[socarp1]

Hello,

I have all my life being more interested in myself than others. Some call me ego centered and a bad listener.

My main concerns is that i always try to change the conversation topics towards my interests. I also cant pay attention and become bored easily of other peoples opinions or when its their turn to talk in a conversation. I start to daydream.

I usually am bad at asking questions or genuinely showing interest in other people.

Any self help books or tips on how to improve on this area?

[kaliope]

you dont even need a book...........just google the steps for reflective listening or active listening and your problem will be mostly solved. it is about using appropriate body language to indicate you are showing an interest and listening to what is said so that you can summarize and repeat back to the person what they said to you and mention a possible feeling the could be feeling in regards to what they may be feeling, this forces you to listen and empathize. welcome to psych central. you will find we have several forums where you can post about your concerns and receive feedback from other members. you will get a lot of support here. again, welcome

[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Congratulations on recognising this in yourself - I know many people who are apparently unaware that they behave in this way.

I would be interested to know why you suddenly feel this is an issue that troubles you.

[Perna]

Here's a book to start with: What About Me? Stop Selfishness from Ruining Your Relationship | Psych Central

I think it's terrific that you have realized this about yourself and want to change it. Do you think other people in your family have this same kind of behavior? Sometimes we learn this behavior from people that we grow up with.

Listening to someone can be a great gift both to them and to you.

I am usually a pretty good listener, but if I am spending too much time alone and then get around people, I will sometimes show "bad" listening behavior because I haven't been spending enough time in conversation with people.

Also, I think that even if a person if a good listener, there are still some people who are difficult to listen to either because they are bad conversationalists. They tell you really boring things or inappropriate things or the same things over and over. Even good listeners will find themselves avoiding these people. How we should talk to people is a skill just as listening is.

If you're finding that you are unable to listen to pretty much anyone, though, it sounds like you're right to work on your listening skills.

Do you find it difficult to concentrate in other areas of your life or is listening the main one?

[Butternut]

How to win Friends and Influence People By Dale Carnegie

I love he's books cause it talks more about peoples experiences.

[Ruftin]

Hello and welcome to Psych Central socarp1!!!! It's nice to meet you. Looks like you have some good answers here. Just wanted to say hi and I look forward to seeing you around!!!

[tin58]

Use questions! Ask people about themselves (people love talking about themselves) and try to find common ground. Common ground could be shared interests, the news, the weather etc. Its perfectly normal to be inclined to talk about yourself and it's awesome your aware of this and trying to improve. Your on your way to being a conversationalist :-D

[tin58]

P.s. if your insecure about what to ask about try kids, grandkids, or pets. People love talking about these things almost as much as they do themselves :-D

[Eris]

Originally Posted by socarp1

Hello,

I have all my life being more interested in myself than others. Some call me ego centered and a bad listener.

My main concerns is that i always try to change the conversation topics towards my interests. I also cant pay attention and become bored easily of other peoples opinions or when its their turn to talk in a conversation. I start to daydream.

I usually am bad at asking questions or genuinely showing interest in other people.

Any self help books or tips on how to improve on this area?

I know I am about to offend people, when I say this, but hang in there until I finish. I would first make sure the problem is in fact you being egocentric, and not the fact that you may be surrounded by "cat people". By cat people, I do not mean people who own cats, because you see, people who own dogs may also happen to be "cat people". Cat people is a slang term I use to describe people who drone on, and on, about tediously uninteresting subjects. These topics are in abundance and range from, silly things their cats do (obviously), their relatives or friends, which of whom, you do not know, a lengthy one-sided discussion, and play-by-play of their recent day at work, which typically is something equally boring, (e.g., librarian,) or worse yet, you may be subjected to sit through an inappropriate articulation of their financial difficulties, or intimate relationship information in graphic detail. It's really hard to tell if it's egocentricity in this case, because a colony of creepy, dull, cat people can function perfectly, and even co-exist with the outside world. (Even though they make normal people uncomfortable, this particular species of socially awkward individualism can indeed thrive alone amongst the rest of us.) Though typically, the cat people tend to want to stay together in large drones, like wild buffalo, to protect their, creepy, creepy kind.

Hope this helps, at least make you smile -Pterra