My friend needs help and I don't know how to help.

My bestfriend is a severe cutter. I don't get to see him as much as I'd like but we talk everyday online... Everytime I talk to him, he's cut again. Everytime I see him, he has fresh cuts and somewhat new scars. He's constantly talking about wanting to die and the only reason he won't kill himself is because he doesn't want to hurt his friends... His mother died when he was 16, he doesn't know his real dad, he lives with a friend and the guys mom who is mean to him all the time. He's 20 now and has no goals in life except to die. But since he won't kill himself, he cuts to extremes on a daily basis.
I want help for him... But he refuses to get help. What can I do? What do I say to him that could be some sort of comfort? Is there anyway I can call someone and have him committed for professional help somewhere? He really needs help. I have a feeling if all this pain keeps up with him, he will end up killing himself. I can't bare to lose someone else I love. *sigh*

Bama, how old is your friend. do you have a friendship with his father? could you talk to his dad? what about a school counselor? or do you have a therapist? if you do, ask for their input and help. as for immediate help, continue to support him and listen to him and reassure him that you're here for him.....xoxo pat

He's 20, he doesn't know his real father so I can't talk to him... Neither of us are in school, so a school counselor is out of the question. I guess I'll talk to my private therapist next time I see her. I'm just so worried about him.

look for a crisis hotline in your area....look in the phone book and somewhere, either city, county or state, there will be a hotline. there has to be! they can help you help him.....what size is the hospital nearest to you? if it's big enough, they will have info that will help you.......xoxo

The adult unit at Mountain View is pretty big, maybe my therapist will be able to help me with it. I'll try finding a crisis line in the phone book. Thanks for the advice.

He said he had two new cuts on his arm lastnight that he did with a box cutter. Blah!

as much as u dont want to u might need to get with him and discuss your feelings-call an ambulance and stay until the come-get him help

Bama,

You are a good friend to be concerned about your friend like that. If you feel that he is in immediate danger, you can call 911 or maybe get some ideas from a hotline (but they would probably tell you to call 911). You might save his life by getting him help at a crucial moment. On the other hand, if you call 911 and he's not suicidal right then, he might just resent you for calling for an intervention that he doesn't feel he needs or wants. Or maybe he does want help and doesn't know how to get it. You could give him some resources that he can contact if and when he feels that he needs to, such as phone numbers for crisis lines and local mental health providers, particularly if there is one that he would be able to afford (sliding scale?), and you can offer to be there for him as much as you are able to.

Please remember that you can't make someone else want to change. They have to decide that themselves. You also can't be responsible for his choices. Please keep yourself safe, no matter what you do.

I've given him sites to go to, phone numbers, and suggested the local mental health center since he doesn't have insurance or money. He's refused all help and says he enjoys his pain. He's going to end up killing himself and I can't stand that thought. I've thought of calling 911 during one of his episodes (he sometimes talks to me during them), but can they make him get help? I'll do whatever it takes to help him even if that means him hating me for calling for professional help FOR him. I love him too much to watch him slowly kill himself.

if u call an ambulance when he is having an episode, they will take him to the hospital-same with the police. at the hospital they can put an mandatory 72 hour hold on him which means he cant sign himself out. after 72 hrs.,if the staff believes he needs further treatment, they will take his case to court where a judge will make that ruling. obviously if he is trying to kill himself when u call for help, three days later they wont release him b/c he is still considered a threat to himself-which no judge in their right mind would let them go (them being a suicidal person) hospitals are not torture chambers to lock up emotionally struggling people- they are there to protect people from harm to themselves. do what u need to. i do believe he does need the help he can get from a psychiatric hospital-he wont be happy with u at first but once he gets treatment and is back to himself-he will thank u. and u will feel better knowing he is somewhere safe from the suicidal thoughts he has-he cannot kill himself in the hospital-he can only get help! take care sweetie! keep me informed

They can protect him from himself on an immediate basis, and hold him for 72 hours, after that it would be up to a judge to hold him longer. I know in my own experience, when I had hurt myself and a neighbor reported it (not knowing what was going on), I was taken into protective custody because I was an obvious threat to myself. I convinced them that I wasn't actively suicical, and they let me out after an evaluation. And I sought help after that. Maybe having someone care enough to intervene would be enough of a jolt to get him to take advantage of help. But maybe not too. And maybe they would be able to hold him long enough that he could see the need for change. You can only do what is within your ability though. Keep yourself safe, and remember that you can't be responsible for his decisions, and he's only going to get better when it's his idea.