[(JD)]

http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org...3/chap3_2.html

<font color="blue">If you know what you want to be, you are more likely to be it. Therefore, we start with a chapter on values, morals, life goals, aspirations, dreams, wanna-bes, etc.

Why We Need Values and Morals

It is important to carefully consider your values for several reasons:<ul type="square">[*] (1) they could guide your life minute by minute towards noble goals, rather than your life being controlled by self-serving motives, customs, accidental occurrences, bad habits, impulses, or emotions. You have to know where you are going before you can get there.
[*] (2) Values and morals can not only guide but inspire and motivate you, giving you energy and a zest for living and for doing something meaningful.
[*] (3) Sensitivity to a failure to live up to your basic values may lead to unproductive guilt or to constructive self-dissatisfaction which motivates you to improve.
[*] (4) High values and some success meeting those goals are necessary for high self-esteem.
[*] (5) Professed but unused values are worthless or worse--phony goodness and rationalizations for not changing. We must be honest with ourselves, recognizing the difference between pretended (verbalized) values and operational (acted on) values.[/list]
Of course, no one lives up to all their ideals, but values that only make us look or feel good (including being religious) and do not help us act more morally must be recognized as self-serving hypocrisy.

[Junerain]

I think of the last car accident I was in (kind of, caused... )
I could have driven away....no one knew I caused it....but I didn't.....I am proud of myself...it's the little decisions that shape us, our moral fabric of our lives....

[(JD)]

There ya go! That's exactly the right thing to do, and hopefully you won't ever experience that again, but if you do, it will be even easier to do the right thing.

[teejai]

What's the beep point of having morals and values? Both the UK and US are turning into a a barbarians paradise where the disadvantaged and ill/disabled are increasingly treated like pariahs by sociopathic governments who would rather waste billions on IRAQ rather than treat their own most vulnerable and disadvantaged in a caring/compassionate and civilised manner.

"WELCOME TO THE FOURTH REICH. ALL THOSE FOUND TO BE CARING AND DECENT WILL BE CURED WITH ZYKLON B"

[curley]

Teejai says </font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
What's the beep point of having morals and values? Both the UK and US are turning into a a barbarians paradise where the disadvantaged and ill/disabled are increasingly treated like pariahs by sociopathic governments who would rather waste billions on IRAQ rather than treat their own most vulnerable and disadvantaged in a caring/compassionate and civilised manner.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> This is one of the big reasons morals are so important I understand the frustration, but where would we be if we all gve up good morals and standards. I can not imagine a worse place then that. As it is people have given up much of the goodness and respect etc for others.

[(JD)]

<font color="blue">Thus, self-help is not just for overcoming problems; it also involves learning to become what you truly value, achieving your greatest potential. That is why your values and strengths should be considered along with your problems. For every fault or weakness you want to lose, you have a valuable strength to gain; for every crude emotion to control, you have an opposing good feeling to experience; for every awkwardness, a helpful skill to acquire; for every denial, a truth to be found.

Optimally, you will identify your problems, as in chapter 2, but also decide on lofty goals that are worthy of your life. I would like to help you find out where you truly want to go. Then, I hope you and I become sufficiently discontent with our shortcomings and dedicated to our highest goals so that we are motivated to achieve our greatest potential. Trying to be good is important, perhaps more important than solving personal problems. Both are self-help.

Moral development teachers often say that becoming moral requires enough emotional development to feel guilty when we do wrong, enough social development to accept our responsibility for behaving in agreed upon ways towards our group, and enough cognitive development to be able to place ourselves in another person's shoes.

But just because you develop some of these qualities, it doesn't guarantee that you will develop a wise and effective philosophy of life.

[teejai]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
curley said:
This is one of the big reasons morals are so important I understand the frustration, but where would we be if we all gve up good morals and standards. I can not imagine a worse place then that. As it is people have given up much of the goodness and respect etc for others.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I guess deep down i accept and see what you are saying but 'morality' can be a very arbitrary thing.

For example condemning a person for having being driven to steal out of genuine need and necessity (not talking materialistic greed here) and yet not condemning the very adverse social factors that can lead to such a course of action in the first place.

[Rapunzel]

There is a need both for law (or morals & values) and for compassion and understanding. Either without the other leads to tragedy and disaster. Balancing them is tricky.

[teejai]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Rapunzel said:
There is a need both for law (or morals & values) and for compassion and understanding. Either without the other leads to tragedy and disaster. Balancing them is tricky.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

The law and morality are not always cut from the same cloth . Sometimes the law is about maintaining the status quo as opposed to being ethical.

I'm not sure which is worse having no regard for the law even when it's just or believing laws are there to be obeyed irrespective of how ethical/moral they might be.

[(JD)]

I think to try and decide national issues is too large a scope of emphasis. This is mainly for SELF HELP, as the forum, and the book explains. Deciding your own levels of morality and values....?
<font color="blue">

Are we Americans becoming more moral? Perhaps in some ways. Reportedly, more and more people are volunteering to help the poor, the sick, and the elderly. For the first 80 years of this century, US citizens have gradually paid more taxes (that is doing good!) but more recently political conservatives have been encouraging us to hate taxes.

In addition, there is a lot of evidence we are backsliding morally, e.g. a few years ago 9 out of 10 defense contractors were under criminal investigation. In 1990, when tax payers were required to give the Social Security numbers for every dependent, seven million names disappeared!

A nation-wide survey by Ralph Wexler of the Institute of Ethics indicates that 1/3 of high schoolers and 1/6 of college students admit stealing something in the last year. Over 1/3 said they would lie on their resume to get a job. Over 1/2 of college students admit cheating in some way, over 60% say they would cheat on an important test. Other surveys show that 8 out of 10 high school students admit cheating.

Likewise, 1/4 Americans think it is okay to cheat on their auto insurance, 30%-50% think goofing off at work is okay, 1 in 6 use drugs on the job, and 1/3 to 1/2 cheat on their spouses. Almost 60% of American adults have used force against another person; 7% say they would kill someone if paid enough; 25% would abandon their families for money (Etzioni, 1993).

Furthermore, Wexler says only 2% of students get caught cheating because teachers don't watch carefully; therefore, maybe crime does pay and maybe honesty is, in some ways, not always the best policy from a selfish point of view.
http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org...3/chap3_4.html

[(JD)]

<font color="purple">[b]Immoral behavior comes from somewhere. Our current environment is not highly moral or supportive of morality and our society doesn't seem to know what to do about these permissive conditions. About 20% of high schoolers feel a lot of peer pressure to do something wrong.

About 80% of teens think schools should teach basic values; yet, 90% of them are already "satisfied" with their values (Ansley & McCleary, 1992) and probably don't want to think seriously about values. In general, many adults fail to provide good role models.

Psychology Today (August, 1997) reported a survey showing that about half of American workers did something unethical at work that year--padding the expense account, stealing property, lying about what they did or did not do, using sick days inappropriately, etc. Even at the highest levels, half of the top executives admit they are willing to "fudge" figures to look good.

More than that, a whopping 75% of MBA students say they would be willing to distort the facts to make company profits look higher. This lack of moral restraint, according to Secretan (1998), is epidemic in the workplace. He says we can change that. Buford & Whalin (1997) take a different approach, namely, change your goals in mid-life from success to significance. Still others suggest simplifying your life by doing what really matters (Aumiller, 1995).

[(JD)]

<font color="blue">[b]In any case, all of us face temptations frequently to be dishonest
and almost all of us could improve our moral behavior in some way.

Avoiding being immoral is a very worthy endeavor; however, it is
important to realize the immense gap from being "just barely on the
side of the law," i.e. on the edge between moral and immoral, to being
highly ethical and noble.

We can't all be like Mother Teresa or Albert Schweitzer,
but we can recognize the highest levels of ethics humans
are capable of achieving. It must, in some cases, require a long and
hard struggle to get there.

Examples: the parents who sacrifice greatly
so their children can have advantages they didn't have. The merchant
who works hard 12-hour days to be sure his/her customers are given
the best possible service, not just to make money. The soldier who
gives his leg, his sight, or his life to protect others. The caring person
who takes a needy child to raise. The person who undergoes great
personal loses in order to right a wrong or to fight for a worthy cause.
It is a giant leap from deciding to tell the truth on your resume about
your grades or work experience to devoting your life to a civil rights
cause, fighting on the side of the oppressed against an abusive
authority, opposing daily the wanton destruction of the earth, etc., etc.

It takes great self-control to transform your self from the lowest level
of just barely acceptable morality to the highest level.

But who can say that we can't all do it?

http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org...3/chap3_5.html

[(JD)]

<font color="green">It isn't just that so many wrong things are being done, it is an
equal problem that so many right things are not being done. There are
facts we can't deny (and remain moral), such as one billion people are
illiterate (and it is estimated that could be corrected with 7 billion
dollars, a small part of our federal budget). Likewise, 841 million
people, one out of every five, are hungry (and we have surplus food).

The median income of black families is lower than the income of 92%
of white families. About 45% of Americans regularly attend church
(36% think God has actually spoken to them), but Americans give less
than 2% of their income to charity. So, don't think the world is fair and
that most social problems are being taken care of adequately

[(JD)]

<font color="green">It isn't just that so many wrong things are being done, it is an
equal problem that so many right things are not being done. There are
facts we can't deny (and remain moral), such as one billion people are
illiterate (and it is estimated that could be corrected with 7 billion
dollars, a small part of our federal budget). Likewise, 841 million
people, one out of every five, are hungry (and we have surplus food).

The median income of black families is lower than the income of 92%
of white families. About 45% of Americans regularly attend church
(36% think God has actually spoken to them), but Americans give less
than 2% of their income to charity. So, don't think the world is fair and
that most social problems are being taken care of adequately

"Just in case you believe that great social problems are beyond your scope, consider this
story: God said to me: Your task is to build a better world. I answered: How can I do that?
The world is such a large, vast place, so complicated now, and I am so small and useless.
There's nothing I can do. But God in his great wisdom said: Just build a better you.
-Anonymous"

[(JD)]

<font color="purple">
In chapter 14 under "helpful attitudes," I discuss the psychological
benefits of a deep religious faith. For some people, the benefits are
great and difficult to replace. However, because belief in a God is an
emotional matter, not a rational process, it is not an issue we can
decide by just "using our head."

It is a conflict within each of us between the solace of total faith
vs. the satisfaction of facing reality.

In our culture, we can't openly debate the existence of God with most
people; it is too emotional an issue. Many people can't even privately
consider the pros and cons of believing in God; doubts are thought to
offend God. Therefore, if religion and God are deeply established parts
of your life's meaning, count your blessings but be tolerant of people
who chose a slightly different life path. They are not evil.

On the other hand, if your thoughts lead you to question
God's existence, do not despair but ask yourself: what are the
implications for how I would live my life? Among many other
things, I would suggest this--if God isn't ruling the world, seeing
that justice is done, taking care of needy people, guiding our
priests and leaders, answering prayers, rewarding the good, etc.,
then each of us shoulders more of the responsibility for those
things.

In short, without God, the meaning of life may shift slightly
but our lives could become more meaningful because without an
omnipotent God each individual must assume more responsibility
for what happens. Therefore, the development of your own
philosophy of life is even more important because only humans can
learn to save the environment, live in peace, love one another,
help the poor and disadvantaged, help ourselves, etc. It will not be
easy to do all that we morally should.

[(JD)]

[b]Everyone needs a philosophy of life. Mental health is based on the tension between what
you are and what you think you should become. You should be striving for worthy goals.
Emotional problems arise from being purposeless.
-Victor Frankl (1970)

Why it is hard to deal with values

In contrast with the next chapter on how to eliminate unwanted
habits, dealing with values is fraught with special pitfalls. For example:
There is little research about which values yield the greatest
good for the greatest number of people or about how to change one's
own values or about how to live in accordance with one's basic values.
Few candles have been lit here, thus far. My discipline, psychology,
has not contributed much to our becoming a moral, compassionate
society.

Our best thinkers have not even decided the content and
structure of values--what the hell is involved? See Schwartz and Bilsky
(1987). LeShan (1993) tries to explain our failure to reduce wars and
crime or to increase fairness and justice. One might speculate that
many people do not want to research values, preferring to believe
their values are the best.

Most of us have little help in developing a philosophy of life.
Values tend to be picked out in a haphazard, piece-meal fashion from
friends, parents, the media, teachers, popular heroes, and clergy in
that order (Behavior Today, Feb., 1981, p. 8); therefore, values are
frequently contradictory and not logically connected with how we
actually behave. For example, we accept the Golden Rule (do unto
others as you would have them do unto you) but at the same time we
struggle for money and "the good life" for ourselves without much
consideration of the needs of others.

We say we value honesty butcheat on our exams (up to 67%), on our income taxes (38%), and
deceive our best friend (33%). We claim to value being understanding
and forgiving but sometimes become nasty and revengeful. We
supposedly value hard work but procrastinate. We seek a devoted
partner but are unfaithful (45%), etc., etc. (Psychology Today, Nov.
1981, pp 34-50). There are many moral decisions made by each of us
every day and always new moral dilemmas to resolve, mostly on our
own without help.

Perhaps because many people equate values and religion (yet, I
hope it is obvious to you that a person can have very high values--
honesty, loving, giving--without having any religious beliefs in God or
salvation at all), a discussion of our values may be considered an
invasion of our privacy and our personal religious beliefs. Asking a
person why he/she holds a particular moral opinion is encroaching on
sacred ground reserved exclusively for "persons of the cloth" and God.
The place inside where we store our values and our conscience is a
scary place to which we invite few people, resenting those who intrude
and question our values or preach to us.

Perhaps, values are a touchytopic because our own guilty conscience,
when aroused, can hurt us.
It is true that many people loosely "expect" their religion to keep them
moral, but, on the other hand, insist that religion shouldn't get too
deeply involved in their "private" behavior or challenge their
rationalizations for selfish, immoral behavior. Most importantly, I think
we avoid discussing our values because we are unsure of them and
afraid our self-serving denials and illusions will be revealed by an open
airing of our beliefs.

[(JD)]

http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org...3/chap3_7.html For those needing the current reference to drclay's free reading online ebook.

Sky,
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Over 1/2 of college students admit cheating in some way, over 60% say they would cheat on an important test. Other surveys show that 8 out of 10 high school students admit cheating.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I have taught for 12 years and have to say that if students are cheating that it can't always be attributed to a lack of morality. I have "caught" quite a few students cheating over the years. However, I don't send them to the office or write a referral. Just this month, I saw that a student who was taking his spelling test had his list of words in his desk. After the test, I spoke with him and asked him if there was anything he'd like to tell me. He was reluctant at first, but then opened up and admitted that he cheated. He told me that he was afraid that he was going to disappoint his mother (who has been really sick due to an accident). His mother hasn't been able to give him the needed attention due to her sickness which has caused him not to be as diligent in his homework habits. I told him that he could study the rest of the day and gave him the test at the end of the day. He made an 'A' and was able to take this home to his mother. For teacher appreciation week, he wrote me a card that said, "I love what you did for me with that Spelling test." Yes, he is only in 2nd grade now. However, instead of judging him I looked beyond his behavior and I know that the way I handled it shaped his behavior in a way that no punishment could.

I also know of a high school student who was being abused by an older man who cheated on a test (this happened quite a few years ago). This was totally out of character for her. She was sent to the office, humiliated and punished for her actions. Not ONE person took the time to see beyond this behavior. Maybe she really could have been helped if someone had been empathic instead of judgmental.

I just wanted to point out that there is a reason people do things. I think it is more difficult to figure out the reasons why and try to get at the root of the problem than to attribute their behavior to a lack of values/morality.

I'm sorry if this sounds argumentative, but this is an issue that is very personal to me in which I've had a lot of experience. I hope others can learn from this

Thanks!

[(JD)]

Thank you for your reply.

Morals, values, and character ARE what you do when no one is looking, regardless of what you are going through. They are the basis one relys upon for proper behavior. There will always be an excuse for one who fails to hold to a general acceptable level of morality. It's when everyone's excuse is allowable that the level of morality and our value system deteriorates, imo.

A student who fails to study, needs to realize that there are consequences for that, regardless of the reason, though the reason may be quite "acceptable" it never warrants bad behavior. That's what morality is all about.

What repercussions occur because of bad behavior, which in your case of being a teacher is in your hands, is all important. At that point you can weigh the excuses, but still must enforce the consequences or the students will be taught that with a good enough excuse, an action is okay. When a majority of the society have learned that, then the mores of society also begin to deteriorate.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
A student who fails to study, needs to realize that there are consequences for that, regardless of the reason, though the reason may be quite "acceptable" it never warrants bad behavior. That's what morality is all about.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

If you address the reason that the student is failing to study, if you accept the child for who he is, not who you would like him to be, if you don't try to fit children into a box, then a miraculous thing happens. These children start to develop self esteem and a sense of self-worth. If you love them unconditionally (as a teacher), they will start to trust you and want to please you. It is at that point that you can help them find out who they really are and who they want to be. Sure, you can shape their behavior by giving them a negative consequence. However, I prefer to do more than shape behavior.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
At that point you can weigh the excuses, but still must enforce the consequences or the students will be taught that with a good enough excuse, an action is okay.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I disagree with your stated method. Nothing is in black and white. I've had students who know nothing more than negative consequences for their "bad behaviors" including abuse. Is that a good enough excuse? I can't tell you how devastating it is to know what kind of life some children live. I've seen a lot and I know that I am doing the right thing when it comes to them. Of course, I differentiate. I would and have given negative consequences for cheating if it is warranted. However, I prefer to build them up. I prefer to show them that it is okay to make mistakes. I know from experience that they learn more from positive interactions and helping them understand the reasons for doing certain actions than delivering punitive consequences.

I have different views as to the definitions of morals, values, and character. I don't think you can clearly define them (maybe in a BROAD, general sense) due to the fact that people have their own ideas and definitions.

[(JD)]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
I have different views as to the definitions of morals, values, and character.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I understand that.

The excerpts are from drclay's online e-book, which is the purpose of this forum.

[(JD)]

<font color="darkblue">
From my teaching, I have an illustration of how the human mind
protects its beliefs: I have indicated many times in many ways to my
students that I have doubts about God. Although thousands have
come to ask me about other concerns, not one student has ever
approached me to find out more about my reasons for doubting God or
my explanation of peoples' beliefs in God. Quite a few have come to
"save" me, but they only wanted to talk, not listen. When was the last
time you heard of a church inviting an atheist or agnostic to join them
in discussing the existence of God? We maintain many of our beliefs by
avoiding questions and doubts, by closing our minds. Perhaps closed-
mindedness is a good coping mechanism in terms of religious beliefs,
but I doubt if a locked mind is the best processor of ideas to guide our
lives. It is hard to even help yourself, if you have a mind that is afraid
to think.
A leading researcher of values, Milton Rokeach (1973), believes
that it is often necessary to become dissatisfied with yourself before
you will change your behavior, attitudes, or values. That makes sense,
but it means one has to (a) create a problem (self-dissatisfaction) in
order to (b) solve a problem of morals (e.g. becoming more
considerate). Naturally, we will be tempted to take the easy way out
and avoid dealing with both "problems," but this chapter will try to
stimulate and confront our thinking in such a way that each of us can
arrive at a consistent, meaningful, just, and motivating set of values to
live by, day by day. If we are successful, however, each of us will
surely feel some uneasiness during the process of clarifying our
values. That is to be expected.

http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org...3/chap3_7.html

[(JD)]

continuing...<font color="darkblue">

As you know, there is a bewildering assortment of values thrust
upon each of us, e.g. by family, religion, teachers, friends, ads, media,
movies, music, etc. And, many people and groups take their beliefs
and values very seriously. They are certain they are right. If you reject
their beliefs, you may encounter serious, real threats, e.g. "you'll burn
in hell" or "get out of my house" or "you'll never be happy" or "how
can you look yourself in the mirror?" or "that will end our relationship."
This is playing hard ball. Sometimes, especially when the other
person's values and purposes have not been clearly revealed to you
early in the relationship, their moral judgments, rejection, and threats
can be very powerful. I will not deceive you about my beliefs nor will
I attack your beliefs. I want you to know that I have doubts about the
existence of a God, but there are certain values I believe in, especially
the Golden Rule or caring for others (a central theme of most
religions). I offer no threats if you don't believe as I do, instead I offer
my understanding because philosophies are hard decisions... and may
strip us of comfortable self-delusions and lead us to a hard life. I can
not even assure you that I am certain about my own ideas regarding
values, but as Mahatma Gandhi said about his beliefs, "they appear to
be absolutely correct, and seem for the time being to be final. For if
they were not, I should base no action on them." I have done my
homework; I only ask that you consider my opinions. Your beliefs are
always your choice (so long as they don't hurt others.)

Lastly, our philosophy of life and the meaning we find in life
may change as we go though life. We mature, we learn, our needs
change, we have new relationships, our jobs make new demands on
us, we have children, we are successful, we fail, we approach death.
These things change our values. Changes in values usually result from
conflicts: we act in ways we don't value, we see another viewpoint, we
recognize inconsistencies among our values, we are pressured to
change our values by others, and so on. In many of these conflicts,
such as individual freedom vs. responsibility for others or happiness
vs. achievement, there are persuasive arguments on both sides. The
lady symbolizing justice carries a balance scale. Such a scale
constantly moves because reasoning and the weight of moral
arguments constantly changes. But logic and moral judgment are not
the only factors changing our values. More important may be
rationalizations, biased self-protective thinking, emotional personal
needs, and even unconscious factors. So, to have true wisdom about
our values requires knowledge and reasoning skills, awareness of our
irrationality, insight into our emotions, and some probing of our
unconscious. That is hard.

[(JD)]

<font color="blue">

http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org...3/chap3_8.html

The Golden Rule
Religions claim to be the source of our values and morals. These
may often be false claims, because the values are older than the
religions, because many religions claim the same ideas, and because
several studies provide no evidence that religious people are more
caring, loving, generous, or helpful than non-religious people (Kohn,
1989). (Kohn cites evidence that religious folks are, on average, more
intolerant of minorities.)

Perhaps the rewards of religions--salvation,
nirvana, reincarnation--are their big attractions, not their demanding
guidelines for being good. Yet, being reminded of what is good,
hopefully will nudge us in the right direction.

"The golden rule," so called because it is the highest rule of life,
is an important part of most religions. It is expressed in slightly
different ways:

General wording: "Do unto others as you would have them do
unto you."
Jesus Christ in the Sermon on the Mount: "Therefore all things
whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so
to them."
(Matthew 7:12)
Judaism: "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." (Leviticus
19:18)
Islam: "No one of you is a believer until he loves for his brother
what he loves for himself."
Note: Traditions interpret the Golden Rule in different ways, however. The above
statements say DO SOMETHING! About 1000 to 3000 years before Jesus and
Muhammad, there were both positive and negative (DON'T DO) versions of the golden rule:
Confucianism: "What you do not want done to yourself, do not
do to others." (Analects 15:23)
Buddhism: "Hurt not others with that which pains yourself."
(Udanavarga 5:18)
Hinduism: "Good people proceed while considering that what is
best for others is best for themselves." (Hitopadesa)

Note: Somewhat related values are expressed by secular groups:
Humanists: "Every person has dignity and worth, and,
therefore, should command the respect of every other person."

(This is in contrast to medieval scholars who taught that life on
earth was to be despised and that humans were sinful
creatures who should be devoting their lives to getting into
heaven.)
Communist motto: "From each according to his ability, to each
according to his needs."
Indian saying: "Don't judge others until you have walked in
their moccasins.

[(JD)]

http://www.psychologicalselfhelp.org...3/chap3_9.html
<font color="blue">
Understanding Why We Need Meaning in Our Lives:
What's Religion's Role?

Baumeister (1991), in an impressive psychological and historical
analysis, says that four basic needs push us to find meaning in our
lives. If all four are satisfied, we feel life is meaningful; otherwise, we
feel somewhat dissatisfied. [*]<ul type="square">
These needs are[*] (1) to have purpose--
striving for something in the future. You may seek goals (good job,
children, retirement) or fulfillment (happiness, pride, how we imagine
we will feel when we reach our worthy goals).
[*](2) A need to have
value --wanting to be seen as good and justified in our actions. Moral
systems, like the Golden Rule, originally enabled us to live together
with some degree of harmony.
[*](3) A need for efficacy --feeling
effective, capable, in control, and that we have made or will make a
difference. Humans even need and strive for illusions of control; a
myth reduces distress.
[*](4) A need for self-worth-- finding a basis for
feeling positive about their lives. The more of these sources of self-
esteem we have, the more secure we are. (But, excessive demands on
the "self" for meaning causes depression.) Unfortunately, self-worth
often involves trying to feel superior to someone or groups of others,
thus, for example, the poor southern white male in 1860 felt superior
to the black slave and fought, in part, to maintain his status (see
chapters 7 and 9 for many examples of chauvinism).

These four needs (and their causes) combine with our life experiences (our culture, our
family rules, our religion, and our friends' views) to produce our
personal value system and the meaning attached to our life.[/list]