[dayley]

Hi guys I was just wondering if this is the normal reaction or not. I have been harming myself for lots of reasons for quite a while now. A few weeks ago I plucked up the courage to tell someone who I had been confiding in about the whole stuff in general and told him that I harm myself. He totally reacted in a way I wasn't expecting him to and demanded to see my arms to see if I was telling the truth??????????? Of course I did show him because I didn't want him to think I was a liar but I really wasn't expecting him to react like this to me and I was really shocked. I got so upset by his reaction that I feel I have started to lose my trust in him now and don't turn to him like I used to but then that leaves me with not many places to turn... am I over reacting? How should I deal with it when I see him next?

I'm so glad to find a place like this just through browsing the net...

maybe he was scared for you and wanted proof that you cut....couldn't that be it? i know i would probably react that way. i'd want to see the cuts and then go from there.....xoxoxoxo pat

[dayley]

Thanks I just wanted somebody else's reaction to see if it was me or not... thanks x

[HALLIEBETH87]

that seems like a normal reaction for most people. i have many people react like that to me, even at a hospital. dont let this one incident lose trust in such a great friend. take care! welcome to the forums.....we r always here to help!

[Rapunzel]

There isn't one normal way that people react. Usually there is some shock - it isn't an easy thing for someone to come to terms with. If it's someone close to you, quite often they tend to question what blame they might have in you needing to hurt yourself, and sometimes they can't handle that thought at all so they deny that it's true at all, or invent some explanation that they can deal with more easily. Other confidantes will also have their own emotional reaction to deal with, and disbelief is probably fairly common. There is more awareness of SI these days than there used to be, but I think people still think it is very rare (actually about one in a hundred people do it, so chances are most people know someone who self-injures), and we tend to be pretty secretive about it. When I have told people, the main reaction has been curiosity, and usually concern. Some did want to see it, because they were just curious about it, and had a lot of questions. My husband thinks that I do it to hurt him, and does tend to take it personally and feel hurt. There have been three therapists that I have told - the first didn't seem to believe me, and I didn't think he even heard me until he confronted me weeks later. That one was over 15 years ago. The other two have been very accepting, acknowleging that there was a reason why I hurt myself, and they didn't focus on the SI, but on the other things that I needed to work on. Hurting yourself is a symptom that there is something you need help with - it's not the real problem itself.

Next time you talk to your friend, you might not even talk about SI at all. But you could be prepared to give him some basic information about it, and if you are comfortable you might explain why you do it and how you feel that it helps you. Maybe also you could discuss what you are going to do about it - if you are harming yourself, there is something wrong and it really takes a professional to help you to work through it. If your friend feels like he needs to be responsible for helping you recover, that is a pretty big burden. I'm not saying that you are expecting that of him, but he may feel like he does need to do something to help you. He can't take on the responsibility to be your therapist, and needs to know that you don't expect him to, although if he is willing, he might be a great support to you in getting professional help (if you are not already) and providing social support as you deal with your issues in therapy.

[ickydog2006]

A lot of the people I have told reacted that way. Some want to see because they want to believe I'm lying about it. If your friend is willing to stay by your side through this, don't let this get in the way. I regret loosing friends because of this but for me it has mostly come down to what they want. I hope your friend will stick by you. Good Luck

[dayley]

Thanks guys - you have really helped me to see things in a better light - so thanks x