[Fresia]

It is two weeks until I take a higher certification exam. As it gets closer, the stress is causing me to want to sleep more as I am depressed. I am concerned about knowing the material as I feel like I am reading the same notes over and over again and not remember any of them, which is making the stress worse. I am way behind and add to it the concern that my blood pressure medication has been adjusted, increased, as a result since my numbers have gone up as have my AD's to help cope with the depression to somewhat function.

Realistically I know failure isn't fatal if I don't pass; I will still have my job; and life will be the same. I guess that is my worry, that I am barely making ends meet and my housing situation is precarious. The raise that would come from it would be peace of mind to not struggle so.

What bothers me more is that this is my Dad's wish to see me do this before he goes. He is on hospice. I know I need to do this for myself and am because I do really want this for myself to know I can for the accomplishment but also for him too. He has been such a support through everything. It surprised me on one hand when he asked for this but seems like a simple thing to do on one hand and monumental on the other. I know he wants peace of mind for me too, bless him.

The mixed emotions are killing my motivation and have to find a way to de-stress, to know this will be ok. It will be ok no matter how this comes out ?!

[DoroMona]

Maybe you can try some exercise in the early part of the day, to vent some of the stress, and some meditation later to quiet your mind? But maybe you're too stressed to develop such habits right now. What about a thirty minute walk somewhere in nature each day?

Make a list of the topics you need to know? Making lists always calms me down because it gives me a feeling of control. Two weeks is still a long time. Make yourself some kind of timeline for your studies. If you have good notes, then someone should be able to quiz you out of them directly. Involving someone else often helps motivation.

Study right before bedtime (and don't sabatogue by drinking alcohol between studying and sleeping)--I have seen lots of studies that show that is a practice which will help you excel on your tests:

https://news.nd.edu/news/learning-be...w-study-shows/

If you get really tired; take a nap--you can always set your alarm if the nap is in the middle of the day and take a "micronap". A micronap is when you set the alarm on your phone so you only sleep 15-20 minutes--anecdotely I have read about lots of CEOs, people who are working on projects day and night, etc. taking naps but only sleeping 3-6 hours a night.....

Also, do some of your studying in a calming place like on a porch overlooking a beautiful yard, under an umbrella at the beach, etc and maybe that will be calming.....

[Fresia]

So I was able to change my work schedule to the mornings and on 4 days, working 6 hours and only 8 hours the other days so I can study consistently in the afternoon and evening, with more time for breaks and getting to bed right after studying then. If I had more PTO between now and then, I would change more days, but it is all I have. They grumbled at me but I know I need this right now.

I'd forgotten about the importance of breaks, which would make it easier to get through some of the material. Perhaps it will help to keep me from reading the material and going "blah, blah, blah, whatever." That's how bad it has gotten for when I even can get myself to do it. The breaks will be something to look forward to at this point.

I did not know that about the naps or studying before sleep. I will have more time to implement that in these remaining days. Hopefully it is a matter of better late than never.

Thanks for the suggestions and voices of reason! I actually could not see past the rut or outside of the cycle I had gotten myself into.

[Fresia]

I passed.

To celebrate: I slept all the rest of the day and night until I had to go to work.

Unfortunately that's all I still want to do is sleep. I feel like I've run a marathon. I knew I was stressed but not how bad it was until my muscles felt like jello as the tension began to leave and were actually sore. I think it is going to take some more time to recover.

But I passed.

[Talthybius]

Congrats!

You are aware that sleeping too much contributes to depression? Right? I understand this is the way you feel relief. But can you not turn this isnto more positive energy and take on more challenges successfully? You were doubtful, hard on yourself, and now that you proved to yourself you can succeed in doing these things, from your words it doesn't seem to have moved you forward.

[Fresia]

I can't muster any energy to show that I am happy about passing, don't feel well. I might think it was depression or stress if it weren't for that I have a bunch of symptoms now over time including unexplained bruising and vomiting besides the fatigue so that I know something is definitely wrong.

I finally got into the doctor. My labs are way off including that my white cell count is through the roof and platelets are non-existent. I am sick it turns out is why I feel so lousy. I am being referred to a specialist and for more testing meanwhile. So it turns out it wasn't just stress killing my motivation to study, illness was, go figure. .

Meanwhile, celebrating with friends and family will have to wait. At least the stress of the exam is gone; I know deep down that I did it, and am I am jumping for joy and doing a happy dance inside even if that is not possible right now.