[atlasBrah]

[Im not sure if this post even belongs here but im having some terrible (in my view) emotional problems particularly in relation to school and what i want to do in life. Im in year 11 and on the way to doing my mocks and theres constant conversation about which sixth form or college people want to go to ab=nd what they want to do. My dad thinks im capable of and expects straight 7-9 (A-A*) grades from me and expect me to go to one of the top end universities in the country, my computing teacher expects us all to get at least a level 7.

My main ambition is to be an animator and make cartoons (you know like Steven Universe) or to do commission work for clients (digital drawings). I have no interest in doing any academic subjects even when I had previously been interested in them and im at a loss of what to do for A levels.

On top of all that i have trouble coping with things and basically crumble and freeze up if someone shouts at me or i get overly frustrated, resulting in me becoming a dripping, crying mess, completely unable to speak up or respond if someone talks to me.

Over the summer holidays my mood took a huge drop to the point that i didn't care if i didn't wake up the next day or if I ended up on the streets. I had even considered running away from home and i feel bad saying it but, a couple thoughts of whether it was better if i didn't exist crossed my mind. In general i was ready to give up.

I just started School yesterday and the talk of my future really didn't sit well with me because i feel like things i want to do will be interpreted by my dad as setting myself up for failure and his occasional reminders that if you don't do well in school you'll probably end up cleaning toilets doesn't help.

Im worries about my state right now because my parents are worried too, my dad says that he looks at me and the way i cope and sees someone who is intelligent IQ wise, but is regressing EQ wise, in that the way i handle my emotions is falling apart. My mum briefly took a psychology course and we were talking about options today and i started crying and shutting down and she noticed and said that basically she is very worried about me and thinks she may need to get a psychiatrist for me because she doesn't feel she can help me. Even as i wrote this i broke down into tears 3 separate times.

Does anyone have the faintest idea of whats going on?

[Coralie69]

@atlasBrah

First I want to say that I normally write on the French psychology forums but I felt like I needed to get in touch with other people's cultures and how they deal with their problems in other parts of the world

At one point in my life I worked as a French Language Assistant in a rather good Sixth Form College of the UK - they are specialised in Art (Queen Elizabeth Sixth Form College in Darlington, near Newcastle). It is located in the North East but I can assure you that you will receive a very warm welcome there and such a positive and strong encouragement. We all worked very hard for our students to reach the toppest grades and enter the best universities they could.

I remember talking with the students about what they had planned to do after college and how they figured out their future. Some of them knew exactly what they wanted to do, they had planned everything very precisely, etc. of course a lot of them were worried about the high tuition fees of university but at least they had all made up their mind and all wanted to continue to study.

You are under the pressure of your dad right now. He should understand that you are young and that at your age the brain is "changing" all the time, moving, receiving all types of informations, releasing chemical answers, etc. You need to understand that it is a normal process that can be either exacerbated - or inhibitated. You won't reach a total inhibition and that's not what we want because of course you want to stay in touch with the world and continue to feel what is going on. But sometimes we all need to relax.

How to do that ? The brain is composed of some sort of "tracks", the more you use a track the more it becomes like a motorway making it harder for you to react differently to a specific situation. The problem is that at one point the "track" can start "bleeding". It is a sort of wound that you cause to yourself in going over a difficult tension again and again. So it is like a plaster you need to put onto that wound. Some people need medication to help them in relieving the tension, but if you understand how it all works you can do that job by yourself. The question is how to create such a "mental plaster".

- First, stop scratching your wound: avoid crying. It literally digs into your wound and exacerbates your emotional difficulties.
- Second, avoid all sorts of difficult discussions with your parents for one week. Make sure you are not asked anything that can hurt.
- Third, force yourself to adopt (even if it is at first artificial) a new way to react to the remarks of your father. You won't change him so change your reactions. You want to stop suffering.

We talked about the exacerbation of certain "tracks" in the brain but there is also another major element to take into account: stress inhibates the production of serotonin in the brain. Serotonin is what makes you happy, what makes you want to get up in the morning. And certainely your level of serotonin is very low right now. You can feel it when you are getting touchy about little things, when you can't cope with daily things to do.

There are ways to raise naturally the level of serotonin (if you can't do that there are anti-depressant medication that do that for you) :
- Avoid stress (!) for some days, like we said, stop the difficult conversations for one week at least.
- Be good to yourself. Listen to music you love, take your time...
- Don't write on your telephone at night while in bed - that light is not good for your eyes
- Eat well (some say it is good to eat chocolate!)
And you'll see for yourself once you start recovering, there are many other ways to get better again.

Don't hesitate to come back to me if you've got questions (excuse my English if there are mistakes in my message!) - and have a look at the Queen Elizabeth Sixth Form College, that may be actually a very good project that would link your ambitions and your father's for you.

Best wishes, let me know!
Coralie

[atlasBrah]

Update: i had an unprovoked emotional outburst at school and it caused me to miss the last lesson, two teachers think I need counselling now