I've been thinking a lot about all the things xT had said to me... the one that is sticking in my mind was when he said with teary eyes (paraphased due to memory)"I know you just want to matter to somebody".... well I had a revelation today... I've been spending all this time trying to "matter to somebody" ... trying to figure out what is "wrong" with me that I don't deserve to matter.... I've been stuck...

today I realized that "I" may not matter but what I "do" matters... the care and feeding of my children, the running of my household, my full time job, providing an "outlet" for my recovering porn addict husband... those things matter...

So I better get out of my head and back to work "doing" things that matter. So my goal is to only "do" things that fit in those categories until I catch up on my messy disorganized house...

So far today, I drove my son to track practice, worked at job for 2 hrs, took son on driving lesson, cooked lunch, did dishes, and washed and folded 3 loads of laundry. Now I'm trying to decide..balance checkbook, clean bathrooms or rake the yard?

[H3rmit]

Mothering can be a thankless task. Does no one appreciate you?

I know mothering is a thankless job. I don't expect my children to be appreciative. Thats usually something that happens naturally after they have their own children and realize how tough it is.

I don't even make the radar of my H's world. Well I mean other than when he wants me to... anyway... it is how it is...

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I don't even make the radar of my H's world. Well I mean other than when he wants me to... anyway... it is how it is...

Oh, I see what you mean. And your earlier outlet comment. Sounds like you are very beaten down and somewhat used to putting up with no appreciation or even really respect, but you really don't like it. I usually avoid people who treat me like that, so it must be very painful to be married to that situation at the moment. Sorry for my clumsy words.

[thinkdifferently]

therapy made me realize i hadn't been thinking enough about doing things that made me happy. i was too busy getting everything done, looking after my family and the home.

i hope, if this sounds familiar, you are able to stand back and think about doing something every day, no matter how small, just because it pleases you. it's made me much more positive.

[wills11]

Even though I'm a 25yo male, I can empathize with you. Especially the comment about what you "do" mattering opposed to your "self."

I've had moments that move me to tears when someone, sometimes a complete stranger, genuinely expresses to me how much I've meant to them or how much something I've done means to them. Usually it's when I least expect it or after I've done something I didn't even fathom could "mean" something to anyone. -- I find this pretty strange since I work in healthcare and "helping people" is the nature of the job. You'd think that job setting would desensitize me or something haha!

But I've realized, through the last several months of therapy, that my struggle lies with meaning something to myself. What I mean is, for one example, I know what holding my family together for the past 3 years has meant to keeping a "family unit" existing in general. What it's mean outwardly - as a perception or reflection of it. What it means to actually have it. But what does it mean to me apart from all of that? What would it mean, to me, to not have it? What do I mean to myself outside of these "roles" I play? That's the tough part.

So far this weekend... I have washed 7 loads of laundry... sorted though stuff around house have 2 bags of trash to take out and two bags of clothing, 1 bag of shoes and 1 box of household goods to take to Goodwill.

[tinyrabbit]

You know, it's not just what you do that matters. It matters that YOU are the one doing it. A robot in your place would not suffice!