[Wintery]

I know many people have this problem, but I feel like I'm the only one who is really afraid of it. I start this coming Monday, after taking last semester off. I'm in uni, and I'm scared for stupid reasons. I'm mostly scared because I always feel like school makes me go crazy, I can feel it in my mind, like I'm about to snap or cry or something.

I have trouble speaking. I have to do a group presentation in my classes and I'm scared of it. I'm also scared because every time I do a group thing everyone always leaves me out of it. And if they do include me in the conversation, I always cannot speak right so they shut me out again and think I'm stupid. I usually speak in one or two word answers, and then sometimes I don't even make sense. I cannot fit logic together, I'm very bad at it. I also have trouble speaking on the spot, out of routines, and I just cannot do it. I've escaped so far in my entire schooling, I’ve never spoken once in class, not even for a question, but I fear it's coming to an end.

I'm also scared cause I do not have any friends. I've been there four years and I haven't met anyone. I don't know whether I want them or not, because I've never had friends, but it sort of gets to me sometimes...like I think people are watching me and talking about me behind my back. I think they are because I'm sort of strange and not real. Sometimes I think they are reading my mind and it makes me upset.

I do have accommodations at school, just recently I've gotten them, but it's hard for me to request to use them cause I don't like asking the teacher or I'm afraid they'll say no or treat me badly.

[gayleggg]

Don't be afraid of using your accommodations. That's what they are for.

You've made it this far so you must be very resourceful.

Have you tried talking to a counselor? If not, then this might be a good time.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[lilacflame]

I'm in a similar position. I've got a few months left until I graduate but I'm tempted to drop out. I started off enjoying college but i had to leave temporarily to be admitted to hospital and since i came back my anxiety is through the roof. I think you're possibly afraid of being treated badly because of the stigma that still surrounds mental health.

[ChipperMonkey]

Are you in the USA?

[Wintery]

thank you for replying and suggestions. I'm not in the US.

I don't know if I'd say I was resourceful or just good at hiding. I've done many things to get out of speaking, I've failed in participation marks or dropped out at the last minute. I have lots of anxiety around speaking and doing public things.

I used to have a counselor at the school but they are gone now this semester and I've used up all my sessions, but they went way over the limit to help me so I'm grateful for that. I see a psychiatrist but soon I won't be cause it's a program that only lasts for a few years.

I feel so different from other people that I cannot relate to them at all. I feel somehow off, and I think other people can sense it too. I feel like a different species and that I'm not a 'real' person like other people. I don't even know what to do with my life after school, I have no plans and people reject me for jobs and volunteering cause of the way that I am. I know no one here can really help me, but I just wanted to write a bit so maybe things won't be so bad.

[alicetailor]

You should get involved in social groups and activities to gain more confidence.

[DesigningWoman]

I have had many years feeling strange, rejected, and alien in social situations in and out of school. I wish I could tell you how to never feel that way. If you ever find out, please let me know. I am very fortunate. A year and a half ago I got involved in an informal in person support group. It took a ton of courage for me to go. i didn't really say much for awhile.
However, I met my best friend there. In my whole life, I have never really had a best friend and rarely really had anyone i could call a friend. He also battles mental illness.
normally social interactions feel to me like I am an alien on the planet Earth. I know a bit of the language, just enough to be thoroughly confused.
But talking to my best friend and also the lady who ran the group is like conversing like someone from my home planet. Honestly, I didn't think it was possible after so many years of isolation and loneliness to truly connect with anyone else. But when I went in the hospital in December they were both right there. They visited me, went to the store and brought a bunch of clothes for me to wear, and lots of reading material.
So I guess what I am trying to say is although you may think you are always alone and rejected, there are also a lot of other people feeling that right now. I would guess a lot of people on this board for example. Even though you are busy with school and scared of groups, I would encourage you to seek out people who share something in common with you. Whether it be mental health, comic books or soccer, there is always someone who is passionate about something you are. Then you can focus on your shared interest and work into talking to people. For instance, I have gone to a lot of conventions for fans of tv shows and movies. For a long time, i never spoke to anyone. But over time, I realized that I had much in common. Frankly it took years of work to get the confidence to even starting smiling at other fans. But that common interest eventually provided me with social interactions and a testing ground to practice how to speak to people. Although i didn't make lasting friends, I learned to enjoy human company and find out the most everyone, if they are honest, feels scared, lonely, awkward, and isolated.

I hope this helps.

DW