feels like it's not the old & good me anymore

Before:
i was like an angel who can't even speak a "****" word
i look so loyal to everyone that i can't disobey their orders
i can't speak to defend myself
i just forget about my heartaches easily
i am afraid to be thought as a bad girl

Now:
i can speak bad words wherever, whenever
i don't do stuffs if i don't feel like doing it, although it means disobedience
i shout and yell to anyone as i want, even unto the elders
i had a war for more that 2 years already with my parents, causing me to live with my grandmother alone in our own house, and having my parents & other siblings to rent to another house. in short, we're separated for more than 2 years.
i don't care if people think of me as a bad girl
i can't control myself from temptation of slitting my wrist
i don't care if they see the bloodflow in my wrist
i don't car if my wrist looks dirty because of scars
i'm greatly troubled why i became like this


as i've observed:
i lack love
i may be numb
i also need attention
the blood coming out from my skin gives me a feeling like that in taking adictive drugs- -nirvana, i feel better!

You made a good list of how you're different than you used to be... do you have a therapist or someone to work with to achieve this goal?

Hi zhyke, welcome. These ^ are definitely things that would cause pain. I see your transformation as progress. Being weak feels really bad. When we change, however, we frequently go to the opposite extreme. I am sure that you feel better at this extreme, however? Your journey isn't over. You have more healing to do. Therapy is imperative for this healing.