OMG, I think I've gone insane

So, many developments have happened in the past few months, and a project I've been wanting to do, but not sure how I would ever do it, has suddenly had a whole bunch of doors and a pathway to completion open up. The right people have presented themselves, the right opportunities, and I feel like I'm being "called" by a higher power to do this thing.

So I am applying to a PhD program so I can conduct this research, possibly make huge advancements in my current field, and hopefully create a lucrative career.

Problem is, I am applying for a PhD in a field that I didn't get my BA or MFA in. But I have worked in the field doing testing and evaluation for 14 years. I'm applying to a pretty competitive program, but I think what I'm proposing in terms of research, and the practical applications would be very attractive to the Uni, and it's application in my related fields.

But now, 15 years after I've finished my MFA, I now have to go through this process of applying for a university again, filling out financial aid forms, getting letters of recommendation, doing pre-reqs, and I am faced with the fact that this will be the next 6, possibly longer, years of my life. That's the scariest thing, is that it's SIX years of my life. I will be 43 when I finish (I hope). When am I going to have kids? All that jazz?

Yeah, so, I'm excited and scared and unsure all at the same time. Also, I am wondering if I should apply to more than one program, but everything sort of relies on relationships I have at this university, so, I dunno...Have to think about that. They don't have this particular degree program everywhere.

Seesaw

1. They are VERY cool about people having kids nowadays.

2. Hopefully you will be able to place out of prereqs with your life experience.

3. Good luck, dude! You have an MFA, that probably counts for more than you realize.

Actually, I think I need the pre-reqs, and having read the descriptions, I'm totally excited about taking them...like, um Semantics...I know people who hate semantics, but I would die of joy over a course in semantics. Yes, I'm that much of a nerd.

Seesaw

This is an important decision, Seesaw. Here are my initial, yet very brief, thoughts.

Have you considered talking to the current PhD students (and the alumni) of the program to which you will be applying? This can help you have a understanding of the program's demands, expectations, etc. This may also help you figure out the financial aspects as well (should you want to earn extra income while pursuing your studies). Meaning, will you need to earn extra income or will the financial aid be adequate for you to live alone and care for your other financial needs?

Also, there are people who are having children while studying their PhD. It seems doable but again everyone has different limitations and support system. I guess this is something to be addressed when you actually meet someone and decide to have children. We cannot speculate now, because we don't know what is waiting around the corner as far as your personal life.

I guess what I am trying to say is the following: if you can figure out the financial aspect of it, then go for it. The reason why I am mentioning this is because it is much harder to live on a strict budget once you are older (and you already know that) and being a student usually limits once's ability to earn money.

I think academia is a wonderful platform and since i am a huge nerd, I do understand (and identify) your desire to go back to learning and research. I sincerely hope you can find a way to achieve this goal. You know where to find me, should you need to brain storm more.

The best advice I received before starting my Ph.D. was to not think of the 6ish years as a life pause button where u perceive your real life as only starting after graduation, but to instead realize that you are living your real life during those 6ish years. It may sound silly or obvious, but in hindsight it highlighted an amazingly significant perspective.

I'm not super concerned financially. I can continue to consult and work my schedule around it and would only need financial aid for tuition, if that.

You should get a lot out of the journey and experience of moving towards a PhD. Not just 4 years of struggle with then finally a reward. Of course, there will be struggles during a PhD and at the end it is not uncommon to start hating your PhD and being relieved it is done. But before you start doing a PhD, for sure you should look forward to doing the research.

And it is both the research itself, as well as being in an academic environment with all the social aspects that come with it, that should be appealing to you now. I don't know if a fine arts (but you say that's not going to be your field) PhD will be very different from the environment I am used to in fundamental sciences. I guess it can be quite different, more office work and more independence rather than a tightly knitted lab environment.

You shouldn't feel that stressed about opportunities opening up. Or maybe you mean stress in a positive way? Because you also say you are excited. The 'higher calling' thing, you should think a bit more about. It is easy to romanticize a PhD or the work of a scientist.

You should get kids during your PhD, if you can. That's what I hope to do. I will finish my MSc at 36. Start PhD, finish at 39ish. I told my fellow students I can envision myself getting a PhD, getting kids, and becoming a houseman to support my brilliant wife going for full academic career professorship. They laughed hard. And they don't know about my struggles. I hope they found it ridiculous because they cannot see me backing away from academics to take care of my kids. Not that they don't see me not being single.

Good luck!

This is what I've been thinking over the past few days. Thank you for the suggestions. I'm pretty set, I wouldn't actually start until Fall 2019, so I've got time to continue building my mental stamina up, but all good suggestions.

Definitely apply to more than one program. In my field, the acceptance rates for top PhD programs are 1-5%. The program I graduated from admitted 4 students this past year, out of a pool of about 200. It’s extremely competitive, so I recommend having reach programs and back-up programs. Especially without an MA in the field you want the PhD in, you’ll be at a bit of a disadvantage so I recommend giving yourself options. Since you are looking to start in Fall 2019, you have a lot of time left to do more research on compatible programs.

Well, very few people have an MA in this field. People typically come from outside fields into this field. I've also worked in the field for 14 years, and I have an MFA in another field. I will look at other programs though. But this kind of only all works if I can get into this one program, because of the nature of how all the moving parts work. However, I think, based on my collaborators, that I have a very good shot at getting accepted.

Thank you for your feedback.

Seesaw

(((((( seesaw ))))))

I haven't a lot to add. It's all a lot to consider. I admire you for going after what you want! Wanted to leave a hug!


WC

I'm too a similar problem, at job it is a lot of tasks, at university it is necessary to finish the diploma, then individual project on creation of a site, I have no time and I do not have feeling of high-grade, I because of it constantly think of that that I did not do, and from this I rave.