[glok]

“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.” ― Criss Jami, Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile

Steve Taylor Ph.D., tells us how resentment is self-defeating, but forgiveness can be liberating. Are You Ready to Forgive? | Psychology Today

As one who has had to overcome anger, resentment and self-righteousness to begin the process of forgiving, I appreciate the clarity with which Dr. Taylor addresses the subject.

A worthwhile read. I hope you benefit from reading it.

[Parley]

No~ I am not! Perhaps when I overcome anger, resentment, and self righteousness, I will forgive but until then~ I'll settle for justice.

[glok]

Hello, Parley.

Let It Go: How Holding Grudges Affects Your Health

I wish you well.

[ladytiger]

The 1st part of the quote on grudges speaks about my parents as my mom feels everybody owes her.

[Teacake]

Always. All they have to do is ask.

[~rider]

I'm ready, but I'm not being successful. The person who spiraled me last year by abusing my trust (which I don't deal out easily), is an alcoholic and was drinking. This article does make sense especially because she did not want to hurt me, I absolutely believe that. And I want to forgive her so much, I've tried. But emotionally I'm still not able to. It really sucks cause I want to move on more than anything.

Going to read more about this. Thanks for the link.

[Scottishmist]

You can move on!!!

It's not always about forgiveness you know. You accept that your alcoholic friend did not mean to hurt you but, you WERE hurt and felt enormously let down. You say you want to forgive her but not able to. You have lost trust in this person and when you've lost trust it is very hard to regain it but, be gentle with yourself and give it time and you will slowly work through your feelings.

Meanwhile take it easy and let go. Life has a way of sorting things out for us... have faith.

By going along with feelings....
You unify your emotional, mental and bodily, states

When you try to fight or deny them...
You divorce yourself from the reality of your being

[HealingTimes]

I don't think that a lack of forgiveness necessarily means resentment. I wont ever forgive my parents for their behaviour.
I don't resent them though. They didn't have easy lives, especially my mother. Does that make her behaviour OK? No. But I don't need to forgive her, but nor do I resent her.

[regretful]

On this topic, I heard a rather amusing phrase the other day about resentment...it's like wetting your pants; you're the only one that feels it.

[SeekerOfLife]

I have already forgiven my ex for abandonment, rejection, and emotional abuse. And the pain is still there.

[IrisBloom]

Originally Posted by seekersinking

I have already forgiven my ex for abandonment, rejection, and emotional abuse. And the pain is still there.

I don't know how long it has been for you, but I had a similar experience. It took me 14 years to come to terms with the pain and accept that I would never be with him again. Today I can be in his presence (we have a child) and feel nothing. In fact, a couple of years ago we got a little tipsy and I tried to seduce him, but I didn't feel what I thought I would. That was when I knew I didn't need him.

[Feelinwobbly]

Originally Posted by regretful

On this topic, I heard a rather amusing phrase the other day about resentment...it's like wetting your pants; you're the only one that feels it.

That quote made my day

[Plain rain]

I am unable to forgive myself. I keep pushing that rock up the hill...only to have it roll me over and over.

[roads]

It's an excellent article, glok. Thanks for directing us to it.

I am trying to forgive myself, too, Plain rain. I finally forgave the other person and have managed to move on with my life, but I wrestle with self-hatred for not realizing earlier that there was something wrong in the relationship. It's hard, but we have to let go of it or we can never heal and truly move on.

roads