In a hole and digging deeper

I'm supposed to be finishing up my degree in grad school, but I've royally pissed off one of my advisors because I didn't get any paperwork done. I honestly didn't know I was supposed to do it yet: I was waiting for someone to tell me what I was supposed to do next, because I'm too stupid to figure it out on my own.

I know this means I should get cracking on the paperwork, but it always seems like the worse my situation gets, the less I want to work on getting out of it. I just get so tired of failing again and again and again that I just want to give up. I'm so tired of failing and struggling and getting scolded and feeling like an unworthy person, and it seems like the only thing I can do about it is quit trying.

How the hell am I supposed to motivate myself to actually do something productive and stop being a failure?

Is there a downside to quitting the program?

Unfortunately, yes. It's grad school and I've invested way too much money into it not to finish it. My parents would go apoplectic.

If it were up to me, I wouldn't do any work at all. I would just stay home and read. If it were up to me, I would stay home and out of everyone's way so nobody would ever be able to see me make stupid mistakes.

Problem is it's not realistic.

If only I could learn to stop making stupid mistakes, but I don't, so I guess I deserve every criticism and harsh judgment I get.

Thank you for replying.

Congrats on making it this far! That's Awesome! Since feeling overwhelmed saps your energy, could you focus on one manageable goal at a time? Divide the work up into little steps so you don't feel so overwhelmed. Hopefully finishing one step will give you confidence for the next.

Sorry, I lost this thread! I guess there is no autosubscribe when using quick reply.

If you decide to stick with grad school instead of dropping out, is that slightly motivating? Because it is a choice you are making? A huge number of people do drop out of grad school, so the fact that you are sticking with it means you are ahead of the curve.

Could you switch advisers? It doesn't seem right that your adviser expects you to be psychic and then scolds you when you're not. The adviser is supposed to *advise* you, right?

I lost interest in my grad program halfway through. I dropped out then changed my mind within two days and went back. I got through it by telling myself that I wanted the piece of paper. I'm glad I have the paper, but it's definitely a struggle to get through it when you would rather be doing something else.