[ajourneytothesun]

Hi everyone,

This semester has gone absolutely terrible. I have been suffering from depression for years but it has never been this impairing. It began last semester when it became harder and harder to get out of bed but at least I could still function some. However this semester a number of things have happened:

Possible trigger:

I attempted suicide 5 times (but my mom only knows about one), I've acquired a pain pill addiction (that I am fighting off successful so far)

, I became agoraphobic, and I have many more panic attacks.

I've been a self injurer for 7 years but I'm really starting to damage myself much more.

Possible trigger:

Also the last suicide attempt wasn't due to depression, it was because I kept hearing this voice telling me to harm this girl in my class and I was really afraid that the urge was going to take over me so tried to take my life

...I have these periodic delusions like thinking my hand is infected or that there are bugs under my skin and I feel like I'm starting to lose control of them which is scary.

Do you believe it would be advisable to take off a semester? Pretty sure I will end the semester with a less than 1.0 semester GPA and a 2.3 GPA total which means if I take a medical leave it will be converted to academic suspension. I don't want that to happen so I'm trying to work hard these last days to improve.

There's a part of me that says to keep going and take the next semester without a break and another that says to take a medical leave to improve my mental health in the long run.

[Mountainbard]

I'm sorry you're going through all this. You need to take care of yourself first, which means you need to get your mental health straight before you worry about more school. I hope you're seeing a mental health care professional. You need help in dealing with all this. Your university should have free counseling, which can lead to more help from a psychiatrist. I wish you the best of luck with this. Even if it's scary I urge you to seek out some help-- this is way too much to deal with alone.

[ajourneytothesun]

Thanks for your reply, Mountainbard. I've scheduled an appointment to see my GP to rule out any medical issues and to get a referral to a psychiatrist. According to my school's policy, if they believe that you will cause harm to yourself they can make you withdraw involuntarily so I've been avoiding the counseling there. I feel really nervous for this GP appointment.

[Mountainbard]

I can see why you would avoid counseling there. I understand their policy but I bet it deters other people from seeking help there too. I hope your visit with the GP goes well.

[TerriLynn]

I would suggest taking the time off to get yourself help. You need to be mentally healthy to be able to succeed and not burn out.

Good luck.

[avlady]

i think you should address your mental health issues before worrying about school. good luck

[DesigningWoman]

I know how tough it can be to get off the hamster wheel of education. At 19, I had to admit myself to a psych unit of a hospital in my college town. Even though it was painful and difficult, I had to save my life. No scholarship, class, school, GPA, test, or project is worth hurting yourself for, I promise. I know I kept thinking if i could just get one more thing done I would feel better. I never did. I just kept crawling along, working myself to exhaustion.
It's not worth it.
If you have to take time off for mental health reasons, there are some protections in place for you in higher ed. After you are feeling better, talk to the Dean of Students or whoever is higher up in your college or university. Individual profs and advisors usually can't help much in those circumstances. I know it's scary to go see a Dean or Associate Dean, but they are people who can help you. High up positions can make things happen for you. My first time through grad school I thought I was sunk. But I had my therapist write a letter to the Chairman of my Department requesting accommodation for me due to mental illness. I was granted accommodation and given an additional semester to work on my Thesis and take Comps. I say all of this for when you are feeling better. But i do say it so you will know that you don't have to make a choice between your education and your life.
Your education will be waiting when you get better. But life doesn't wait.
Take care of yourself now.

[spondiferous]

I went back to school finally a couple years ago. Then my sister died and I just stopped being able to function. I was honestly convinced that would be it for me, but I completed a part-time distance-based course and did really well in it. I know that for me, I can't function when I'm in distress. I have OCD and agoraphobia and together between the two, terrifying things happen when I'm having episodes/symptoms, including thinking/feeling/seeing/hearing things I might not otherwise experience, having violent intrusive thoughts, and then being too overwhelmed by anything to leave my house. I think you should honour yourself. It might seem like leaving school would set you back, but if it's going to set you back more to stay, you'd be better off taking the break now. But the truth of the matter is, it looks better in the long run anyway if you take care of yourself first. Besides, if you continue with school, and continue to suffer at the same time, your grades and performance may continue to suffer.
Hope you get it all figured out. It sounds like you're going through some scary stuff right now. I empathize and my heart goes out to you.

[DesigningWoman]

I absolutely agree spondiferous. I thought and was thoroughly indoctrinated that if i sacrificed everything for education that somehow my life would work out when I reached some far away goal. Now in my mid-30's, I am finally realizing just how wrong and dangerous that is. If I don't put myself and my health first, there won't be anything left to get grades with. It's the living that is important anyway.

I see this post was originally from Dec. 15. i hope you found some help and peace, ajourneytothesun

Originally Posted by spondiferous

I went back to school finally a couple years ago. Then my sister died and I just stopped being able to function. I was honestly convinced that would be it for me, but I completed a part-time distance-based course and did really well in it. I know that for me, I can't function when I'm in distress. I have OCD and agoraphobia and together between the two, terrifying things happen when I'm having episodes/symptoms, including thinking/feeling/seeing/hearing things I might not otherwise experience, having violent intrusive thoughts, and then being too overwhelmed by anything to leave my house. I think you should honour yourself. It might seem like leaving school would set you back, but if it's going to set you back more to stay, you'd be better off taking the break now. But the truth of the matter is, it looks better in the long run anyway if you take care of yourself first. Besides, if you continue with school, and continue to suffer at the same time, your grades and performance may continue to suffer.
Hope you get it all figured out. It sounds like you're going through some scary stuff right now. I empathize and my heart goes out to you.

a journey to the sun, i agree, take care of yourself first. why waste time, effort and money to do something if you fail and have to retake it? Take a break and take care of yourself first. take to an administrator and counselor and go from there. give yourself options to choose from, or even a break off for now. tc

[youngpunk]

Originally Posted by ajourneytothesun

Hi everyone,

This semester has gone absolutely terrible. I have been suffering from depression for years but it has never been this impairing. It began last semester when it became harder and harder to get out of bed but at least I could still function some. However this semester a number of things have happened:

Possible trigger:

I attempted suicide 5 times (but my mom only knows about one), I've acquired a pain pill addiction (that I am fighting off successful so far)

, I became agoraphobic, and I have many more panic attacks.

I've been a self injurer for 7 years but I'm really starting to damage myself much more.

Possible trigger:

Also the last suicide attempt wasn't due to depression, it was because I kept hearing this voice telling me to harm this girl in my class and I was really afraid that the urge was going to take over me so tried to take my life

...I have these periodic delusions like thinking my hand is infected or that there are bugs under my skin and I feel like I'm starting to lose control of them which is scary.

Do you believe it would be advisable to take off a semester? Pretty sure I will end the semester with a less than 1.0 semester GPA and a 2.3 GPA total which means if I take a medical leave it will be converted to academic suspension. I don't want that to happen so I'm trying to work hard these last days to improve.

There's a part of me that says to keep going and take the next semester without a break and another that says to take a medical leave to improve my mental health in the long run.

I've been in and out of school for a couple years and it's not getting any better.

[SingDanceRunLife]

I would take a semester off, get into therapy, get with a psychiatrist, and make a plan of action. I involuntarily took a semester off after I was diagnosed as bipolar, and even though I hated it, it helped me. I would've continued to spiral downward if I had tried to push through.

[tradika]

The likelihood of you finishing your degree in this unstable state is low. You will likely need to retake some courses later on. You are going to have to make some tough decisions as to whether or not it's feasible for you to continue until you have gotten your mental health condition stabilized. However, I think you need to make this decision rather than having random strangers on a forum make a life altering decision. It won't affect them, it's going to affect you.

I hope for your sake that you find adequate treatment and get to feeling better soon!

Maybe some folks on here have some suggestions on resources you can use to help get you stabilized.