sick.

It seems from what I've read that everyone is ashamed that they've cut,
but the thing is after I do it I'm proud of myself and I just generally enjoy it. The relief I get from it is better than life itself. Am I just really screwed up?

cutting can be an addiction. it is dangerous and it mutilates and scars you. sooner or later that "high" will turn into something else, something ugly and painful.

I agree with Berries on that. Also, I don't think you are screwed up, but I do think that you need to find out why you feel the way you do and why you SI.

((Kathie))
This is completely understandable. I went through a period of time that I simply couldn't see why self harm was bad, why it mattered that I did it. That was up until my family found out, and I realized that I was not only hurting myself physically, I was hurting my family emotionally. And the more I thought about it, did those few minutes of relief help in the long run? Did they make the emotions I was truly facing go away for more than five minutes until I had to do it again, and again? And most importantly - why wasn't I turning to something that could help for more than five minutes, that could make things better without me having to physically hurt myself?

I found that self harm might feel great, might be a relief, but in the end you regret it. You might not know it now, but in a year from now when you look down at your skin and see scars, it won't be relief that you're feeling.

I know that I'm not the one that can tear you away from hurting yourself, but I can tell you that it's not worth it. The years worth of damage you'll bring yourself is not worth those few minutes of relief you get from injuring yourself. There are many better ways to help yourself, ways that don't include hurting yourself even more along the way. It's up to you to turn to them.

You're understood and supported, and above all else - you're important. You don't deserve to be hurt, especially by your own self. You deserve real help, and I hope that one day you are choose to accept it.

Take care of yourself. Always here for support.