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TryingToMoveForward
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Default Jan 31, 2016 at 11:45 AM
  #1
But I would like one. I just seem to be unable to establish goals, or to at least achieve them. They are always so scattered and seemingly impossible to achieve.

I want to go back to grad school, but mental impairments and financial strain are preventing me from achieving this goal and I'm not sure how to go about solving these problems.

I want DBT but I don't have access to this therapy technique. But I definitely want to improve my symptoms and actually enjoy life, live and thrive instead of suffer and exist on autopilot.

I want healthy relationships but no idea how to have them. It would be nice to meet a longterm partner, but right now I know I would sabotage my relationship. I really don't know what to do about this.

I need to get my license, and was going to work on it then started having seizure like symptoms and now I'm not even allowed to drive at all for a while.

All these things are kind of...everywhere and in-concrete in my mind. They are more ideas than goals, because I haven't figured out how to make them into achievable goals yet. And didn't exactly get any guidance from my old therapist. She had me make goals but we never discussed them and I felt like I didn't really accomplish anything in a years worth of time. Then again, I got my new diagnoses at the end of our time together, so we didn't know we had those things to work on.

I really can't see a future at all. It's vague, undefined and basically nonexistent. Right now I just living, struggling, to get through each day, each week, each month. There isn't any mental space to think about the future.

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shadow2000
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Default Jan 31, 2016 at 03:12 PM
  #2
Figuring out when to keep moving forward with a goal, when to modify a goal, and when to postpone or possibly abandon working toward a goal isn't an easy thing to do. We all have things that we'd like to accomplish, and a lot of the time, we equate modifying, postponing, or abandoning some goals with accepting defeat. But I don't think that success is all about getting getting everything that we want exactly the way that we wanted it. To me, adapting is a key part of succeeding.

Given the obstacles that it sounds like you're up against currently, you might not be able to achieve everything that you currently hope that you'll be able to achieve, but you can probably still do some good things and grow as a person. I might be oversimplifying things here, but I think that most of the problems that we face in life can be divided into two categories: the problems that we can change, and the problems that we can't change. Life can be difficult when we have a lot of problems that we can do little if anything to change, but usually, there are at least some things that we can change, and I'm sure that most would agree with me when I say that it does more good to focus on the things that we can change than it does to focus on things that we can't really change.

Getting into a long-term romantic relationship might or might not be the best thing for you right now, but maybe you can still work to strengthen any relationships that you might currently have or perhaps make a new friend or two. You might not be able to get back into graduate school right now, but maybe you can take a free online course or even just read some books on subjects that you might want to study in school later on. You might not currently have access to a therapist who uses DBT techniques, but you should probably still be able to find some good books that explain DBT techniques and how to implement them. So, as I was saying, we're not always going to get to achieve everything that we want exactly as we intend to. Most of the time, we're probably not going to. But if we adapt and reinvent ourselves, most of us can still achieve some things that we want to achieve, even if we can't necessarily accomplish all of the bigger things that we at one point hoped we'd be able to accomplish.

This seems to sum up my thoughts on what you've written for now. Thank you for reading.

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Default Jan 31, 2016 at 04:13 PM
  #3
"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans". John Lennon

I don't make plans and that feels fine.

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Default Feb 01, 2016 at 10:43 PM
  #4
Chipping away at a goal is still progress. You don't have to do it all at once
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Default Feb 02, 2016 at 11:08 PM
  #5
"If all you can do is crawl, then crawl." - Rumi

One small step at a time. Just sitting with not having a plan positions you to move forward in a way.
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stewartmays1
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Default Feb 05, 2016 at 09:37 PM
  #6
just do whats important to you right now for me i really missed working out i meen the benefits are awesome so i m getting a new bike buying all the right supplements eat right and in the next few days i will be out their riding my bike again and getting fitter and mentally well again. you have to find goal that meen something to you first
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PieceofMe
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Default Feb 05, 2016 at 09:45 PM
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you sound just like me. anybody want to help me?? we have similar goals by the way. i'm not in therapy, have super low self esteem (see my other threads for reasons) and also I like cbt, although it didn't help. i have GAD. Has that ruined anybody's else's life??
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Default Feb 05, 2016 at 10:01 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by PieceofMe View Post
you sound just like me. anybody want to help me?? we have similar goals by the way. i'm not in therapy, have super low self esteem (see my other threads for reasons) and also I like cbt, although it didn't help. i have GAD. Has that ruined anybody's else's life??
i will help you pm anytime you want do you enjoy working out?
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PieceofMe
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Default Feb 07, 2016 at 03:19 PM
  #9
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Originally Posted by stewartmays1 View Post
i will help you pm anytime you want do you enjoy working out?
No but I need to. lol. I need to get to a healthy weight. I talk myself out of it.
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Default Feb 08, 2016 at 12:27 AM
  #10
Basically as I see it based on your current state. Your main goal should be healing. Focus your energy on getting stable, emotionally, mentally, etc. You are worrying too much about getting somewhere you're not ready to be yet.

You can't put the cart before the horse. Take some deep breathes, relax, recover, get well. Than you can create a plan. As for a relationship, you don't have to be perfect to be in one, heck no one is. But reading books on building a healthy relationship, marriage, etc. May be helpful to you.

How much do you really want an advanced degree? Why do you want an advanced degree? Determine if it's really necessary to becoming who want to be in life. If so, than figure out what you want to study, where you want to go, speak to the school advisors, research the field, job prospects, etc. Than take the required exams, classes, apply for financial aid, grants, scholarships (the financial aid office can help with that).

If DBT is what you think will really work for you. Call insurance, see if they have a provider in your network who does this. See if you need a referral. But I would start with insurance.

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