[Maven]

A few weeks ago, I decided I'd contact my college counselor to let her know I have some issues with using the library because of my OCD. I didn't want to make it known that I have mental problems, but I thought maybe the counselor could help me explain to professors if they want the class to do a paper(s) and use the library for research, that I have OCD issues and it's really a major problem for me to touch used books, and be in the library itself. I wasn't trying to say I shouldn't have to do the papers, but I wanted to see if I could get an exception to using the library for papers and reports, instead using other resources. Last fall, we were expected to do a paper and use at least one book from the library. I didn't complete that class.

The counselor asked what I expected her to ask: "Can't you wear rubber gloves?" Besides the fact that being inside the library is dirty to me itself, have you tried wearing rubber gloves and trying to make sure your exposed wrists, arms and even clothing doesn't come in contact with the book, especially if it's a thick one? Often, you'll look through more than one book. Sitting at the tables would be a problem, and I'd have to do some writing or taking notes. Try wearing rubber gloves, holding a pen to paper, and trying to keep your wrists and arms from touching the table (so your arms would be lifted while keeping your hand on the paper to write). It's not as easy as it sounds, and it's all too easy to make a mistake, and--POOF!--now you have to wash and go through an annoying OCD ritual, plus try not to touch your car or other property with the area of skin or clothing that got "dirty". For some reason, I didn't go into all that. I didn't want to sound like a whiner or that I'm unreasonable. I told the counselor that I couldn't even be inside the library without feeling dirty, though.

She told me there was nothing she could do for me, and that I should use my obligations in the library as "exposure therapy". I've come a long way with my OCD, but exposure therapy doesn't work that simply. And I don't need to get all stressed out with my OCD while I'm stressed out trying to get my work done!

Also, this may be nothing, but I sent an email to a potential art professor to explain I had OCD and asked if it would be all right if I used rubber gloves when we worked with charcoal (if we did). I'd still struggle with trying to keep my skin and clothes away from the paper, but I figured I'd ask this. The first time I emailed him, at which time I didn't mention the OCD, he got back to me the very next day. This time, after telling him about the OCD, he hasn't written back yet. As I said, it may be nothing, but this isn't the first time I've mentioned having a mental illness and suddenly getting the cold shoulder.

What do you think about telling counselors and professors about your mental illnesses?

[LiteraryLark]

Take my "advice" with a grain of salt, because I've had a strong germ fear to the point I couldn't care for my pets and had gone seven years without taking out the trash but without being OCD, so I may not be of any real help. But I do sympathize!

The counselor might be on to something with the exposure therapy. That is how I got over my germ fear, slowly but surely touching things and refusing to wash my hands for a certain time. Perhaps once a day go to the library, sit at the table and put your hands on the desk for five or ten minutes without letting go of the table or going to wash your hands. When the ten minutes is up, go wash your hands. And then make it fifteen minutes touching a used book, flipping through the pages and touching all over it, then when the fifteen minutes is up wash your hands. But bring a timer with you and set a time so that you know you cannot wash your hands until the time is up. Try doing the same thing with charcoal. Realize that charcoal is not dirt or germy, it's "just a messy rock". Sometimes knowing that it's not real dirt or real germs than it makes it easier. With a fear that severe I don't know how likely that will help, but that's how I overcame my phobia. I hadn't touched a garbage can in 7 years. Then I decided to try touching the garbage can and then washing right after, then I tried touching it and then only using hand sanitizer, then after I became confident I took the trash out to the bins and emptied the garbage out. Once I did that a few times I became confident and only wash my hands if it's the wet garbage.

But I think exposure therapy, even if it's only for five minutes, can be really beneficial to you. It may not "cure" this fear, but it may help overcome that fear.

[LiteraryLark]

You can try filing for disability, but I am not to sure what they can offer you. Maybe you can get financial aid and have them issue you "clean" unused books.

Also, why did you choose art? It is very messy!

[Maven]

I don't have to wash my hands the moment I touch something dirty. I can go all day without washing, but I have to keep track of anything I "contaminate" so I can clean that later, too. I feel dirty no matter how long I go without washing. Exposure therapy I've done myself has only been successful to a limited point. None of my pdocs or psychologists have done it. They just give me meds.

The problem with charcoal isn't so much the material, but the fact that it's in a school. I have come a long way--my boyfriend can attest to that--and I didn't used to be able to handle going to college, but I found more successful meds and worked my way through some things, so now I'm taking the opportunity to go.

I already get disability. As for the books, I try to buy new.

I didn't choose all art classes. I chose drawing because I want to improve my abilities. I was signed up for graphic arts, but it turned out to be different than what I thought it was, so I dropped out. I'm signed up to learn web graphics and animation, though. I'd love to be able to do computer art. At home, as long as I had enough space to work (which I don't, except for drawing in a sketchbook, but I don't have room for an easel or to store paints), the art supplies don't leave me feeling dirty. It's just at college or in certain other places.

[Perna]

If I were you and wanted to stay in college at this time, I would switch to an online school, where there are no materials besides my own (although you might have to go use the computer somewhere else to take some proctored tests).

[ThisWayOut]

Would it help to bring your own supplies? Often times artists will wear smocks, can you get a few to wear while working at school? It sounds like a tough situation. Can you talk to your counselor again and maybe tell her more of your thoughts behind your concerns? I know I sometimes have trouble making clear my needs, and needed to write it down so I can get it all across. I tend to freeze up and not be able to explain myself if there is a misunderstanding or if the person doesn't get what I'm asking. A lot of times for me, what I ask ends up sounding like something total different than what I'm trying to ask, so I get a lot of negative reactions. When that happens, I have to do myself and correct what I am trying to say by telling the person that I don't know how exactly to ask, but that I know it's coming of wrong. It sounds like that happened with the counselor. I don't know how helpful that would be with the library situation, but maybe you can ask for a conversation to brainstorm ideas on how to handle the ocd in the library? I sometimes also am not sure what to ask for when asking for help. If your solution is not acceptable to the university, would you be open to taking to them about what is difficult about the solution? It might be helpful to pull your private treaters into this at least by having conversions with them. . It doesn't sound like the counselor at school is getting the magnitude and value of your concerns. Maybe you can practice what you want to say with someone else first (either your boyfriend or your pdoc?).
Also, you said you are on meds, can you something extra for the anxiety before heading to the library or art class? It may not take it all away, but it could take the edge off.
Just some thoughts. It sounds like a tough situation. But congrats on coming so far already.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Maven

A few weeks ago, I decided I'd contact my college counselor to let her know I have some issues with using the library because of my OCD. I didn't want to make it known that I have mental problems, but I thought maybe the counselor could help me explain to professors if they want the class to do a paper(s) and use the library for research, that I have OCD issues and it's really a major problem for me to touch used books, and be in the library itself. I wasn't trying to say I shouldn't have to do the papers, but I wanted to see if I could get an exception to using the library for papers and reports, instead using other resources. Last fall, we were expected to do a paper and use at least one book from the library. I didn't complete that class.

The counselor asked what I expected her to ask: "Can't you wear rubber gloves?" Besides the fact that being inside the library is dirty to me itself, have you tried wearing rubber gloves and trying to make sure your exposed wrists, arms and even clothing doesn't come in contact with the book, especially if it's a thick one? Often, you'll look through more than one book. Sitting at the tables would be a problem, and I'd have to do some writing or taking notes. Try wearing rubber gloves, holding a pen to paper, and trying to keep your wrists and arms from touching the table (so your arms would be lifted while keeping your hand on the paper to write). It's not as easy as it sounds, and it's all too easy to make a mistake, and--POOF!--now you have to wash and go through an annoying OCD ritual, plus try not to touch your car or other property with the area of skin or clothing that got "dirty". For some reason, I didn't go into all that. I didn't want to sound like a whiner or that I'm unreasonable. I told the counselor that I couldn't even be inside the library without feeling dirty, though.

She told me there was nothing she could do for me, and that I should use my obligations in the library as "exposure therapy". I've come a long way with my OCD, but exposure therapy doesn't work that simply. And I don't need to get all stressed out with my OCD while I'm stressed out trying to get my work done!

Also, this may be nothing, but I sent an email to a potential art professor to explain I had OCD and asked if it would be all right if I used rubber gloves when we worked with charcoal (if we did). I'd still struggle with trying to keep my skin and clothes away from the paper, but I figured I'd ask this. The first time I emailed him, at which time I didn't mention the OCD, he got back to me the very next day. This time, after telling him about the OCD, he hasn't written back yet. As I said, it may be nothing, but this isn't the first time I've mentioned having a mental illness and suddenly getting the cold shoulder.

What do you think about telling counselors and professors about your mental illnesses?

I have a friend that has an autoimmune disease where he was unable to come in contact with anything outside his sterile environment (his home) basically a bubble boy during his childhood. As an adult he is able to be out in the community but because of his autoimmune disease he must limit his contact with germs as much as possible.

he is a college student. some college students who dont have a problem with germs dont realize that even getting a bottle of soda or cup of coffee from the lunch room or vending machine is a disaster waiting to happen germ wise. he cant even pick up a bottle of his favorite sode, tea, or coffee..use someone elses pen or use his own after its been dropped, not happening...

how he handles objects that have not been sterilized and being in environments where there are germs and people sneezing, wiping their noses, coughing, spitting when they talk and all that gross stuff many of us take for granted is by

....wearing a face mask over his nose and mouth.
.....he carries with him a disposable plastic rain poncho,
....hospital rubber gloves (yes they make some that go clear up the arm right up to the arm pits and they are relatively inexpensive when you consider the expense that it takes should a germ reek havoc in his body...)

he does not shake hands and requires his friends not to hug, or touch unless they don a pair of his gloves..

each time he leaves a classroom or library or lunch room off comes the worn poncho/gloves /mask and on goes a new sterile set.

all he had to do to get permission for this accommodation to his health issue was fill out the required forms with the registrars office. his instructors automatically received a private note from the registrars office that they had a student that fits the ADA for special accommodations and what his needs were.

so all his instructors know not to hand him anything unless he has his "protective gear" on. they dont make a big issue out of it at all. sometimes a student will stare so my friend uses the time during the first session of every class to introduce himself and explain about his "protective gear".

he isnt the only student at this college that has to wear "protective gear" of some kind some people wear face masks for allergies or colds, others wear gloves...

yes wearing protective gear can be a challenge at first but those I know with autoimmune diseases, OCD, allergies and what not tell me its well worth it.

by the way he gets his up to the arm pit gloves through a medical supply store in town.

[Maven]

I just want to post this real fast, to let you know I'll respond to your posts probably tomorrow night. I'm kind of in a rush here, but I look forward to talking to you all again about this.

[Vossie42]

Originally Posted by Maven

This time, after telling him about the OCD, he hasn't written back yet. As I said, it may be nothing, but this isn't the first time I've mentioned having a mental illness and suddenly getting the cold shoulder.

He may be worried about inadvertently saying something wrong and getting sued for it. I'm sure you didn't imply that to him, but he may be worried about it all the same. He may have to consult with the university disability office before he can reply. Right or wrong, American society has become so litigious, and that makes people hesitate to do or say things. I think your teacher's not answering you has more to do with him than you.

[Maven]

I got a reply today from both professors I was waiting to hear from. The professor I contacted telling him I had OCD said if I sign up, we can discuss any issues. The other is for a class not offered this fall, but he's saying I might be able to sign up for independent study (I hadn't heard of that). Anyway, some things to think about.

Perna, some of my classes are online, and that's taking a risk, because a lot of companies won't hire someone who's gone to college online. They feel you don't get the real "college experience" that way. I would much prefer all online classes.

MdngtRain, Thanks for your post. Sometimes that's exactly how it is for me...I'm trying to communicate one thing, and it comes out another way. People who don't see the world from your point of view won't always see what's so clear to yourself. As for the art supplies, in this class (different from my previous college), the professor tells you what supplies to get, so there's an advantage there (except maybe cost). In my last college, you bought an art kit with everything you need from the bookstore.

The meds I'm on, five of them are for anxiety and OCD already. And my physician wants me to get off of some of them, because they're affecting my health and sex drive. I feel that only a couple of them are really helping, anyway, but one of the ones that does really help may be causing many of my problems. I know all the reports, documentaries, talk shows, books, articles, etc., describe a person in an OCD situation as suffering anxiety, but I only feel anxiety if I know I'm about to get dirty (anxious from the anticipation), or if I do it suddenly by accident. After that, I'm no longer anxious, but rather irritated and frustrated. And angry, because I have to go through all the washing and crap.

amandalouise, thank you for sharing the info about yours friend. I hadn't thought about the gloves that go all the way up the arm; I didn't know they had them that far up, although I know farmers wear long ones when they have to insert their arm into a cow's behind to check for pregnancy (and whatever else they might do that for). I didn't know longer gloves might be publicly available. There's a medical supply store (probably more than one) not too far from me, so I could check there. If not, I'd probably have to order them from somewhere, since I'm pretty sure the local Walmart and chain stores don't have them. Maybe Home Depot would, I don't know. Anyway, that's what Google's for. Thanks!

Vossie42, you make a good point. I'm just a little sensitive and suspicious when I don't receive an answer right away (or at all) after revealing something personal like OCD, because it's happened a number of times. In this case, I will admit to jumping to conclusions, since the professor has responded now.

Thanks, all. I appreciate your support.

[Miswimmy1]

I'm a little late to this conversation... but....

I have been looking at different colleges (i'm a junior in high school) and the first thing i do is check the accomodations office or whatever its called, to see what they are able to provide. I've found that some schools are a lot more accomodating than others. I am curious... have you gone to the disabilites office?

I think that your professor probably hasn't gotten back to you, because it sounds like you have already began the classes, and you are going through the professor, as opposed to the official disabilites office or whatever. he probably wanted to check with them before getting back to you.

[Maven]

I've contacted the counselor, which is for people with disabilities and other issues. I talked with her over the phone.

My professor did get back to me; I think I mentioned it in my last post. If I didn't, sorry about that. He said if I signed up, we'd talk about the physical needs accommodations. But no, I haven't begun the classes. They don't start until the fall.

[Secretum]

Maven, college can be very difficult for someone with a mental illness. Have you tried CBT for your OCD? Meds alone don't help everyone; sometimes therapy is needed. If you could break the power OCD has over your behavior, you wouldn't need to explain yourself. My brother has OCD (much milder than yours; he only has obsessions, no compulsions), and with medication and a year worth of therapy he is functioning extremely well. I had OCD symptoms when I was younger (like you, I was afraid of "contamination"; I washed my hands 30+ times per day till they bled). Logically challenging my obsessions really helped me (i.e. "most people don't get deathly ill or cause others to get deathly ill by not washing their hands after touching their hair. Chances are, if I touch my hair, I don't need to wash my hands.") I understand that simply reasoning through the obsessions may not work very well for you since your OCD is so severe, but it is something to try.

As far as telling professors about your MI, I suggest not doing it unless it is necessary and you are sure the prof will understand. I made the mistake of telling my experimental psych prof about my bipolar and ADHD, and he used it as an excuse to bully me. He made me cry twice. He gave me a "C" in the class even though I got "As" on all of the exams; he graded my final project extremely harshly.

Good luck with this situation!

[IntricateSunlight]

I had an issue with my college library as well, though my situation was different. I am fine with the library itself, as well as the books inside of it. I went in there all of the time between classes to browse the web on my laptop, maybe get a little writing done and things like that to waste time. When the time came where I actually needed a resource from the library, I felt like I was facing a giant wall because the books were on the opposite side of the library. I wasn't comfortable with going to that side of the library at all. I felt like that if I went over there, I would have a panic attack. I talked to a few close friends about it and they didn't seem to really understand what I was going through and the distress the thought of going to an unfamiliar place like the opposite side of the library caused in me. However, they did keep encouraging me and pushing me. I talked to myself in the library everyday (of course not out loud...at least I think it wasn't) trying to will myself to go. It's either that, or I fail the paper. Luckily for me, eventually I managed the feel good enough to go over there. And I accomplished that. Although I still felt (and still feel) very uncomfortable while over there. I guess it's the way the shelves feel smothering and cluttered or because it's like a confusing maze. I'm not sure why it makes me feel uneasy, but it does.

Although my problem is different from the OP's considering what I was feeling was more anxiety rather than OCD (I do have some OCD I think too).

As for counselors, therapists and doctors and such...I would probably just keep my mouth shut. I know I need help sometimes because there are some things my friends can't really help me with, but I don't feel comfortable with going to a professional. (And there is also the costs to worry about). Anyway, I put in my story and 2 cents.