[Shriveled Muse]

For me, university starts 5 days from now and the first thing I do is an audition in front of 5 profs.

I'm so anxious that I feel the nervous energy even while I'm suppressing the usual emotions, not just for the audition, but the atmosphere of school in general. If I weren't suppressing, then I would definitely have panic attacks and the last thing I want is my family finding out about my instability.

I need to prepare for this audition, but I can't seem to focus or work at all. Everything is just piling up and I'm just getting more and more anxious every day. Furthermore, just thinking about school.... I don't know how I'll survive. Hearing the music that goes around constantly in the building will surely trigger the anxiety; I don't know if I'll be able to handle it, much less keep this mask on.

I've never dreaded school like this before.... I've never had something more to fear.... Especially when I'll have biweekly sessions when I'll be put on the spot in private and group lessons.... Any advice?

[Shriveled Muse]

Should I post this in the anxiety forum instead?

[dedicated]

Originally Posted by Shriveled Muse

For me, university starts 5 days from now and the first thing I do is an audition in front of 5 profs.

I'm so anxious that I feel the nervous energy even while I'm suppressing the usual emotions, not just for the audition, but the atmosphere of school in general. If I weren't suppressing, then I would definitely have panic attacks and the last thing I want is my family finding out about my instability.

I need to prepare for this audition, but I can't seem to focus or work at all. Everything is just piling up and I'm just getting more and more anxious every day. Furthermore, just thinking about school.... I don't know how I'll survive. Hearing the music that goes around constantly in the building will surely trigger the anxiety; I don't know if I'll be able to handle it, much less keep this mask on.

I've never dreaded school like this before.... I've never had something more to fear.... Especially when I'll have biweekly sessions when I'll be put on the spot in private and group lessons.... Any advice?

Try to listen to music more often to enable you be not bothered with that music in the building. Believe on yourself. Relax and have good sleep before the audition. Before you step on the audition room, take a deep breath and think of success brings you. When you are in the audition, have eye contact with the profs and express yourself positively. Don't be scared of failure, we won't succeed if we won't take risk. More power to you young lady!

[Little Lulu]

I don't have any advice, just personal experience. I always have to do the thing I am anxious about, despite how uncomfortable I am, and then the anxious feelings dissipate.

I do have a question though. You don't say what your major is but I wonder if it would be helpful to reassess your life plan. Maybe this isn't the right major for you? Just thinking out loud ...

Hiding your anxiety is not in your best interest. If you can't share it with your parents, at least find a friend or someone you trust to talk it out. Relief and sometimes insights come when we talk to wise people. Keeping it in just makes it seem bigger than it really is.

[Shriveled Muse]

Thank you so very much for your replies dedicated and Little Lulu! Your words mean a lot to me!

I will not run away from this, but mainly because it's something I can't avoid. ><"

I am a music performance major and I am fairly certain that I will not become a musician. I don't think I can stand it, but so that all that time and money won't be wasted away, I am currently planning on completing my bachelor's in 3 years then perhaps moving on into law. I don't have any passions at all in life nor does anything really interest me, but I'm sure that music is not something I can stand doing. The music in the building is the sound of people practicing and reminds of everything that I'm supposed to be but am not. It reminds me of the person that people wish me and imagine me to be for which I am disappointing them greatly.

I shared my anxiety with my sisters once but regretted it greatly. I shared it with my only close friend though and he shares similar problems. However I feel that I am annoying him by talking about my problems... Right now, I mostly write out my frustrations, fears and thoughts in a journal. Is writing an okay solution?

It seems that a lot of times that being a musician in real life and playing in real life and professional groups is so much less stressful and easier than playing in university groups that it's ridiculous. Of course, if you do choose to continue to pursue music professionally, likely you will also need a second or third job as well, so there's value in being able to do another job, whether in music or not. I would just not give up on playing professionally until you've experienced playing professionally in multiple groups.

I have and have had pretty bad anxiety and I'm getting my DMA now. Sure, I'm not a performance major anymore and that helps my anxiety a lot, but I've been involved in the university culture for several years now and it is so much more stressful than the real world that it isn't even funny. Especially undergrad…it seems to get easier for some reason in higher degrees. I guess because at that point you have the background knowledge you need to be successful, unlike in undergrad where it feels like you're constantly trying not to drown.

Writing can be a good solution, but make sure that writing isn't making you dwell unnecessarily on what's bothering you. Unfortunately, I can't say what's worked for me because it's probably against the rules here and it may backfire on other people (and possibly me someday).