[henrydavidtherobot]

A little background:

Though my CC transcripts are mediocre (3.4, I was going through a lot with my sister's death and surviving an abusive relationship), I've been a great student at my 4 year institution. I have a 3.96 (I cried when I lost my 4.0), edit my school's lit journal, work two jobs in my field (English), was accepted to read one of my short stories at an International honors convention, have an internship, and have a leadership position in my school's only feminist organization. I haven't been worried about my future. I've been looking forward to graduating in December.

Last semester, I started having dizzy spells that left me unable to work. I had to leave that job after a month of medical leave. Days later, my mother attempted suicide while I was visiting her.

Though I always go to class, actively participate, do my reading, and turn in my work on time, I am struggling really hard with Arabic and Greek Theater (both honors courses). I'm looking at a B in both if I work for it. I feel like I am putting in so much effort, but I know that I can't work all of my waking hours anymore if I want to avoid getting ill again. I'm trying so hard, but I feel like I am going to ruin my GPA. I guess that I can kiss grad school (I was opting for U of M) goodbye

I hate feeling that I'm ruining everything. The only thing that I want to do with my life is teach at a university. I don't know why I'm suddenly not good enough.

I can't help but feel like the biggest failure in the world right now.

[Yoda]

It might be in your favor to apply for grad school at several different schools rather than 'put all your eggs in one basket'.

[henrydavidtherobot]

Very true, I do have my heart set though. I plan on applying to several. I'm just afraid that I won't get into a good one I honestly don't think that I'll be happy at a mediocre grad school. I won't be challenged or find people that I want to be around.

[tinyrabbit]

My therapist would say: that sounds like a lot of fear to have.

You know, it sounds like being a great student is a really important part of your identity and you're worried you might not be a great student any more. Ever think you're a great student who's not having a great time right now.

Have you talked to your tutors? I'm in England so sorry if that's not the right term. Can you tell them you're having a hard time? Is there any make-up work you could do to bump up your grade? Can you postpone applying to grad school and spread your work out over more time?

[astenon]

I agree with TinyRabbit, you've not failed at all. Cripes, anyone's grades would take a hit after their Mum attempted suicide. Add ill health and it's bloody impressive you're still managing to do all that you are doing. Bravo to you!

Try not to be too hard on yourself. Keep plugging away and I'm sure you'll get to where you want to be. If you don't manage to get to U of M, don't be hard on yourself, sometimes these diversions that life throws us can be better than what we hoped to do.

[Travelinglady]

Have you actually checked to see what G.P.A. is the minimum accepted at the grad school you want to go to? I know you want to be as competitive as possible, but you might actually be pushing yourself too hard. Gee, some folks would be absolutely thrilled with your record. I know I am impressed.

Don't recommendations and G.R.E. scores count for something in the admissions process as well?

I happen to know not all other schools would be just "mediocre." I agree not to just put all your plans (eggs) in this one basket. It would be risky for anybody to just apply to one grad school anyway, even with a 4.0.

Conclusion: Your future is not "ruined." Please don't make it into a catastrophe when it truly is not. What grad schools do other English professors have their degrees from, especially more recent graduates? I bet they all didn't graduate from this one school.

[Pikku Myy]

Never give up!!!!!!! Hugs

[roads]

Unless you have connections, like your dad is an alumnus, you can't count on getting into one particular grad school these days, can you? Apply to several, get in one, become a teacher whom students seek out--it's a terrific life! I didn't teach for a lot of years, but I still hear from and enjoy visits from former students ... And they've gone on to do some amazing things.
Always have options, plans B, C, D. It's really tempting fate (or as my 10-yr old friend says, "Asking for it") when you place all your chips on a single roll of the die.
roadie

[catsrhelm]

You are not a failure. So what if you got knocked for a loop due to circumstances beyond your control? You should feel flattered to be in honors classes. I would like to be in a class, but my financial aide had to be validated, so I have to wait until the fall semester. I sure miss socializing with my fellow students.

[Travelinglady]

By the way: Having a parent who graduated from the school isn't a guarantee any more, unless the parent is extremely wealthy and promises to provide a new building for the campus.

[henrydavidtherobot]

Thanks for all of the support, guys. I really appreciate it. I agree that I shouldn't put all of my eggs in one basket (I won't) and that it's good to be open to other options in life, but I know that I will be devastated if the best that I can get into is a master program at a small state university (not to insult anyone-that is just not what I want to do). Also, I'm afraid that I wouldn't be around the people that I've been looking forward to meeting. My time at this state university has been lonely/alienating enough!

I did talk to my instructors and they are willing to help me out a bit. Fortunately, both think that I can get back to an A if I work hard. I'm very happy.

Unfortunately, I can not spread my workload out, For starters, that would cost my father money and it wouldn't be fair to him. Also, if I want to have children and get tenure, I can't dilly dally (higher education is sexist, I know). I'm already taking a year and a half off to teach English in the Middle East.

Anyway, you guys have helped calm me down and have reminded me to stay grounded. I'll make it work. Thanks guys.

[missingremedy]

I know it seems overwhelming right now, but it seems like you're a really hard worker. Having that said, I'm sure you'll be able to accomplish everything you've wanted to do. Just hang in there and don't give up!!