[PeachCream22]

Honestly...I am a very competitive person, and I hate losing. That is one of my weak points I'm trying to change.

Right now, I just feel like a failure. I know, that I should be lucky, i have a loving family, I have all four limbs, I'm healthy. And I need to be grateful. But please, allow me to vent.

I can't afford to go to uni overseas, my parents suck, they don't even bother talking to me about my future, and just assume i'll be going to the local uni, which, by the way, doesn't even offer the course I'm interested in, and they just simply ask me to choose another one. Ok fine. I badly want to go overseas though, but I know that my parents are trying very hard, and they don't want me to go because it's too far and they'll be worried, so I guess I'm stuck here in my local town like, forever.

I just finished A lvls so now I'm waiting for the result, but these two years of A levels have been a hell of a journey. This had caused me to fail a lot even though I was trying my best. I was emotionally sick throughout because of roller coaster emotions due to my ex, which, by the way, is super smart and found someone else and is going to uni together overseas. You can imagine how I feel about that. Just jealousy and pain. Oh, I am so damaged.

And that's not all, because of what I've mentioned above, i can't stop crying everyday and I keep feeling depressed. I don't know what I can do anymore in life, and just thinking about what my A lvl results that will be awfulI hate everything and everyone. I just feel so powerless for my future, and I can't stop, it keeps kicking me in the face. I can't do this. I give up. My dreams are just crushed again and again and nobody is able to help. It hurts so much to feel so powerless and I can't do anything about it.

I'd really like an outlet for my feelings, i used to join the track and field and dancing in school (which was all free extra curricular activities and a great outlet), but now all that is over, and I'd love to have a hobby like learning how to play the piano. But who can afford piano lessons, eh?

FML. Just wanna sleep and somehow die of natural causes.

[Travelinglady]

I am so sorry things are not working out for you like you would like.

This occasion might be one of those times to take the "sweet lemon" approach. Yes, going to the local univ might be disappointing to you, but at least you CAN go to uni. But maybe your parents might be willing to compromise. Are there any schools in the country you live in anyway where you get the degree you want?

I am sorry about the boyfriend. I hope a better guy (or at least just as good) will come along at some point. Please don't allow your feelings to sabotage your plans.

Is there any way you could find some work to help out financially? Or maybe find some other free outlets?

Please don't give up. There is hope if you will keep your eyes open for other options and opportunities.

[PeachCream22]

Thank you so much for your reply. It is sensible, but I have thought about what you said before and made my own conclusions.

There are no other schools for me to study in which there are courses that I'm interested in. There are two other higher education institutions, but one is for polytechnic and another one engineering. The local uni that I might be going to (provided my results are good enough, which I doubt, and I apologise for being so pessimistic) has medicine, and since I want clinical psychology, perhaps i can do something close to it related to medicine, maybe specialising into neuroscience or psychiatry, things like that. Though it really sucks sometimes.

As for the boyfriend, I'm just trying to move on. It's very hard to move on. I just keep getting angry everytime I think about him, and then I try to say he's not worth it, and then I start thinking about him again. Just anger and disappointment all the time. Sometimes I THINK that I've gotten over him, esp when I listen to happy songs and go for a jog (it's free so..) all the endorphin just helps. But then the next day I'd get depressed again.

I do not think it is possible to work for a few months to pay for 4 years of degree studies, perhaps 60,000 bucks per year. So, probably not. I'm just being unrealistic if I keep sulking about going to uni overseas...

Thanks, I won't give up. Your reply meant a lot. But there really isn't much I can do about my situation. Perhaps things will get better for both emotion and academics once I complete my degree and go on for further studies, where there might be scholarships and I had enough time to forget about this ex of mine.