*sighs* Please reply. I'm in need of some support... *triggering*

look you have no clue what goes through my mind or why i do certain things ok?
so stop assuming.
its not just fear of intimicy.
yeah may be part of it but
its just fear all together
i dont even know what it clearly is
just leave me alone please if youre going to post with just "okay"?... what is the point in that?

you did the same thing here:
so maybe you could give us an idea of why you did it, and also take a guess at why sannah did it.

no one here is trying to hurt or belittle you, pupp. but at the same time, we (or most of us) aren't therapists. so we can only guess at what you feel, because most of us have been in similar places to where you are now.

it is ok if what we are saying isn't helping you. you are allowed to say that. but it would be helpful if you could say what exactly you mean by "support". right now, a lot of us are guessing (and trying the best that we can), but apparently we keep getting it wrong.

if you could say "i just want hugs", or "i just want someone to hear me", or "i just want someone to say 'poor pupp'", - or whatever it is you REALLY want, then it would help us a lot in being able to support you.

ppl here do care, pupp. but it is difficult to know how to respond in a way that you will find helpful.

right now i want people to stop assuming what it is going on with me. i hate when people do that.

and i said uh ok because someone posted in my thread for support talking about themselves. no support at all.

Which seems to be worse -- when they guess way off, or when they guess too close?

neither.
assuming at all is just plain annoying.
why cant people ask?

why can't you just tell? (i'm being cheeky here, pupp - not meaning to stir you ).

but it's like - just to take an example - when i offered you a hug a few pages back, you replied that you were unsure about receiving it. that is ok.

i guess a lot of us have found it useful to identify why we feel ambivalent about those sorts of things. for me, it really is a fear of intimacy (or used to be. i love hugs now. i demand them from everyone, gimme gimme!! ).

so maybe us guessing isn't helping you, or is "annoying" you. i would be interested to know why you find it hard to accept something like a hug, which is given in support. is it the physical element, or is the fact that support itself is being offered? do you think you can break it down to help me understand?

eta: just wanted to add - i don't want to waste your time (or mine) trying to offer support or help in a way that isn't useful to you. if you would prefer me not to reply here at all, then i would really appreciate if you could tell me that. i won't be offended, i'll just see it as pupp being assertive about her needs/wants and think that's a great thing! but if it is ok with you for me to keep posting here, please try to understand that i'm only trying my best and i will most probably say things which you find "annoying"? i'm not doing it to hurt you, it's just that i don't have a clear picture of how i can best support you just yet. so i'll also need you to cut me some slack - appreciate that the sentiment is there, even if i'm wildly of the mark.

i dont mind you posting at all...

i guess i fear both...
i dontknow anymore.
i fear intimicy but i also fear support and people helping me.
i fear...
i fear love i guess too.
i fear a lot im a baby. -.-
put my walls up. so used to them being there. push people away. dont want them to deep inside. but cant really stop myself from doing it. its like a reaction/?? does this make sense?

i really want to hurt myself right now.
im crying little tears right now but can feel them ready to run down my face and not stop.
cant cope with this for goodness sake.

This makes total sense Pupp. You have an opportunity here now to work on this reaction that you have. I suspect that this reaction affects you quite a bit IRL too. I assume you can understand how this reaction can cause problems for you? We here are much more patient than people IRL.

Yeah it does affect me a lot in person. But well, yeah.
And I have a tutor who is extremely patient with me. She won a teaching award in special educational needs a few weeks ago. She is amazing. She's been my tutor for 2 and a half years. She's very patient, very compassionate, warm, gentle heart, lovely, kind, beautiful soul... But I'm leaving this Thursday... it's heartbreaking for us both... she said she's never worked so closely with someone before... we are extremely close but my walls do present a bad difficulty, she knows I have difficulties, and she knows I also have difficulties controlling myself, but she doesn't hold it against me.
She cares for me and she's just... well, one in a million to put in short... which is why leaving my school is so hard on me amongst other reasons... *sighs*

But yeah, she's probably one of the very few people in person who are extremely patient with me and more so patient than people who I've met on here.

Anyway.
*shrugs*
Hm.

(((((((((( pupp )))))))))))

(hope hugs are ok)

Pupp, I'm not sure how many more times that I am going to let you slap me...................

erm, I'm not on about you, gosh, I'm on about some people who've just completely hurt me and left me.

Just don't post if you're not going to be helpful. I don't need this right now.

This is a perfect example of how members' read a generalization made with no specifics and can assume that the comment was made about them. For this reason, we have guidelines that we work within so that upset doesn't happen and the community as a whole does not suffer or feel singled out.

Because it is so easy for people to feel singled out by such a generalization, the guidelines state:

Pupp, you did really well explaining how you were feeling and why. I know you don't want people to assume things about you. We are not mindreaders and when members offer you support, even if it's not what you are looking for or needing, they are giving of themselves to you with the "intent" of being supportive in the best way they can.

I truly hope you can continue to explain what you are looking for and how you are feeling. The more you can do that, the less people will have to assume anything about you and hopefully, the less you will be frustrated with their responses

With respect
sabby

and here I would say they were letting you know that you are not alone -sometimes thats all a person in pain can do - reach out and let you know you are not alone - I know it helps me to know I am not alone - alone is a scary place for me to be.

I hope you are doing a bit better - take care

*hugs for pupp*

*hugs for sannah*

thank you sabby and P7 for your guidance and gentle reframing.

"on here" = computer.
Not just PC.

But to be honest I'd be lying if I say people on PC haven't hurt me and left me, so on here means both.
As PC is on the computer.

ok, pupp, but when you say something general like that, it is difficult not to assume it is directed at particular people. sannah and i were both replying to you at the time, so i will admit i was wondering if you meant to include me in that also. which is why i stopped replying, because you've made it very clear that you do not want replies from people you do not think are helpful.

i find it really nice when i try to offer support to other people and they tell me what i am doing that is helpful. it makes me want to help them more. i always try to thank people who have tried to support me, because i know they are doing it out of kindness. just a small acknowledgement that some people are doing things "right", or even if it isn't "right" that at least they are trying... i find it goes a long way in making ppl want to help me in the future.

Okay, well, don't post anymore.
I see this thread has taken it's roll.
I'm done on this thread.
But yeh, feel free to carry on posting though, I'm just not going to respond anymore.
I can't seem to do anything right.
I'm going through an extremely difficult time but yeah. Whatever huh?.

am i now going to be one of those people who "hurt" you and "left" you?

because i am still offering to stay and help. i just want to clarify whether you're the one asking me to leave.

Gosh quit it already!
I have been extremely hurt by people who call themselves my "friends" in the past, and they've left. Don't know why hurt and left are in "'s because it has happened.

I was simply saying I at least have someone in person who's more patient than some people on the computer. She's amazing to me. Unlike people both in person and on here. I was just sharing how amazing she is. What she's done, how she is. And saying that I do have someone in person who's like that. But tomorrow, I'm leaving school, and won't have her anymore! Great!

I'm so sick of people assuming so much about me and twisting things around, all I want right now is support!
I'm going through so ******* much right now and it's just one thing after another!
What exactly do I have to do to get support?
Actually, I can see I don't even deserve support, so forget it.
Yes, this is me saying forget it. See?