Mother won't leave me alone about school

I've been out of college for the past two years, graduated with a BS in psychology. I've been intending to go to grad school, but I honestly haven't really narrowed down what I'm interested in going for, though I am planning to stay in the psychology field. My mom talks to me about how much she wants me to go back to school EVERY SINGLE DAY, even making these little sarcastic comments to me about it.

An older, now retired friend of hers went for her PhD and spent years doing counseling and psychological testing in schools. My mother invited the woman over to provide general guidance to me about returning to school, then my mom sat there are took little notes on everything the woman said. I didn't even have any questions for her at the moment, as I haven't really decided on a general direction to pursue. My mother just won't stop pushing me, and it's driving me insane.

I keep telling her that it's something I need to figure out for myself, and that I'll let her know when I'm ready to take a tour at a school or make an appointment with someone at admissions. I've even told her that when she keeps talking to me about it, it makes me not want to look at schools, because I feel like I'm being forced into doing it for her instead of it being something that I want to do for myself. Obviously, I'm the one going! She said she just hates to see me floundering in life, and that she just wants me to be successful and self-sufficient.

I understand that she's just trying to help, and I'm trying my best to not say anything rude to her or push her away, because I do appreciate the help. I just feel like I want to bash my head against a wall every time she mentions school.

sorry this is happening...

yeah parents can be like that- i do hope you do well in what ever you decide to do

Are you working or doing anything (I assume you still live at home?) much away from home? That's what I'd do, I'd find something to do away from your mother to redirect her focus and I'd study the APA site and what they might be able to teach me about my options:

http://www.apa.org/education/undergr...ch-career.aspx

My question also: Are you working while you are contemplating your plans for graduate school? If not, then I frankly can understand her wish to get you up and moving. At some point you do need to decide. Have you narrowed down your options at all?

I am still living at home, yes. I've been working as a TSS for kids with behavior problems and developmental delays in their homes/schools/communities/etc, and up until two weeks ago I had a temp job on the side which involves working with children in low income housing developments. I'm still in the process of looking for better opportunities.

I have (slightly) narrowed down my options with school. At the moment my general focus involves a masters in art therapy or mental health counseling (potentially a degree in counseling with a specialization in art therapy?). When my mom's friend dropped by, she actually discouraged going for counseling and recommended clinical psychology instead (and when I was in school, almost all of my professors bashed clinical psych programs). I just feel weirdly torn.

After rereading my first post now that I'm less frustrated over the situation, I can't help but feel so... childish and obnoxious. I just wish she'd give me more space regarding figuring it all out. I can handle it! A friend of mine teaches at one of the schools I'd been looking at, and he's been a great source of information regarding who to talk to in what department. Another older friend graduated from a different school I've been looking at, in the same program I had been considering. He was also a big help with all the general insider information. It's not like I'm not doing anything to look into places, I just want to make sure that I'm fully invested in both heart and mind in whatever direction I want to pursue.

want my opinion?
follow your heart.
tell her to shut the F up.
remind her youre an adult.
and just start right now enforcing new boundaries.
shes your mom so she will still love you,
even if you do bash her head against the wall.
and that might not be a bad idea...
not literally. and definitely dont bash your OWN head against the wall.
but you need to push her away a little.
teach her how to treat you!
otherwise, you will never fly.

Insideout, from my perspective, you're being a bit tough on mom. Yes, I can understand how annoying parents can be. My 84-year-old mother can still push my buttons. However, I, too, would be wondering about my son who was still living at home two years after graduating from college. Yes, the very point is that he is an adult.

Now, that said, Sesame, adults do have to make decisions, and we rarely know all the implications of them. For example, marrying someone.....taking a job.....We just have to decide based on what we can learn at the time. If your mom sees that you are taking action, then maybe she will back off.

Off hand, I do know that historically it's very tough to get into grad school in clinical psychology--at least into Ph.D. programs. I would encourage you, though, to follow through on the connections you have, and try to keep researching, but not drag your feet too long. Even though you're an adult, there's nothing immature about keeping your mom in the loop of what you're doing to head into a career you believe you can feel comfortable with.

And try to be helpful at home, if you haven't been, especially if you are being given free room and board. For good or bad, I admit that it is hard for us parents to ever completely see our children as grown-ups--and we always want to jump in when we see them struggling.

Well, you're heard the prospective of an "old lady mom." It might but be what you wanted to hear, but....By the way, I have a Ph.D. in social psychology and was a college professor for many years. I will take your perspective to heart, Sesame, as I deal with my two young adults, who will be graduating from college in the next several years.....

thanks payne,
no offense intended.
i am not big into family.
so i come from a different perspective i guess.
i dont care if someone is related to me by blood,
doesnt mean i have to put up with them.
but thats just me.
i cant put myself in your shoes.
cuz i dont have that kind of love from my family.
hate them all.
and they dont care for me either.

I'm sorry about your family, insideout. Of course, I could tell you were angry about family issues of your own. I appreciate your thoughtfulness--and I do hope that one day you will be able to experience a good, healthy family life of your own. No family is perfect, and I can tell you my boys certainly agree that I could have done some things better--and still could--but I felt like sesame has a mom who does mean well, albeit who can be a pain!

Am I right, sesame?

Of course. My mom is an amazing, amazing woman, and I could only hope to be even half as remarkable of a person as she is. I couldn't ask for anyone to be more supportive of me. My parents and I are very close. It's just that in this particular area, there's a little bit of friction! I think what really frustrates me about all of this is that, at times, I truly don't know what I want, and I guess I just feel concerned about making the wrong decision for myself and wasting time/money/etc. It's hard to feel pushed when I'm not entirely sure in what direction I want to push myself in. I know I can only benefit from continuing on with my education, but I guess I just worry about if what I'm looking into is really "right" for me, though I can't imagine myself heading into other fields of study outside of psychology.

While I was in school, I was a research assistant for a professor of mine who taught social psychology. We were very close, and he had a big influence on me. I loved every minute of working (I think I almost sobbed my eyes out when I found out I was graduating early, and I still send that professor messages every once in a while asking if he needs any extra assistance with coding data or anything, haha!). For the majority of the duration of my stay at school, I had been planning to pursue a PhD in social psychology upon graduating. While I loved it as I was doing the work, after I graduated I couldn't help but feel like I wouldn't be even remotely passionate about it if I were doing it as a career, specifically in an academic context (e.g. trying for tenure, needing x number of published research papers per year depending on the university, typing up and revising research proposals, etc).

I suppose I haven't really met anyone who immediately just knew what they wanted, like "Yes, this is exactly what I'm meant to be doing." It's just intimidating to take a plunge without knowing where it's going to lead.

I can certainly understand, sesame. Yes, social psych is more a research and teaching degree. Have you checked out the info Perna suggested from the APA? (Oops, I'm sounding momish.) As you know, there are many different areas in psychology. It sounds like you're leaning more toward an applied area....

My younger son is dealing much with the same issues you are. He and I have a lot of discussions about his possible future plans. It seems like he gets annoyed with me sometimes when I don't say, "Here's exactly what you need to do...."

Just a thought--you might go back to a General Psych text and review the options again, looking over the topics the areas cover.

You sound like an amazing young man, by the way.

Hi Sesame - proceed in ways that are best for you, and don't allow others
to pressure you (if that is what's happening). Others need to respect your
boundaries, and a person's career is too big of an issue for allowing others
to interfere. If you want their input, then fine - ask for it, and listen to what
they have to say, if you find this useful. All the best.

I have the same problem with my mom the only difference is my mom tries to get me to change my major. She has always dreamed of having two doctors or a lawyer and a doctor in the family. Sadly neither of them is my major. I am an education major. She has put so much pressure on me saying well teachers don't make much money. Which to me its not about the money I make its about seeing the joy a child gets when they learn something new for the first time.I want to put that glow in their eyes and the smile on their face. I love children want two of my own some day. I know what it is like to have that pressure.

Hi all!

Hmmm.... an Overprotective-to-the-point-of-Chronically-Anxious-and-Controlling mom. Something I can definitely relate to.. ^^;

There are some really insightful and (IMO) useful advice whizzing around here. Let me just take the opportunity to say that @sesame, it seems you are heading down an incredibly admirable road with your passion in psychology and your desire to teach and help people with their internal problems. It's a really noble ambition!

From your mom's POV, however, it might look like you committing career & financial suicide xD, which is a painful notion for any caring mother.

As @PAYNE1 says, she is really just worried sick about you and your future, but it is to the extent that it's probably smothering you and blocking you from moving forward towards your ambition. This will probably start to make you doubt yourself and will form a solid negative feedback loop until you decide it's time to stop.

I don't really know much about psychology in terms of how best to start a career, but my advice to you would be to research and get as much support from professionals in the field as possible. I'm sure your professor would help you out

One thing that helped me (and is still helping me), is to picture the huge number of people you can genuinely help through psychology, and how much fulfillment you will gain from it because it is something you truly, deeply care about and believe in. And then tell your mom about it - tell her about your passion. Once she slowly but surely starts seeing your passion and your conviction, she will begin to understand and she will start going from LOCKDOWN mode to APPROVAL mode.

You really won't regret making this decision down the line. So best of luck!!

PS @brokenandalone1234, are you by any chance asian? lol