I feel old. I am only in my early 20s but I'm already trying to resurrect myself.

My goal was always to do well in a career, but I think I would like to go live in a country where I don't know the language. Maybe Berlin. Like David Bowie.

Every time I think of goals I get so upset. No one seems to understand what I've been through.

Maybe I will teach English or waitress while I get on my feet. I just want to get far away from here.

I am also going to busk and find gigs to audition for.

[mccarrolmike]

Are you afraid of leaving behind everything?
Are you independent?
Why do you want to leave to a new country where you do not know their language or customs?

Of course I am a little afraid. But I would like to start over. People say that when you are immersed in a new language it is like being a baby because you don't understand anything. Also I like German films and culture. Music and philosophy.

I am very disenchanted with the U.S.

Similarly I would like to kill myself. But what that really means is that I would like to be born again. I want to leave everything behind including myself. I am rotting away. I am dead the way I am now. Weeeds have overtaken me. I need to pull them out and force my mind open again.

[mccarrolmike]

Sounds to me that you have great intention to move forward with your life.
Do some more research on Germany. You cost of living etc....
Also, have you considered psychotherapy?

[Sunflower123]

I know that when I go to Florida for two weeks and to the Smokies for a week each year, it drastically changes my mood and outlook. I say go for it. You could move and be very happy. Just keep in mind that some of your baggage may follow you wherever you go. Best wishes.

[mccarrolmike]

Best wishes