People just DON'T understand sometimes...

Well, in American Literature today we were talking about Emily Dickinson (we are going to read her's and Walt Whitman's poetry the next couple of weeks)

Well, as typical of him, my teacher decides to dish out the details on the lives of these authors. So a lot of what he was talking about with Dickinson involved her isolation from contact with everyone except for writing letters, how she lived with her parents even after they died, etc. (It is because of this that many people believe that she was agoraphobic)

Of course...there are a few girls in my class. I know technically they are very intelligent girls but they always give me the impression of being really ignorant airheads. Their responses were "Oh my god that would be so boring. I could not live like that" and "She needs to get over herself" and after he said about how she lived in the parent's house even after they died they joked about how it's smell since she probably wont even go outside to bury them.

Well, my friend and I in class were pretty offended by their opinions...I mean, I know she's been dead for over a century but their inability to empathize was astounding. I just told them that in order to understand her you would have to be in that mindset. Of course nobody else but me could empathize it seems . My friend went the mocking route of saying "Oh yes, how DARE she not get over her fear of people" and was pretty mad at them.

I mean, are people really that thick? It doesn't seem like that hard of a concept to understand. It's like in 9th grade when we were reading Romeo and Juliet I had to explain in great detail about why someone would want to commit suicide and how it's not that they were only thinking of themselves but that they felt everyone else around them deserved better. (which of course lead to a brief rumor that I was suicidal...)

...Or maybe because my friend and I have some mental health problems that it makes it easier to empathize and therefore become outraged at the blatant ignorance of others?

well i think you said it pretty well...ignorance, self absorbtion, a lack of empathy ..all those and much more. i am amazed at the insensitivity of others sometimes. perhaps, just perhaps, it was a little scary to some of those classmates of yours...like maybe they have thought the same thoughts but are afraid to admit it to themselves.
those of us that have mental health conditions do have more understanding of the suffering of others for the most part i believe because we do live the challenges of our conditions daily.

I don't know, these girls seemed pretty genuine in their remarks.
Maybe they're just immature to. In some respects, they are more mature then I am when it comes to things like relationships and responsibility. But in cases such as this it's glaringly obvious about their lack of respect for what they cannot understand.

My friend in said class, I have the utmost respect for, she pretty much pays the bills (this is not an exageration, she really does help pay bills and buys groceries and stuff) by selling her comics in school. Even though she hates pretty much everybody, once you get to know her she is a really nice person and not to mention talented (errr...I know that was a tangent)

Oh wow, kaika...I would so hate that as well. I'm with you on this one. It really hurts to think people would think emily dickinson needed to get over herself. You're right, they need to be in the mindset to understand...people are so closed minded...Wow...this really frustrates me now...where do we fit in...how insensitive

Dickinson has always been one of my favorite poets, I remember having one of her books of poetry as a kid (of course these were her happy poems because the book was meant for kids) now that I'm older and read her dark stuff I like her even more to be honest.

It's pretty easy for me to understand because there have been plenty of times in my life where I've wanted to isolate myself like that, in the sense of no physical contact with someone, but writing to other people all of the time. (*cough*forums*cough*) I can see myself in her because I share her eccentricities, just not as severely.

As for my friend? Well I can't get into her head, but I know she has little to no tolerance for that kind of stuff to begin with.

She gave me a picture of Dickinson looking sad with the caption: "Emily Dickinson: Socially unacceptable even in modern times." it's pretty sad but it's also kind of true.

I felt a Funeral, in my Brain
by: Emily Dickinson
I felt a Funeral, in my Brain,
And Mourners to and fro
Kept treading – treading – till it seemed
That Sense was breaking through –

And when they all were seated,
A Service, like a Drum –
Kept beating – beating – till I thought
My Mind was going numb –

And then I heard them lift a Box
And creak across my Soul
With those same Boots of Lead, again,
Then Space – began to toll,

As all the Heavens were a Bell,
And Being, but an Ear,
And I, and Silence, some strange Race
Wrecked, solitary, here –

And then a Plank in Reason, broke,
And I dropped down, and down –
And hit a World, at every plunge,
And Finished knowing – then –

I believe it all comes down to a degree of awareness. More mature people (not necessarily older people) just seem to be so much more aware and caring. Awareness and empathy with others goes a long way in helping us understand each other. Unfortunately some people have a lot of growing up to do.

Emily Dickinson's work is still around today because of people like you who can appreciate and understand her situation.

There are some people who are shallow....they start off that way & end up that way.....never growing up to feel anything other than their own shallow surroundings (I married one like that).

I never had mental health issues until I was 42 years old.....but growing up, I was always able to put myself into the feelings that were being expressed, or the feelings of someone who was explained to me (such as Emily Dickenson) with their eccentric behaviors. I was always interested in other feelings & trying to understand why people felt the way they did, always trying to understand the deeper why's.......but I have found in lifetime that there are very few people who care to understand anything outside of themselves.

You are blessed to have that deeper understanding at your age....as it will get you much farther in life having that understanding & acceptance of other peoples ways & feelings that are different than your & what others consider different than the ordinary.

You are on the right track & you will my a much more understanding, caring person the rest of your life than those others ever will allow themselves to be.

Be proud of who & what you are,
Debbie

They are only young life has not touched them yet they need to mature then SOME of them will understand.

I went to your friend's website, and you're right, she is very talented!!!

I, too, had a friend in high school, that saw the deeper, underlying issues and also paid her way for everythingawww

We are still friends, 23 years later!!

May this precious friendship grow and bloom in the midst of the weeds and superficiality of high school!

Let us hear about a 23 year friendship here at PC in 23 years awww

GO FRIENDSHIP! GO FRIENDSHIP!

(((kiaka))) my favorite poet is edna st. vincent millay. she had a major heartbreak and became a recluse. my favorite quote of hers is "life goes on, i forget just why."
at one time in my life when bpd and depression were overpowering my existence i could totally understand why she wrote this. i believe some of our greatest writers have gained acknowledgement because they write about how they feel. no fru-fru, just life as they view it.

I'm truly saddened that the professor did not present his subject matter with the passion that it so justly deserves! The teacher sets and preserves the tone of respect in the classroom.

Kaika, you and your friend are a cut above!

notz

It doesn't sound like your classmates are very clever at all. I always really enjoyed knowing the background of authors. Most of the greats over came so much and still were able to create such master pieces! If they're unable to see the big picture it's their loss. But rest assured, they will learn these life lessons one way or another. No one escapes tragedy.

I've always concidered myself a pretty compassionate, empathetic person but even I've had my moments. Several years ago our accountant lost his mother to a long battle with cancer during tax season. He really screwed up our taxes and it ended up costing us a lot of money. We didn't know that at the time, at the time I was just frustrated because he was late completing them, that he lost some of our records etc. At the time I made the comment "I'm sorry he's lost his mother, but he's a middle aged man for crying out loud! If he's not able to do his job, he shouldn't have accepted it!"

Then my father died. Until that happened I did not realize how lost you could be as an adult, how much you still depended upon your parents. A year after that, we got the notification from the IRS about the mistakes made in that return along with a HUGE bill with interest and penalties. Now don't get me wrong, I was furious! But I looked at it from a different angle. I now understood what he was going through. I was angry at the situation not him. He did the best he could do, and even though he cost us thousands of extra dollars I was able to fully understand how this could happen. And deep down I wonder how much of this was punishment for my lack of adequate compassion at the time.

I agree with madisgram, you did say it pretty well.

Well, of course we were reading her poetry today
And they really didn't like her poetry
I guess it was too morbid for them
They said they would probably like her poetry more if they didn't know she was a hermit and stuff. I guess they just think she is super creepy.

It's just
So
Frustrating

Hi Kaika,

When ever I read your posts I imagine this much older person typing than a 17 year old .
Emily is one of my favorites

I'm drawn to the poets who are real wordsmiths , She knows her craft. Shes gifted . So sad her poems were not published untill 4 years after her death..

I don't know very much about her . I did read this poem last week and knew imediately she may have tried to take her life twice.
Oh to have her heart eyes and mind .

My life closed twice before its close [cc]

• MY life closed twice before its close-- It yet remains to see If Immortality unveil A third event to me
  So huge, so hopeless to conceive As these that twice befell. Parting is all we know of heaven, And all we need of hell.
  Emily Dickinson (1880's-)

the best one can do is point out the richness , the craft womanship. she possesed. Hopefully your professor will focus on that .

What a gift and reward it is to enter into another' s rhyme and reason.

I see a scholar in a boat in your near future . oOoOooooH....

Patricia

I just wanted to throw my two cents in, lol.

I completely understand what you're saying about people not understanding others, and that these girls in your class we're being completely insensitive and rude. And that the professor did nothing to make the situation any better.

Now, that said. I am not a fan of Emily Dickinson. I've always found her poetry trite and insipid. I also find that a lot of her poetry is about sex and god, and since she was alone, it was really about "self-love" and god, and the experience of the two together (AKA, God as her lover). That actually happens a lot with recluse women writers, and I've never really cared much for them either, lol.

But anyways, I didn't want to bash anyone's views of Emily Dickinson. I completely respect all of you and her. (To some degree, I mean, I have to acknowledge that she has been published for such a long amount of time that she must have some worth as a writer. She's simply not my style). But I did want to throw out my own opinions about her. I'm an English major and love talking about anything Literature-y, good or bad.

Hope no one minded!
Ro

people are dense by nature.

ive just got to the point where, instead of thinking that these people are stupid, thinking that us lot who can empathise must have something that they dont have, and that were intelligent emotionally.

because there seems to be the majority who just dont GET it.

empathy is in short supply, just like common sense. bloody annoying i know. its like, for example:

my friend vicki and i are close. because, i get her, and she gets me. we just KNOW when somethings wrong. but thats because we put ourselves in each others positions. noone else notices. she is always putting on a smile, to make believe shes ok, cuz its easier. but i seem to be the only person who notices, cept beav i spose but he thinks shes a little odd and doesnt know what to do with her. theyre perfectly civil but just clash kinda. yesterday, i asked her how she was. she said 'ill be ok' cheery voice as usual, and i called her a liar. cuz she wasnt. she said she was gonna be ok cuz she had a plan, and it was a fantastic plan.

now this intrigued me because had it been a plan i approved of she wouldnt have resisted telling me so much. so, me being me, i prodded her till she gave me a vague idea. she eventually said, she was planning on moving in with sunshine and her mummy.

now. firstly, her 'mummy,' that she was referring to isnt her real mum, its her aunt. who died a while ago in a horseriding accident.

sunshine, was her friend with a psychotic disorder of some kind, she comitted suicide last year.

now, many people know about sunshine, and quite a few people know about her aunt, but..... how they didnt match that up is crazy? isnt it? are they dense? anyone else would have left it at, 'ill be fine,' or 'i have a fantastic plan.'
her friends dont seem to have a clue... but i do, i dont get it. not at all.

(incedentally, we... had a chat. i told her i wasnt letting her go, because i'd miss her. the funniest bit was there were others around, and they didnt notice anything was wrong. i was even crying.)

it did make me lol tho, cuz i was hugging her. lots. and all of the idiots who are nearby our corner were calling us lesbians. ignorance to the extreme.

sorry i kinda waffled.