[Abby]

I love my family. I hate my family.
My family are the most supportive, caring, loving people.
My family are demanding, limited people.
My family are everything to me.
Sometimes i secretly wish that i had a mini parallel world to run to where i had no family. Just for a week or two.
There is never any space in my family.
There is always space in my family.
They tell me to take my time, go slowly, relax,
They expect me to shut up and get on with it.
They ask me to talk to them and not shut them out.
They don't give me the time to talk and we walk past each other mindlessly.
I prefer it when we walk through each others lives but never actually connect because when they randomly decide to come into my life it feels as though they are suffocating me.
I feel so pathetic for not being able to listen and cope with all the family dynamics and problems.
I feel so stupid that my family will talk to me when there is noone else that will listen and i feel over-loaded.
I feel so angry that my family expects me to do things i don't want to.
I AM SO ANGRY THAT I CAN'T TELL THEM THAT I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.
I attempt to....i say i'm not really interested in doing such and such.
They reply that it'll get me out the house which basically translates to 'i want you to do this'. Expectations.
They never hear me.
They try to hear me.
But they never listen.
I do understand, i know sometimes in life you have to do things that you don't want to in order to make the situation easier. And i know i should do it.
But i'm always doing it.
...
I'm being selfish.
...
I cut because it is me telling myself to put all my emotions and needs to one side and be what is expected.
Cutting tells me to go away because i'm not needed.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( Abby )))))))))))))))))

[Puffyprue]

((((((((((((((((abby))))))))))))))
it must be very hard to live this way unfortunately i live my life this way too ...
i dont know what to say just want you to know i care about you ...

[Sannah]

So what is going on with the choices that you are making concerning this topic? You are making your choices for a reason and this needs to be understood................ I'm a good listener if you want to try me out.

[Abby]

Thanks Fuzzy, i appreciate the hugs and care. It is nice someone listened.

Thankyou Puffyprue for caring and listening. It is difficult, as you will know.

Thanks Sannah for being open to listen more. I'm unsure what you meant by your post as i'm not making any choices as such. Unless you mean my choice to cut. I know that is a choice but sometimes it seems like the only way.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Abby

I feel so angry that my family expects me to do things i don't want to.
I AM SO ANGRY THAT I CAN'T TELL THEM THAT I DON'T WANT TO DO IT.
I attempt to....i say i'm not really interested in doing such and such.
They reply that it'll get me out the house which basically translates to 'i want you to do this'. Expectations.
i know sometimes in life you have to do things that you don't want to in order to make the situation easier. And i know i should do it.
But i'm always doing it.
...
I'm being selfish.
...
I cut because it is me telling myself to put all my emotions and needs to one side and be what is expected.
Cutting tells me to go away because i'm not needed.

I was referring to this Abby. There is a reason why you don't want to do what they want you to do and that this needs to be understood.

[Abby]

Thanks for clarifying Sannah. However i'm still a bit confused....i think that is me all over these days though! The reason i didn't want to do what they wanted on the specific occasion i was talking about in my initial post (although that feeling can be generalised out to encompass a lot more times when this happens!), is simply because it wasn't something i was interested in doing, i was really tired and needed some space, and i knew in order to go i'd have to pretend to be someone i'm not which takes a lot of effort these days and i was kinda annoyed that because of someone else deciding to do something i had to be dragged into everything and my plans (or lack thereof) were changed. If i'm going to go (which is what always happens because i'm too much of a wuss to put my foot down so i might as well accept it) i don't want to bring the entire mood down so i cut to make myself be better, there wouldn't be much point in me going an acting like a complete sour puss would there?

[Sannah]

Empowerment is really important for mental health. Is there a way for you to empower yourself more in these situations? And I see that you did have your reasons for the decisions that you wanted to make........