Setting boundaries

This is just a word that I've seen thrown around a lot, but I want to work on my boundaries a bit more. How do I keep from being too flexible or too rigid in my boundaries with people? How would you define good boundaries? What are some tips you have in setting good boundaries? I'd definitely like some advice in that area, as I've been feeling frustrated with this lately.

I am not the person to be giving advice here! It's an ongoing issue for me although I think I am getting better at it. I just want to say that I understand it can be really difficult.

Well, good to know I'm not the only one on this. And yeah, it is hard.

I also struggle with boundaries a lot! I read a few books last year that were helpful: 'When I say no, I feel guilty' and 'Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No.' The second book is written from a religious perspective. I am not religious, but I got a lot out of the book anyway.

The biggest improvement I've made in the past year or two is letting go of the desire to analyze my 'no' to death. I used to worry a lot about whether it was 'right' to say no. Now I still worry probably more than I should, but a lot less than I used to

Is there some area in particular where you feel like your boundaries aren't good?

Good question. Maybe it's just occasionally feeling bowled over by people's opinions, like I'm stupid or something. Like if I don't believe such and such and that and such, I'm stupid. I also feel like I can't trust my gut -- I don't know if this is a boundaries thing or not but it's worth mentioning. I also disclose too much -- it's like a compulsion. Stuff like that.

find something that is a problem for you - jut one thing - dont work on too many at once

for me an example was always saying yes to shift changes even if it meant I only had singles days off in between a group of shifts and was always tired -

I asked my self why I couldn't say no - - it would be bad - I would be a bad person - I would be letting them down -

what was I afraid of if I said no - they wouldn't like me - they would think I didn't want to help - was a bad person - not a team player (I even helped out when I was sick )

What did I want to do - I wanted to say no if it was inconvenient or would mean I would not get 2 days off in between my shift groups

why? - it would be better for my health and wellbeing - help with sleep patterns - eating habits (im diabetic so should pay attention to this) and stress levels from overworking when I was tired

What did I do - the next time they asked and it was inconvenient I said no I couldn't - they tried emotional blackmail "youre letting the side down, what about the others you would be working with how will they feel when they hear you said no" and I said ok.... :-( it took a few times before I said NO and I must admit that the time I asked to change a shift and was told no it was inconvenient and then another person on the shift changed theirs did have an impact -

it takes practive and you will prob feel bad/guilty/upset short term - long term it will help

if I can help let me know

P7 - hope this example helped

Thanks! I'll definitely give it a shot.

Boundaries are very important. I agree. You have to be direct and make your position clear so people hear you sometimes.

Very well-said! Fortunately, I've been getting better at my boundaries. A bit, at least.

I struggle with this too. It's important to learn how to set healthy boundaries otherwise it becomes very difficult to deal with, with time. Spend time around people that accept you as you are. Be careful about recognizing other people's emotions and opinions as theirs and not as your own so that they don't cause influences on you. Get out of unhealthy situations and relationships fast and take what you can learn from them. Avoid toxicity and never doubt your potentials to heal and grow.