[Christina86]

Is that I'm in university.

Have been for five years now.

Have learning disabilities, mental disorders and a physical disability. Oh, and my memory isn't the greatest.

I wasn't ever expected to achieve anything by my teachers. They didn't think I'd survive high school, then graduate from highschool, then get accepted into university... let alone graduate.

Which is my current worry.

I started off in a 4 year degree (BA Honours) in Psychology with a minor in English.
Then I dropped the minor.
Then I decided to pick up a religion minor.
Then I dropped that minor too.
Then I had to drop down to a 3 year degree (BA General) in Psychology, with no minor.

I feel dumb and foolish.

My study ethic is poor. My procrastination is bad. Learning takes a long time for me... and I wonder if it's because of the fact I'm in university.

But I don't know if I can go to college. I don't know what I would take.

I mean, I'm *supposed* to graduate in June 2009 (this year!). But I flunked all three classes last semester because of stress because I was assaulted in November. This semester, I dropped down to two classes (from three) because of the workload. I skipped almost an entire months worth of classes. ALL OF THEM. For no other reason than I was very depressed, couldn't concentrate and one of the classes is "Women & Literature" and talks about violence against women a LOT. It was too triggering and stressing me out too badly to go to class! If I don't pass these two classes, I'm going to not be able to graduate come June, unless I get permission to take a credit May-June and pass it successfully.

I'm so dumb. Right now I'm procrastinating from doing research for an assignment on Christianity in India (for my Hinduism class). The prof is letting me write on what I want in the context of the class, because he was my prof last semester when I flunked. So he knows I'm struggling.

But honestly, I'm on antidepressants. I'm in therapy. I've got academic accomodations for my disability... what reason do I possibly have for sucking so much academically??

Maybe I'm just looking to complain. Maybe someone understands? Maybe someone has advice?

[Rapunzel]

Christina,

You're not dumb. You have acheived much more than anyone thought that you would, given the disabilities that you were born with and the things that have happend in your life. Everything that you have already acheived proves that you are an exceptional and resourceful person, with tremendous potential.

What do you want to do with the rest of your life, after university? Your plans for the future need to guide what you decide to do now. If you want to go to graduate school, you would probably have more options if you took another year and did more work at university, even if you take some time off in between. There are other options available with a bachelor's degree. I don't know if your university tells you about what you can do at the bachelor's level. Mine didn't. And you can go to graduate school after getting some work/life experience, if you decide to.

You might remember that I haven't had a smooth path either, and I didn't have the disabilities and trauma that you have. I gave up on academics and career right when I should have graduated, and didn't look back for 13 years. Then I took a fifth year, and as you know I have just finished my master's degree. But I felt like a failure, with not potential, for a very long time.

The point is that you do have options, and all isn't lost. It will be hard, but you can do it. What is most important to you? Stay focused on that. You can get through the rest.

You aren't the only one to go through college with a disability. People have different paces and have to do what they can. I was an assistant for a lady at my undergraduate college, who had cerebral palsy, and used a motorized wheelchair. She was only able to take one class at a time, and didn't always pass, and had been in college for 17 years or so, but she kept going.

[Taonuviel]

I can relate.
Let's see... I might graduate with a BA by the end of summer, should by the end of this year, which makes it 7 - 7 1/2 years since I graduated high school. Well, that's the plan so long as another roadblock doesn't hit!
I've also switched around goals all over the place... youth ministry, social work, then I had to drop out for a year since I was suicidal, then went to a community college with no idea what to do and took whatever interested me. Then I found out about liberal studies, which lets students combine areas to make a unique program, so I entered with plans for a degree in languages, then changed it to what it is now - language and culture revitalization/preservation. Messed around with minors some too, I don't even remember what the others were, but I finally settled on anthropology. And this week I figured out what my next plans are - MSW/MPA dual program. LOL, you've at least been consistent!
I've also had to get accommodations. I've had extensions, incompletes and medical withdrawals multiple times. Have had to be hospitalized while in semesters. Have had to limit myself and get some accommodations for physical activity due to my back injury. And after ECT I've lost much memory ability and further damage resulting in new learning difficulties.

So... as one who is also struggling through school at a much slower and windy pace than she would like... I want to encourage you to accept whatever you're able to do as good. You have acheived a lot to get this far, so much more than any average student. Let yourself go at the pace you need, there's nothing wrong or foolish about that. And changing around degrees is totally fine too, it's really very common, just part of learning more about who you are and what you really want to do.

[Christina86]

(((((((((((Rapunzel & Taonuviel)))))))))))))

Thank you both. I guess I'm just discouraged. I see everyone else graduating with honours degrees and my family keeps expecting me to pursue education further and to keep doing more and more and more... and I don't know what I even want to do in the future anymore for a career.

I wanted to do elementary school. Teacher's college is hard to get into though. My mom's a teacher, and she says right now is not a good time to get a BEd because there's too many qualified people out there and not enough jobs.

I had thought of (religious) ministry. But that's gone out the window as a possibility to become a minister with my change of religious denomination. Oh, and I wasn't ever sure about it either.

I could become a counsellor. But people tell me that I'm too codependent and I know I get too stressed out dealing with other peoples problems.

I could become a pastoral counsellor. So combining faith and counselling... it's possible, but see my above problems currently with the thought of becoming a counsellor!

I could do something in the realm of theology. It interests me, but what the heck is out there?? It would also require me to complete an MA at least... and I don't know if I'd survive it.

My family is pushing me to find a "financially stable" job that will provide for me. But their thoughts on that are working for the government at some desk job (not my idea of fun) or working in human resources somewhere (which is a possibility).

I just want a job where I'll be helping people. That is what I'm good at. I'm good at connecting with others.

I don't know what my options are if I'm struggling in my undergrad, and lots of my options involve a postgraduate degree (MA).

I wish I knew what I could do with a 3 year degree Rap... I'm not sure. Probably nothing. Maybe a 4 year degree would help?

I could go to college and get a diploma in Business with a concentration in Human Resources to make my family happy. I could go get my Early Childhood diploma so I could work with preschoolers. But that's not my idea of "fun" although kids are cute!

[Taonuviel]

Hmmm... what about taking some time out of the classroom and trying some things out? I don't know what's available in Canada... here there's programs like Peace Corps or Americorps which are expense-paid volunteer programs, they give good experience and look great on resumes, too. Or maybe you could find an internship. Or take some courses that interest you even if they're not in your degree, and find out what you care most about, see if you can combine some of this stuff - that's what I did, just had to let myself be patient with myself and with whatever rate of progress I was making.

[Christina86]

My university does offer co-op... just not for my program. I can't leave university because I'm covered by two insurance plans (my parents) that only cover me as long as I'm a student. Since I'm disabled to boot - I really need to be covered by insurance.

Maybe I'm just not cut out for university... I could always look at college I suppose.

[Taonuviel]

Programs like the -corps ones I mentioned provide insurance while you're with them. Depending on what you looked into there might be options.

But I don't know anything about this college-university difference... in the US the only difference is size.

[Christina86]

The difference in Canada is:

College is a 1-2 year program - smaller class sizes, more hands-on work and you get a diploma at the end

University is (at the undergraduate level) a 3-4 year program - larger class sizes, and when you graduate you get a degree (B.A.) Then you can go on and get your Masters (MA) or Doctorate (PhD)

[Rapunzel]

Thanks for explaining that difference. It makes sense. Here, there are junior colleges and community colleges which are smaller and usually offer a 2-year Associates Degree, which usually can transfer and count towards the first two years at a larger university. We're just more lax about the terms and can use "college" and "university" interchangeably at times. Although many universities might take offense when we do.

Is it an option for you to transfer to a college? It seems like you probably already have enough more than enough credits for a two-year degree. What would your options be if you went for a college diploma? Would it fit with your goals?

I do understand the importance of insurance. It's frustrating that keeping insurance commands so much priority though. I hope that there is room for you to choose what you want to do with your life, and make that the highest priority. Even if it takes you a bit longer to get there, keep holding on to your dreams. You really can do it.