[asp1079]

I just can't deal with how school destroys my life. My willingness to live, my ability to be happy and feel happiness freely inside. It's been this way for 5 years. I've been depressed for this time and school makes it so much worse.

I guess I'll have to go on a higher dose of medication. I think it's my perfectionism causing issues too. But it's the terrible sense of never being appreciated or good enough in a teacher's eyes that really, really makes me lack the motivation. I just want to be praised. I sound like a foolish child... I just don't know anymore. Right now I feel more unappreciated than ever. It's this feeling of being ignored or picked on that makes me want to just quit. I think it's my BPD that makes me feel this way too.

I'm just sick and tired of trying SO hard to do the best I can do and never being acknowledged or given a break when I'm not well or feeling suicidal. [Of course, you can't come out to a teacher and say 'Give me a break, I'm so suicidal-depressive right now' but still.] I just long for once to have compassion from someone in school and I never, ever get it.

I just wish I could drop out. I'm getting to this place where school is not worth my LIFE being destroyed.

Has anyone ever felt this way???

[DistractableArtist]

I can sort of relate--
I suspect I've got ADD so things are REALLY hard to focus on in school, I'm really frustrated and I just feel miserable, stressed, depressed, and overwhelmed due to school.
And we don't have insurance or a lot of money, so I can't go to the doctor for a diagnosis or medicine. I'm not suicidal(I value life a lot), but I'm not happy either.
I just wish school would end. It WOULD be nice to be appreciated for what I can achieve, and I guess I feel a little undervalued? But not even my parents can help me right now, my mom just tells me to 'Just get it done' and I can't express to her how I CAN'T. It's SO hard.

I wish this would get better, for you and me. I feel lost, I guess. =(

I don't know if it's offered where you live, but check out if on-line school is offered. Do all the research and then approach your parents. You only have to talk to your teacher on occasion, have as much time as you want on your assignments so you can be as "perfect" as you want to be, and have no face-to-face classmates. Can't hurt to see if it's an option.