A few Measly Steps a Day

Hi Steps Thread. We went to Chinatown and got a roast duck and bok choi. Which lasted several days. We also got the ingredients for tekka and spent Friday making it. We slow cooked ours for 8 hours.

Really enjoying studying how games work. All those years I spent fixing myself I might have been studying psychology through games. A lot more upbeat. They look at "player agency," motivation, memory chunking, storytelling, and even chaos theory.

Learned that George Miller's famous formula for short term memory: The Magic Number 7 ± 2, has been researched down to 4 ± 1. This isn't a good trend so I will pitch a proposal at the next short term memory conference we stop research. I mean where will it end? 2 ± .25?

I also remind myself to watch to more comedy. Which I'm going to do to relax before sleep.

Cornish hens, stuffing, cranberry sauce, gravy , yams, green beans, egg nog and cranberry/apple tartlets. We had a good Thanksgiving.
I'm going to look up George Miller and his magic number. I know my memory is slipping. it's a funky in-between time for me. I'm done editing, and need to transition into writing and promoting. I'm back on Zoom meetings. So far so good - I'm not getting too many weird emails, and, since everyone else is getting them, I'm thinking they may not be Zoom related.
Our COVID numbers are scary. And, with the holidays, I'm sure they're not going to improve. Bad note to end on.
I'm happy that someone removed the rule of not ending a sentence with a preposition. I'm with Winston Churchill - "up with I shall not put."
Happy Holidays.

Finishing the month in a better place than I started.
I didn't find an astronomical object with a rotation that would match my "daily" steps. Perhaps some wildly tumbling asteroid in an extreme cometary orbit?

Stress eating gradually went down week after election. Lots of bumps ahead, but determinedly hopeful.

I didn't write for Nanowrimo, but did daydream more actively. Looking forward to next year.

Had first optometrist visit in years, and eyes were in reasonable shape. Optometrist liked to explain and liked to laugh.
I will have my first bifocals -- and eyes are in "come back for an annual checkup" condition.

My sweetheart has less flexible coverage, and only available dental work through her clinic was through a monthly "first come first serve" line up. They were full up at 8:05 AM -- so we've set alarms and expect to be in line before sunrise.

To be continued, on a December near us.

Lyndon

Re: ending sentences with prepositions. Up here in Seattle one might hear, "Would you like to go with?" and not adding the final me. I just tried to find a reference via search, no luck.

Steps tomorrow: culling some ideas from a grant; joining a couple of World AIDS Day presentations; and taking a walk to buy bread.

Had a productive few days. Moved two project along a bit. Thinking a lot about my gamification idea. Have plans to watch a live streamed talk tomorrow.
Plans: Developing a list of titles for my Mock Press Release about my concept. Taking a walk. Chill.
Is this not happiness?
R

Some days I want to move an exciting goal and have a duty to move a dutiful goal. One Yes, One Yuck. I set up a walk, or if feeling creative, a walsh.
The Walk is iambic - Yuck-Yes; Yuck-Yes, or Yes - Yuck, Yes - Yuck.

The Walsh is: Yuck - Yes Yes; Yuck - Yes Yes.

Always the big puzzle: do I begin with the Yuck or the Yes?

Hello writers. If you have the Pro Writing Aid app you can sign up for their webinar on self-editing. I don't know if it will be much good. We'll have to find out.
ProWritingAid Online Writing Courses
Scroll down.
Revu2

I want to put the last bag of groceries away. I have been relaxing today and less focused on chores. I do need to give my cat her medicine tonight. And I want to meditate before falling asleep. It would be nice if I cooked something, but I am too tired. Maybe I can make a salad. That would be nice and healthy. I find I struggle a lot with a lack of energy. So I take baby steps all the time. My quote is, "Inch by inch, it's a cinch." I got that from a friend of mine. I am happy that I was successful at relaxing today. I feel calm.

Hi, R.

So I took break in the action after publishing Temporary Address and Through Unfamiliar Waters. Now I'm working on my marketing strategy (don't laugh) and I'm doing some research for Earth Songs. To that end, I've bought a subscription to the Whitehorse Star. I spent a good chunk of last night and today watching videos - I watched two episodes of Sergeant Preston of the Yukon. I'm also researching abandoned mines, the Klondike gold rush, and indigenous tribes of the Yukon. No concrete plot yet, but a few tantalizing ideas. It's such a giant step from ideas buzzing around to a concrete plot. The ideas can't be judged. The concrete plot - maybe an outline - tells you whether you know what you're talking about or not.

There's a gold mine of ideas in gold mining. (please laugh.) I wrote a short story once about gold fever. Unfortunately, I can't find it. I might try to resurrect it from memory. It's one of the best things I've ever written, but I've looked and looked. I think it's gone forever.

Happy stepping.

I like your blog Deilla. You have some good ideas.

I'm creating a website, and I'm getting frustrated. I plan to read from my book on Chuckanut.

Hello. Today's my b'day. Yet another day. Turns out I'm 67 years and going strong. A great thing.

D, can you post the link for Chuckanut? It'd like to see what you're talking about.

Keeping a no profile today ... except I helped to deal with a couple of plugged drains (and created a mossy trail on the carpet I had to clean up); cooked breakfast, and get through my new messages.

Have a call in a couple of hours. Maybe I'll put on some music and sort out my messy desk from my prior high intensity period.

Or maybe not.

Hey all. I'm new here. I did not read the entire thread yet or anyhing, so I would just like to ask, do you have any group somewhere where you all work together on helping keep some check on each other informally for your goals of the few measly steps a day or something like that?



EDIT: I mean, outside this forum. Something more interactive.

Happy Birthday, R. I hope you figured out a way to celebrate in spite of COVID.

I'm posting info on Chuchanut beloiw:

Please submit any questions to: chuckanutsandstone@gmail.com

Date Time: Dec 9, 2020 06:30 PM Pacific Time (US and Canada)
Every month on the Second Wed, until Apr 14, 2021, 5 occurrence(s)
Dec 9, 2020 06:30 PM
Jan 13, 2021 06:30 PM
Feb 10, 2021 06:30 PM
Mar 10, 2021 06:30 PM
Apr 14, 2021 06:30 PM

We had 33 participants on Zoom, and most of them read poetry. A few of us, including me, read prose. Most of the participants were from Washington State, but we also had people from Canada, California, and we had one person from Australia. It was a loosely organized group of people sharing what they love. Low key. We emailed earlier asking for a certain amount of time - up to seven minutes - to read.

Hi, Alive,

So much to tell you!
The Measly steps are on-line only. They started on Barbara Sher's website - in 2001, I think. When Barbara Sher's website closed down, Revue and I and a couple of other internet friends began posting here. However, there are other Barbara Sher groups around the world, although, with COVID, probably most of them meet on-line as well.

Right now, it's mostly Revue and I posting every few days. There are a few others who pop in once in a while, and of course everyone is welcome.

The idea of the Measly steps is that you commit to performing some steps towards your goal, whatever your goal is, and then you post how you did. And we support each and cheer each other on. As you can see, we don't adhere strictly to that format since quite often life interferes with our goals. For me, reading at Chuckanut was a step towards my goal.

Revue and I have had success with the steps. He started and built up his own business. I wrote and published and sold three books. There were a lot bumps and some spectacular problems and hard times along the way.

There's no magical way to accomplish a goal - for most of us, at least. On television, the hero locks himself in a closet, writes for two weeks, gets five rejections, stumbles across a publisher at a local diner, The publisher loves his work and publishes it. Real life isn't like that.

If you're interested, all of this started with a book by Barbara Sher called "Wishcraft."

Thank you. Yes I'm looking for an online opportunity for help, an online group or something. What I want won't work with just posting on a forum thread, but would like regular active interaction with someone or with a group, that's what's needed for what I want. Here's what I want: https://psychcentralforums.com/6987218-post12.html

PS/DISCLAIMER No, going to therapists does not work for this one. So please do not advise to me to go to therapy again.

I'll add. It's kind of like... if I see someone (or more than one person, I don't know) takes the obligation on that they check in for me/check on me then I am able to do the same for them and do what I need done. I don't know, that's just how I'd feel they do care and then I'd feel I do exist in the actual world. This is really actually hazy for me beyond this but I think it's something like this. What I want is this, not have to do it all alone. What the obstacle is, I have not found anyone willing to take that obligation on for me or whatever it is, if not an obligation, I don't "need" them to feel all this crazy never-ending love for me or be my "sole supporter" or blah blah blah. I know people do not like to feel like that they "need" to provide that. I'd just like to get a basic life going for now and then I can focus on relationships too. Thanks.

Edit: and I'm also fine with it if they need some help too from me in turn. I can also try and work together with someone who has the same goal of establishing a basic life. Get up in the morning, dress up and then do some job for a living (not full time for me for now) and then do whatever else one may fancy if not too tired and there is still time left in the day before sleeping at night. That's it for now.

I think the best thing I can tell you, Alive, is that I understand. Humans need each other for support. They don't do well if they are alone. I feel the same things you wrote about, although I think I feel them less than you do. When I get to that bad place in my head, I do three things - go outside, get some exercise, and talk to someone. Usually that works for me. Or at least it helps a bit.
Revue and I can't solve all your problems, but we could be a part of the solution. If you post here, we will answer and encourage you.
According to your bio, you are from Hungary. If Hungarians are like Russians (that's my heritage) your parents love you but they don't understand. They can give you a little support, but not everything that you need. My parents would tell me to "just pull myself up and get over it." They wouldn't understand.
Friends - both Internet friends and in-person friends can give you a little help, but no one person can give you everything you need. You need several friends. If you ask too much of one person, that person will not want to help you anymore.
In the United States, COVID is bad, and I can't visit with friends because of it. So I'm always challenged to find ways to stay out of the bad places in my head. I talk to people on the phone, I talk to my neighbors, - but from 6 feet away. I go for walks, and I work in my garden. I talk to my Internet friends. Every little bit helps. No one thing magically fixes everything and turns my life around, but every time I do something - take one step - I'm glad I did it.
Writing, music, drawing are also things I do to feel better.
You said you want to get up, dress up and do some part-time job. That doesn't just happen all at once. You take small steps. First step is to get up and get dressed. Then you take a step or two each day. Look for job postings. I don't know how you find jobs in Hungary. Maybe that's the first step - find out where to look for jobs. Learn how to look for jobs. Then learn what to do next. Maybe you write your CV or write an email, or make a phone call, or answer a "Help Wanted" ad. And know that each step is a victory. You did something. You exist. If you emailed a company, and they said, "No thank you," you did something. Be happy about it. This can be hard. A friend of mine has spent over a year working hard to find a job. She got one and then lost it because of health issues. So she kept looking. The same thing happened again, and she kept looking.
This is what I think, but I don't know you. If what I say doesn't help at all, ignore it. If something I wrote helps you, I'm happy.

My steps for today:

Zoom meeting with writers.
send Christmas cards.
Find present for husband.
write something. Done

Welcome Alive.

Where you are sucks. Getting out is tedious. Your first goal is to be seen and heard. To have your existence reflected back to you.

There are a pair of resources I'll share. Ignore or use as you wish.

#1. The Awareness, Courage, and Love Meetup in Seattle is a secular support group for adults. Anyone can take part. The facilitator has researched this for years and wants it to get known around the world. Online--Bridging the Family Divide During the Holidays | Meetup
#2. I also suggest you look into WRAP. I learned about it on PC, so try a search here for people with direct experience of using it.
"WRAP is . . . The Wellness Recovery Action Plan® or WRAP®, is a self-designed prevention and wellness process that anyone can use to get well, stay well and make their life the way they want it to be. It was developed in 1997 by a group of people who were searching for ways to overcome their own mental health issues and move on to fulfilling their life dreams and goals. It is now used extensively by people in all kinds of circumstances, and by health care and mental health systems all over the world to address all kinds of physical, mental health and life issues."
And keep posting your daily goals here. We'll see them/you.
Revu2

The Zoom meeting I mentioned was cancelled, and all the other items on my list were accomplished. (Except for a few cards.) A big deal for me since I was slipping into that state of thinking about what I want to do and actually doing nothing. A
A friend emailed me this quote:

It was about a Native American youth who was just entering into puberty. Being male the rush of testosterone, the weirdest drug of all, he went to his grandfather and explained that there were two wolves fighting within him. One was vicious, cruel, manipulative, without a sense of right or wrong, and was a liar and a coward when confronted. The other considered others, tried to make peace and avoid conflict and would only fight when cornered. The grandson complained that they were at war constantly. “Who do you think will win grandpa?” The old man patted his head and replied: “It will be the one that you feed.”

I think this quote works for all habits. The side that wins is the one you feed.

I'm going to change the quote just a bit. The first wolf is lazy, dreams about all the great things he/she will accomplish but not just now. Maybe after the sitcom is over and he/she has played just one more game of solitaire, etc., and then depression sets in and more TV, etc. The second wolf knows what he/she wants to get done, and sets about doing it. For me, the measly steps feed the active wolf. The thing to realize is that the wolf needs to be fed every day, not just once.

I had heard the wolf story before, but never saw how it applied to me. Your interpretation is spot on for me. My family always said i was lazy, but they also never gave me credit for what i did. I expended a lot of energy there, trying to balance things out. Now that i dont have them to deal with anymore, i can start to enjoy the fruits of active wolf's labors.

Thanks for your kind words. I am not sure so far as to what I could post here for the thread but it would be nice if I could. Talking sometimes actually helps me too, when it's done at the right time or something. The other two don't help



I had "friends"...... they would always leave though when I had a hard situation, it happened twice that I had a hard situation like that and for the second one, I just had enough of that and didn't want to talk to them again because of that

And yes, my mother is like that. But that's totally OK. She doesn't actually say "get over it", but the rest fits. But yeah it's OK, I'm glad she cares and tries to help as much as she can.


I'm not looking for anyone to magically fix anything for me



I already have remote work. My issue is not that. But as I described it already, I won't repeat myself. I don't want to be too much of a bother either with repeating myself



Some of it helped!





...

I don't want to add a new post for this, responding to your other one too


Ah cool story. I heard about the wolves before in the form of evil vs nice wolf... My bad wolf seems like my feeling bad about everything, about myself (subconsciously because I avoid it really hard), good wolf is the one that has vitality and positive energy instead and ...well I don't know how good wolf heals the injuries but that too.

Thank you too for the kind words & the links too of course. I can't do online groups if they use voice (I forgot to say that it needs to be all in writing, not voice) so I skipped that one (looked briefly). I looked at the WRAP page, I find this interesting:

"When Things are Breaking Down – List signs that let you know you are feeling much worse, like feeling sad all the time, or are hearing voices. Using your Wellness Toolbox, develop a powerful action plan to help you feel better as quickly as possible and prevent an even more difficult time.

Crisis Plan – Identify signs that let others know they need to take over responsibility for your care and decision making. Outline a plan for who you want to take over and support you through this time, healthcare, staying home, things others can do to help and things they might choose to do that would not be helpful. This kind of proactive advanced planning keeps you in control even when it seems like things are out of control. Visit the WRAP Info Center’s Crisis Planning Page."

This seems like, I have a crisis almost every day, after I get up in the morning, I start breaking down and into the crisis, or maybe the same crisis continues in the morning, after the previous day (if I'm lucky, then by the end of the previous day I was a bit better, if not then not).

I am not sure what I do with that if that's true....or if it's even realistic to want to take steps to do things if this is true. I don't know, is this making sense to you?

(I am going to read up on this WRAP stuff more, this is just what I looked at so far. I will be very interested in figuring out how to stop breaking down too much, yet not avoid and ignore my bad emotions because too much distraction and numbness is no good either....)

(Also: the below part is just me thinking out loud trying to figure out this steps thing. If I can feel like people are listening or reading it helps me think out loud, when I cannot think and figure out anything otherwise. But if this is too long or too negative for the thread...just tell me please)

I was thinking again that it would be nice if I could get as far as taking the step of telling my mother to ask me again if I'm going to try and work. I actually got as far lately as discussing with her to ask me to see if that helps me get out of my head where I fall so deep down, but when we tried it didn't help. ... So I tried this instead, I told her I was going to tell her when I'm starting and she can ask 1 hour later how well I managed to work. This was going to be my goal yesterday (it is past midnight now). But I fell too deep in my head and never got as far as telling her that "I'm starting now"... oh being deep in my head often just means I find some distraction from the horrible feelings but in the last few days I was working hard on NOT doing any distraction - it's been horrible and I could not do anything beyond trying to survive the horrible state. Maybe that is an actual step taken though. It did help when I got on this site and talked to people on the chat room (the chat room for emotional talk). After that no more of the horrible state for about one day or so. But I fell into it again yesterday (Sunday). I mean, yesterday I again did not do distraction, and was not feeling THAT extremely horrible like when I got on the chat here on Friday, but it was still very bad. So I was too deep in my head and couldn't get as far as telling my mother the above. I wanted to tell her at 5:30pm but then I just felt horrible and felt I was falling deeper and deeper in my head so I didn't tell her. When she went out at 6:30pm, I did work 11 minutes after that because I realised I was feeling even worse not having done anything/not having told her that I'm starting/and not having started. Somehow I had the energy to want to feel better. So I did work a little, I told myself it only has to be a little. That is something I only recently was able to accept. That I can maybe only do a little at a time without feeling too bad or drained from it. That did help me feel a little better!!, then I took a little rest and wanted to reward myself, but then I again had a bad moment coming up instead of fully enjoying myself, it was a really bad moment and it left me really tense and uneasy, so I again quit trying to start on work. Then I had dinner and finished a nice book, and relaxed slowly from the uneasiness. A couple hours later I tried to start again on work but I just fell really deep and then tried to get through that and I finally got good enough to get up and check this forum and post here. (I have to feel good enough to be able to come here)

So that is how the day went. I did also go and train (jog 15 minutes), that was a good part of the day. And I did get up early after a normal night's sleep. The day before was more of a success though, I travelled to another city and actually enjoyed working a little on the train for a change. That was the success part. I also read a book that I enjoyed. Finished the other one last night actually. (It is an improvement for me too, being able to read again & enjoy it. I couldn't for years)

I don't know, one thing that makes this really hard for me to create steps and then do the steps is that it's hard to even identify the actually workable steps. I mean, for my emotional or psychological well-being. It is easy to break down the morning routine into steps (steps for dressing up, breakfast etc), but with vague things like emotions, psychological well-being, I have a hard time seeing the steps for that. And then my lack of well-being gets in the way of doing more complex things like work or often gets in the way of simpler things too. (I'll see if WRAP helps with that)

So it's like I had steps in mind like, "start working at 9am (after breakfast)", or if I tried to tone down that step, then it would be "start trying to work at 9am (after breakfast)" or if I tried to tone it down even more (since all that would fail) it would be like "start trying to think of working after whenever I managed to eat breakfast (like, after having a normal night's sleep, getting up in time, dressing up.... or maybe not a full night's sleep, but some start to the day at least)".

I hope that makes sense. Let me know. If you think my issues are too big for me to even consider threads or groups like this one you have here, feel free to let me know about that too. I don't know, I've been doing my remote work for over 3 years by now, I'm just getting burned out because of how chaotic I've been having to do it (i.e. at night, pulling allnighters because I can feel better at night...or in worse cases maybe staying up all night before Icould feel good enough, then I'd start the work in the morning without sleep. Etc. I've burned out over this).

So it's not like I've been completely inactive or passive, but I'd just like a stable life and not continual crisis but a stable day, with a simple daily schedule, sleep at night, breakfast, some work, some rest, lunch, a little training, maybe a little more work, dinner, rest, relaxation, sleep... This would already be great for me now.

I'm coming from, having run races very fast, running a pretty fast marathon too in the past, to wanting to just do jogging 15 minutes, 3 times a week. I do it maybe once a week now, I did it last afternoon actually, but I couldn't for a couple of weeks before yesterday. Or, I used to have a good well-paying business, now I do the part-time remote work that pays way less per the hour. It is okay, I'm not complaining, just saying where I come from. So that is what I mean by, I'd be happy with something simple but stable where I'm able to do this without too much suffering. I am not looking at high ambitions for now.

I am sorry if this got long, I am just trying to figure out if I can even do this now as it is. Does this make sense?

I really really want some interaction or partner or group though where I could do something so I'm not just in my head. So even if I'm feeling worse than maybe most of you do on here, I don't know, I still want to do this part (have&do simple and actual and regularly done steps for goals).

Again, a daily goal now could have been, talk to my mother in the morning after breakfast... but I am having to stay up tonight because I couldn't talk to her last morning/afternoon so I have to stay up now and work a bit. And I couldn't start, I felt too bad. But at least I did no distraction, and writing this post also makes me feel like I am a bit better and can try and do the work now.

Anyway the daily goal is not going to be that for now, or I have to modify it. I will have to get up early to get a phone call done with her help, and then if I can survive without sleeping until the afternoon, I could ask her right after the phone call. And then based on that, do a little work. Then I could allow myself to catch up on the missing sleep, and then ask her again. Yes, I'd be glad if I could do this tomorrow. Assuming of course that I can finish my work fast enough tonight (so that I don't skip too much sleep).

Sorry if this is all over the place. I'm too tired to reorganise it. I need to do that work ASAP and then sleep.



PS: I realise the daily schedule I wrote down...it includes no human interaction, but the relaxation part can include it, except I lost all my IRL friends and I purposefully (and quite gradually...) quit all online talks with the online friends I had, because I knew it was just a distraction, not real relationships. So what is left is maybe spend some time with family members. That's not a lot, it's something though. I can't really talk to them though about the issues, only a little sometimes.

Hi Alive. Please unburden yourself. I'll pick through your thoughts to find the questions and your strengths.

This seems like, I have a crisis almost every day, after I get up in the morning, I start breaking down and into the crisis, or maybe the same crisis continues in the morning, after the previous day (if I'm lucky, then by the end of the previous day I was a bit better, if not then not).

I am not sure what I do with that if that's true....or if it's even realistic to want to take steps to do things if this is true. I don't know, is this making sense to you?

I think I get it. Carry on. …

STEP: I was thinking again that it would be nice if I could get as far as taking the step of telling my mother to ask me again if I'm going to try and work.

I actually got as far lately as discussing with her to ask me to see if that helps me get out of my head where I fall so deep down, but when we tried it didn't help. ... So I tried this instead, I told her I was going to tell her when I'm starting and she can ask 1 hour later how well I managed to work. This was going to be my goal yesterday (it is past midnight now). But I fell too deep in my head and never got as far as telling her that "I'm starting now"... oh being deep in my head often just means I find some distraction from the horrible feelings but in the last few days I was working hard on NOT doing any distraction -

… it's been horrible and I could not do anything beyond trying to survive the horrible state. Maybe that is an actual step taken though.

Yes, a win.

It did help when I got on this site and talked to people on the chat room (the chat room for emotional talk). After that no more of the horrible state for about one day or so.

WHOA. Chats? Why not? This could be a fantastic idea, no? There’s got to be a chat going on somewhere around the clock.

Somehow I had the energy to want to feel better. So I did work a little, I told myself it only has to be a little. That is something I only recently was able to accept. That I can maybe only do a little at a time without feeling too bad or drained from it. That did help me feel a little better!!, …

(I have to feel good enough to be able to come here)

This may related to your thread question. Maybe search out a thread close to this experience.

So that is how the day went. I did also go and train (jog 15 minutes), that was a good part of the day.

STRENGTH: Exercise. Motivation.

I travelled to another city and actually enjoyed working a little on the train for a change. That was the success part. I also read a book that I enjoyed. Finished the other one last night actually. (It is an improvement for me too, being able to read again & enjoy it. I couldn't for years)

STRENGTH: Returning to Reading.

I don't know, one thing that makes this really hard for me to create steps and then do the steps is that it's hard to even identify the actually workable steps. I mean, for my emotional or psychological well-being. It is easy to break down the morning routine into steps (steps for dressing up, breakfast etc), but with vague things like emotions, psychological well-being, I have a hard time seeing the steps for that. And then my lack of well-being gets in the way of doing more complex things like work or often gets in the way of simpler things too. (I'll see if WRAP helps with that)

You ran a string of GOAL STATEMENTs:

** I'd just like a stable life and not continual crisis but a stable day, with a simple daily schedule, sleep at night, breakfast, some work, some rest, lunch, a little training, maybe a little more work, dinner, rest, relaxation, sleep... This would already be great for me now.

** I'd be happy with something simple but stable where I'm able to do this without too much suffering. I am not looking at high ambitions for now.

** I really really want some interaction or partner or group though where I could do something so I'm not just in my head.

I'm sensing YOU. Send us a small set of goals, whenever.
Revu2