A few Measly Steps a Day

Alive, I think the steps you took were very good, and I think they will give you the energy to do some more steps. Please appreciate that what you did was very good. You wrote, "Somehow I had the energy to want to feel better. So I did work a little, I told myself it only has to be a little. That is something I only recently was able to accept. That I can maybe only do a little at a time without feeling too bad or drained from it. That did help me feel a little better!!," I think that's true and important.

Please know that your post helped me. It made me feel hopeful.

You also said you used to run very fast and that you ran a marathon. I am very impressed. You think jogging for fifteen minutes is not much, but I can jog for maybe four or five steps - maybe ten seconds. So what you think is a small step is something that is too hard for me to do at all. At my best I can walk a mile.

Alive, you are taking steps - your remote work, talking. Everything counts. So please notice all these things and appreciate them.

Thanks so much for your kind words, of both of you. I'm glad it's OK that I talked about that stuff here.

Not sure how often the chat is active on this site, it happened to be when I got online to look a few days ago and yeah it helped. It would def be a good idea to have more chats like this. I think there is actually 7cups too, I tried that before, though it would be nice if they had more rooms (so it'd feel less chaotic to me lol. At least when I went there there were a lot of people in the chat room so it all went very fast)

Thanks for the idea about looking for a thread, but I'm not sure what you meant, what kind of thread?

And yes I do have motivation when I'm doing ok. Today was actually not bad... I did another jog and so maybe it'll be finally regular training this time, if I don't get sick. I did do a little work afterwards, about two-thirds of the plan so that was ok actually. It was an okayish day yeah, I somehow tried to not feel too much, neither up nor down, I felt like I'd be content with not feeling a lot, and just doing the things I wanted to do. I thought, if I'm doing good with this basic daily routine established then I can be ok with more emotions again (I mean just the normal up/down of life stuff) and more complex things too. Until then I don't have to worry about that part. That sortof worked out.

What didn't work today was, I did ask my mother to remind me if I want to do anything after breakfast... but she forgot and I got too deep in my head for a while. I got lucky that I did get to a good enough state to do my training in the early evening. And probably that's why I managed to do the work too afterwards.

So you asked me if I was up for sending a small set of goals... well that, that I would get out of my head sooner than early evening Find a way so that my mother can help me there. My problem with setting this goal and many others is what I'm slowed down and can't think of ideas. But I think I'm learning that it just takes longer to think of ideas

If that made sense.

So to summarise.... find help to be able to get out of my head in the morning. Do some work that way every day (except weekends maybe). Do the 15-min jogs every 2nd day for now. I'd be already VERY happy with just this!!

Thanks...yes I'm trying to appreciate it lol, appreciate the little I mean. What seemed little before. I'm not sure why it was so hard before to accept/appreciate that. But your words do help there!

That's really cool if I was able to help you too

Hi Alive,

When you locate the right topic or forum all the people there already "get" what you're going through and reading over their messages has a lot of insight and support and help in itself.

I'm no clinician, so I'm reaching to suggest these forums as examples of what I mean. The real one for you might be in this list or waiting for your search.

Forum: https://psychcentralforums.com/coping-with-emotions/

One Thread: https://psychcentralforums.com/copin...ct#post6992320

Forum: Depression. https://psychcentralforums.com/depression/

Another thread: https://psychcentralforums.com/depre...highlight=head

Keep talking to us, whatever you do.
R

I don't know if you read my titles. I write a new one every post to keep my headlines writing skills in play.

Had a Sony boombox that played CD and tapes when it wanted to, now when I did. So, researched several brands and all of them have issues with the durability of their cd player components.

Got me to refine what I did want: remote for the radio so I can scan w/o leaving my seat, a working CD. Decent sound. Turns out, we already had that in a bluetooth speaker that connects to my Ipod (remotely), and a Sony discman that does work well.

Wrapped up the Sony and moved the other gear from our office where its not being used much to the living room. Plugged everything in, and it's great.

Put the Sony boombox on freecycle, and already have 4 responders.

Less is sometimes best. The phrase "less is more" drives me batty, cuz it ain't. Might be fewer, though.
R

Hey again. Oh yes I know what you mean...I only ever saw one place like that before. (But that was about a different issue) That was like some really strange and new experience to me LOL

Thanks extra for the examples. Yeah an accountability partner, that would be good. I used to want to work on it together with my best friend at the time, because we both were having issues.... That def would have been such a mood & motivation & energy booster but eh. Not looking back to the past. So yeah I've never had an accountability partner but it sounds just like what would work for me at this point. I don't need it to be a good friend anymore really...like I used to want that. I used to want to work like that with someone who's experienced the same isolation issues. The best friend back then did have the same issue. Thinking out loud, it's true it would be ideal if it's someone who's recovering and at a similar phase I am at. Whether they had isolation before or not, but it would obviously be better if they did experience it too.

I do know this guy who's had it, but he's still not at the phase where he would want to do work. So we can't really be accountability partners, though at least he's at least got as far now as, fixing his sleep schedule & doing volunteering in something he likes (online). But I was at that years ago (fixing my sleep). The volunteering he does, I did that too before (also online). I know a girl too, who's had the same issue with isolation, yeah, but again I don't think we are at the same point. Neither of them are even willing to go seek external help or take the idea seriously that they can't solve it all alone. It's so hard to try and work with them that way. I can just hope they will get there one day... It's too bad, they are all a similar age as me, including former best friend. Why we couldn't make a group or something, I don't even know. It could even have been IRL as we all live in the SAME city.

Anyway that aside... I can't make a goal about that one (as it wouldn't just depend on me, right?). So other goals.

I didn't really have a chance today to do the work like I planned to for most days (if I can get out of my head in the morning), I will from Friday. Today and tomorrow it's me going out to sort out a few things. I usually don't have to go out. Well good news for today is I did sort out most things I wanted to but really tired now. I have got so unused to going out since the summer (this summer was very good, I actually had energy there like I hadn't for years). I still have to do at least a little work (didn't get a chance until now), or I won't feel good, lol. Also, if I can keep doing the training tomorrow that'll be really good news. Especially if I can for more than 2 weeks without either getting sick or getting a mood problem.

So my goals for this evening & tomorrow are:
- This evening: do at least as much work as yesterday evening. (That was about 40 minutes. 38 minutes to be exact.)
- Tomorrow: I do have to do a little work in the morning (about an hour, or 1.5 hours, easy enough too), then going out to the appointment with the psychiatrist, etc (other errands that piled up). Then the 15 mins jog in the afternoon. Then some more work late afternoon or in the early evening...Evenings are easier for me.

If I can get all this done that will already be a particularly good day. I do have them sometimes, but the goal is, you see, have a string of them, not just 1-2 good days lol.
Wish me luck yeah.



PS. Oh you asked in your other post if we read your titles. I for one do

Alive, you're right about the string of good days. The good days make you strong. Feeling strong gives you more good days. I wish you well. Also please know that people don't post every day. I was out of town and didn't post for a bit. But Revue and I do post quite often. It's probably the same in the chat.

I'm going to write for a 30 minutes now - a step of my own. Then tomorrow I have to make two phone calls, work on my writing, and be at part of a zoom meeting.

Good wishes to all of us.

Thanks again. Yeah, I figured you two post the most here. Good luck with your writing (you probably already finished it by the time you'll see my post).

As for the string of good days...Yeah what you say, that is what I hope for. It would be a really big step forward for me because in recent years I would only have a good day for 1-2 days before losing that somehow. I only had a longer string of the good days once, and that was this summer because of a project I embarked on. Then the project ended as it was just a temporary one, and I was pulled back by the past again and I felt worse than ever (as a contrast). So the challenge is to be able to do that string of good days without having to have some big great project like in the summer lol. Though that was also already a step forward as I couldn't even have done that project before this year.



EDIT: Oh yeah and I almost forgot. So I did the work last night (not *too* late, my sleep schedule was just about salvageable), and I ended up doing more than 3 hours. That meant that this morning I sent in the finished job early, not last minute, LOL. That was nice, as that happens so rarely lol. & Did the errands today having gone out, back now, going to go and do that training soon, the 15mins jog. Not sick yet, that's also good so far..... (I do have that risk since my illness last winter, sadly)

Congratulations, Alive. I hope you keep going.

Me - I made one of my two phone calls, did a little exercising, and wrote a lot - a couple of hours.. So mostly a good day.

For many years I've volunteered to be the recycling, food waste, and garbage lead in my condo. The past several months have been incredibly frustrating as the same "problems" keep returning. Someone among our dozen units is too care-less to even follow the easy rules or guidelines the City needs us to follow.

I've pleaded via email and attaching notes on every door. I've submitted photo scenes from the misdeeds. And yet it's like yelling to the ocean. What does the ocean care. It'll do what it pleases.

So, today I exercised my Other IQ: I Quit. Sent a note to the owners a moment ago. Last day will be the annual meeting scheduled for March something.

Can hardly wait.
That's my todo and my DONE.
R

Thanks. Glad you had a good day. Hope your next day will be good too (and same for Revu). I had a bad one, I knew yesterday evening after the 15-min jog that I was tired. I did do a little work but I was tired and sleepy by then. Still that went surprisingly well. But that was yesterday. Next training session is on Sunday (3 times a week), I got some pills for someone from a shop (they quarantined themselves), I spent several hours on arranging something that should normally take 30 mins, as I was feeling a bit low already. Also, I should've worked some today, but I am not sure if it's a good idea to try and commit to doing it this evening. Maybe I'll just go to bed really early. I wanted to get a lot more done tomorrow for work, and I think I still want to, I'm just really low right now, the past nightmares coming back but maybe not pulling me in as deep as before.

Sorry to hear this. So it wasn't a totally good day for you either but it was at least some relief too, I hope.

I walked a bit and wrote a lot.

Bummed yesterday. Two of my friends have families where everyone got COVID. The place where my mother-in-law is staying has cases of COVID, and they've worked so hard to be safe. And I'll probably be alone for Christmas.

Cheered up today. It's a beautiful day, and I have some great ideas for writing. So far my mother-in-law is okay, and the vaccine is available. So there's a lot of sadness but also things to be hopeful about. I'll write and work in my garden, and be happy for the good things.

Hello World. Yeah, "on" & "off" days find their own rhythm. De, hang in there with your peeps, though you'll need to keep your distance.

Played some online bridge Friday and it lifted my mood. Still quitting this vol. gig at the condo.

Alive, have you tried Moodscope? Here's the info:
What is Moodscope?

Quote:

Moodscope members seek to support each other by sharing their experiences through this blog. If you’d like to receive these daily posts by email, just sign up to Moodscope now, completely free of charge. Moodscope is an innovative way for people to treat their own low mood problems using an engaging online tool. Anyone in the world can accurately assess and track daily mood scores over a period of time. We have proved that the very act of measuring, tracking and sharing mood can actually lift it.

How it works.

When I was digging out of my depression/grief, I found it helped. I just took their quick 20 question daily test again. After 2560 days from the last one. They have a way to buddy with a friend to deliver you results to. When you find your accountable partner, that might be one of your trades.

Loved their daily blogs & comments section. Quirky, thoughtful, intelligent.

Take a looksee.
R

I'll check it out, but, honestly, my mood buddies are: you, my Nanowrimo friends, my other Internet writing friends, my Zoom church friends, and my phone friends. As for catching COVID, unlikely since I haven't been around the friends I mentioned since early March, and my mother-in-law's place is on lockdown until everyone there tests negative two weeks in a row. When we do get to visit, it's two visitors, once a week, no touching, plexiglass screen, six feet. That's what gets me. They were so careful, always, and they still had 12 cases. They also help the residents with Zoom, but my MIL can't hear, so Zoom wouldn't work.

Oops, better not gloat. I'm not totally COVID safe. I do go to the store, and I have a termite inspector coming today. And I buy food from restaurants. So no guarantees.

Happy note - my daughter, a doctor, got a vaccine shot on Saturday. She emailed us the video.

I am the opposite of blocked with my writing. I know where my plot is going, and except for a couple of blank spaces, I know how I will get there. Have a safe and Merry Christmas.

Ooh, one more cool thing. I'm going to buy my MIL a surprise birthday box. You open it, and there's a cupcake inside, and mechanical, wind-up butterflies fly out of the box. I'll warn the nursing home first though - in case there's any problem with the butterflies. With COVID, I don't want to give them any surprises.

Thank you, I started checking that out. I'll write more later about it.

I couldn't log on here for a couple of days, but, as you can see, I solved the problem, I think.

Yeah, it seems ye olde PC now is My Support Forums. Possibly better name. I wonder if they tested "our support forums" or "support forums."

There's been some deals cut and a new server transition. I think I'm in on the two machines I use most.

Today: have a couple of tax bills to pay online. Requires zenlike attention.

Already drafted the last section of a mock press release I'm doing about my funenticing of meetings.

Always pages to read before I sleep.

Revu2

My writing. So far, this is very exciting. I have the ideas, but I haven't come to the problems yet.
My characters are going to the Yukon in winter. Sandy is a First Nations Northern Tutchone elder. He's coming back to his homeland to die. Jody has to come with him because she has no where else to go. She's terrified of storms. Will is a Mountie widower with three kids. The oldest is moody and rebellious. He has been since his mother died.
There will be meth labs, abandoned gold mines, and Vision quests.
My writing goes like this - I begin to write, then come across something I don't know and end up surfing the net looking up info about the Klondike gold rush and First Nations history. Protocol is very important among First Nations, and I don't want to write something that will offend someone. The way I have Jody talking to Sandy now breaks several rules of protocol. That's the kind of thing I'm trying to learn. It took me about two days to figure out the route Sandy and Jody would take from Vancouver to Mayo, the closest town to Sandy's cabin. There's so much that I want to include. But I'll write the main plot first, and then fill in with the fluff. Watching the videos of Dawson City and the Klondike gold rush, and First nations is really fun, and I spend a lot of time watching videos on YouTube. Right now, Sandy is my favorite character. Probably the hardest thing will be to make Jody into an interesting character.

Okay, I'll see what comes out of brain - or that mysterious somewhere of ideas that tell me they want me use them. It feels like the story tells me what to write, not the other way around.

Happy stepping, and Merry Christmas.

Hello world. De, thanks for sharing your process. It's bit like mine to the degree online research is really fun. Pick up all sorts of tidbits of info.

Lots of food about the house, so set for everything on holiday closure tomorrow. Working my way thru a couple of books and the library tells me several dvds and books I requested are ready for pickup.

Daily goals are limited to reading and editing the next document for my latest project on bringing game elements to real life meetings.

Great fun and probably something I might have been working on for many years had I the sense to see the sense of it.
R

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, Revue and Alive, and anyone else who reads this.

Revu, I've always been in awe of the work that goes into your projects. It makes sense, of course; it's the sort of thing I did back in college. But I don't often have that motivation now.

But I get it. When you're interested and invested in what you're doing, the energy shows up, and the work is - well - what else would you be doing?

I love the idea of bringing games into meetings. Hosting a meeting is such an art.

This morning has been filled with on-line friends and Christmas events. The afternoon will be devoted to writing, cleaning - ???? cleaning on Christmas Day??? yes, and preparing for tomorrow's celebration. Don't worry - it's just going to be me, my husband, and the dogs.

That's about it for me. Good, happy, healthy, safe wishes to all.

I gave myself a wood chipper/shredder for Christmas. Using a chainsaw is easy. It takes about ten minutes to do most of the work in shaping a tree. The hard part is loading up the green-waste container - cutting the branches into pieces that fit in the bin then carrying the bin out to the sidewalk. And there's not enough space in the container, so once it's full, I either have to wait until next week to fill up the rest of the cuttings, or ask my neighbor across the street if I can use her container - repeat lugging container, clipping, filling the container, etc. Loading the chipper is easier work, and I end up with mulch that I didn't have to pay for. larger branches, of course, still have to go in the green-waste container.

All's quiet now.

Finished an idea from Amazon, the Mock Press Release, for my fun-enticing project for meetings. Took about 10 days with the research, drafting, etc. for the 9 sections.

Same time, different project, I'm reading the artist memoir by dancer/choreographer Liz Lerman, Hiking the Horizontal. She's writing for a mixed audience: community members, college folks, & dancers, of course. She falls into arguing, defending, bemoaning, etc. several times that learning through the body is a valid, valuable way to learn and THINK.

At one point she talks about academic research and artistic research. Scientific and other college-bound research in my way of thinking exists to show and prove or disprove something. Artistic research exists to generate ideas and to make use of them in a public way (a book, a movie, a dance performance). Great scientific research can be "replicated." Great artistic research can probably never be exactly repeated through repeating the research steps, you have to experience the work and copy it.

I have a little trip planned for today. Something to mull about as I travel.
R

Yesterday, I made a list of the three things I wanted to finish. Soon that list grew to six items. Finished - none of them. Started two of them. Today better be better.

On a more cheerful note - I was thinking about everything that's wrong with the world, and getting really depressed. (Wait for happy ending here.) I remembered the song, "May You Always Walk in Sunshine." I found a Muppet version of the song, and it made me laugh. That's what I want someone to tell me, or sing to me. Rowlf sang it to me a couple of times.

I think I'll chip up some wood this morning, after Rowlf sings to me one more time. (Rowlf is a Muppet dog, in case anyone reading this doesn't know.)

P.S. My husband and I are not singers, in case you're wondering.

Good wishes.