[tmac87]

Okay well I was back in the hospital again and the doctor didn't listen to me(once again). I swear they must want me to self-harm because they always think that it is for attention. If only they understood the half of it. Lately it seems like nobody understands what I am feeling and going through. So I also told my T that right now isn't the right time to be doing trauma therapy and she told me that this is the best time. Ummmm how about not. This life just makes me want to give up. The ONLY thing that is keeping me alive right now is my daughter, but soon she won't be my daughter she will be a different families daughter. I spend so many nights wondering when will it end???? I don't know what is going to help me stay alive after I give birth I am already depressed I am so much more of a risk to suicide becasue of the MDD and after I give birth it will be even worse with postpartum depression. I don't know how much more that I can take. I have one person telling me that the depression is all in my head (my adoptive mom) and then I have a (medical doctor) another person telling me that its a chemical imbalance. Who do I believe the MD or the one who tryed to raise me???? I feel so alone. I am in to much pain emotionally. I am so on the verge of losing my cool along with my mind. I use to care about my life and getting my GED and going to church now I don't care about any of them I could accually care less about them. I am hopeless along with helpless. The only thing that really seemed to help me was the ECT treatments. I tryed all day not to salf harm but in the end I ended up self harming. I am such a freakin' loser I cant even not self harm myself.

[ickydog2006]

You said you use to care about going to church. Have you considered talking to a pastor about this. I'm sorry that you haven't been able to find someone irl who understands. It's not fair that medical practitioners have so little training in this area. Also, look into Celebrate Recovery. There might be one near you and they will understand the feelings you're going through. They have been the most supportive family for me. I went to the chemical addiction group because they were the ones who understood what I was going through. Cutting is like a drug for most of us and you really need the support. If you can't find a Celebrate Recovery you may want to consider going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Most of them will understand your feelings too.

I'm so sorry that people who you should be able to trust are letting you down. Hang in there.

[tmac87]

Originally Posted by ickydog2006

You said you use to care about going to church. Have you considered talking to a pastor about this. I'm sorry that you haven't been able to find someone irl who understands. It's not fair that medical practitioners have so little training in this area. Also, look into Celebrate Recovery. There might be one near you and they will understand the feelings you're going through. They have been the most supportive family for me. I went to the chemical addiction group because they were the ones who understood what I was going through. Cutting is like a drug for most of us and you really need the support. If you can't find a Celebrate Recovery you may want to consider going to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Most of them will understand your feelings too.

I'm so sorry that people who you should be able to trust are letting you down. Hang in there.

Thank you I will most definetly look into that program. Its funny that you mention the AA meetings because I am reading a book on the 12 steps right now. Although I dont always understand it I try to make the best I can out of these books. By the way I dont know if you have any type of religious background but there is a christian book called "Inside A Cutters Mind." Its all about how to help a cutter and to also try to understand the why and along those things. Just thought it might be useful. It has really helped me to get where I am now....in a positive way. Yes I decided to talk to my pastor about some of these things a little while ago. Well have a good night and thank you for the psoitiveness.

[Sannah]

Hi Tmac, I am sorry that you are in such distress right now. My explanation for depression is that it is from not learning how to express your feelings mostly and from learning some other maladaptive things. Of course you have to be susceptible to depression but it takes the environment to trigger it. Therapy is so important for learning what we need to do to feel better and for expressing all of those repressed feelings. Can you ask your T why she feels this way?

[tmac87]

Yes I can try to talk to my T again she just doesnt seem to want to listen to me ever. But I will try again.

[Sannah]

Please keep us posted..........