people for those full time positions. My lease is almost up at my current apt. where I live with my boyfriend who has pretty much used me so he could pay off his debt and get ahead. Now, I have to rely on him to make ends meet because I don't earn enough money with my hours being cut. I'm so sick from it all. It could be worse though. I could be living in my car.

[Travelinglady]

I was blessed that my parents paid for my schooling, but I don't think it's a "given " that parents have to. I have a friend who is now in her 60's who has a mom like yours. Her mom bends over backwards for the son, but didn't do diddly for my friend's schooling, etc. I don't know if it's a sexist thing (women are supposed to marry a man well off enough to support them) or what.

My husband and I are both on disability. Our sons are both in college and have been able to get government money because we are so poor. Also, some scholarships.

Have you checked into anything like that? Are you on your own or are you still considered a "dependent" on your mother? How about talking to someone at the college about financial aid? I think it's at least something to check into.

[rosesarered]

Even though going into debt would suck, maybe you could try loans? You'd have to have
some sort of schooling plan in place though, and in a field where you could get a job
pretty quick to start repayment. I have a friend who lives off loans and a really lame
part-time job. Maybe if you did that and your mom saw you working toward your
goal on your own, she'd be more inclined to help?
Or you could tell her that you'll only help her as much as she helps you. If she thinks
you're just supposed to be there for her whenever to do whatever, then it needs to
be a two way street. It's not fair of her to expect that out you without something
in return. You're not supposed to have to tale care of her, she's the mother - not you.

[unaluna]

I agree with you, my fellow Aquarian sister, it SHOULDN'T be too much to expect, given the circumstances, but the reality is, it IS too much to expect from our particular son-preferring, daughter-rejecting mothers. My T's told me thru the years that I would do better to go on my own instead of fighting to get what I was "entitled" to from my family. Cut the cord. You will go much farther without them holding you back.

[Jan1212]

My dad paid for my tuition, but I flunked out and we owed 70K. I am transferred now. You sound independent, it made you a hard worker, you're only becoming more diligent.

After flunking, for years I was working and quitting minimum wage jobs and taking general courses at a local college. Those years I was dealing with a suicidal sister, a violent mother who asked me come home from dorms, family therapy, and a upset heartbroken dad. Things happened and they gave her my car, I was late to work and my classes when I found out my car wasn't in the garage... she needed to meet with her older man friend.. My parents thought I was hopeless, compared me to everyone, they whole heartely supported my engineer-aspiring brother.
Now, I partially paid for my tuition. I got into a program now and my scholarship is paying for this coming up semester at least.

Nowadays we rely on our parents longer because starting out in life after getting out is just too difficult. It makes sense to let you stay at home as long as you can help out. I don't know if she is a trigger for you though..

We don't think we'd go anywhere, but we are... we don't notice it but we realize new things, we accomplish new things, learn new experiences, we will get there... in time. You are what you make of yourself, don't compare yourself to other people, you are working for what you get, they aren't and you should be proud

[Blue Poppy]

My parents could not afford to help me with university, so I used student loans to make my way through. I did choose a profession in healthcare, which helped me to pay off the loans after I was finished.
Although it would be nice to have more support from your mother, I would say that if you expect nothing, than you won't be disappointed.
Doing it on your own is certainly the tougher route, but the sense of accomplishment and independence earned is worth it!
I wish you success in your endeavors, whatever they may be.