College Essays

It's that time of year- college essays are going to be due in a matter of months. I'm hitting a wall with my personal essay. Everyone I talk to says that it's the one real chance a student has in their application to really set themselves apart from every other applicant; it's a chance to explain a story or an event or a passion that makes them unique. I've written two versions of my personal essay so far, both of which have been shot down by my college counselors.

The first one opened with a snapshot of my ideal future- getting a graduate degree in neuroscience and using my knowledge and research to deepen our understanding of psychological disorders- their origins and how to best treat their symptoms. I then went back in time to talk about my experience with medical professionals, residential treatment, struggling with stigmatism, etc. and how all of those experiences have provided me with a passion to help others, specifically as it pertains to mental health. The counselors didn't like this essay because it was TMI and they said it portrayed me as too much of an unstable individual and might make the college question my admittance.

The second essay was about my passion for swimming. I've swam competitively for over eight years now. I train 7 days a week. I practically live in the water. I talked about how swimming has taught me lessons in hard work, commitment, and goal setting. I talked about how I love the sport so much that even though I enjoy racing and competing and winning, I am just as happier (If not more) being the only one at a practice. The counselors didn't like this essay because I guess you aren't supposed to write about sports. It's too cliché. It's like an unspoken rule- never write a sports paper.

So as I sit back, my counselor looks at me and tells me to think of something that makes me who I am; that has shaped me into who I am today. I'm at a complete loss. These two things- my mental health and my passion for swimming- are the main things that make me who I am. The morals I live by, the goals I've set for myself, everything that I want to do in life... everything has been affected or inspired by either one. I don't really have anything else.

What am I supposed to write about if I'm not allowed to write about the two things that have been the most influential in my life? Am I the only one that feels like you have to lie about yourself or give some irrelevant thing some sort of deep meaning in order to get into a good college? I guess this is more of a vent than anything else. Anybody have any suggestions?

I wonder if you could not combine your two interests someway into one paper? Relate the discipline of competitive swimming to your interest in neuroscience and how much you look forward to studying it? I can totally see why swimming could lead to an interest in neuroscience. I agree with your counselors that you should leave out the 'TMI' part. For the purposes of a entrance essay, I think it is best left out. I believe you will do fine.

now I went to art school, so their essay expectations probably weren't all that high, but I wrote about my passion for toast. Seriously. I'm sure you can think of something to put your spin on.