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#1
Feb 20, 2010, 09:31 AM
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I want to cry uncontrollably, cut uncontrollably and then someone to come and yell at me for being stupid childish drama queen and order me to get back to work. Kind of to repeat the story as it was after state physics exam back in highschool, when I came home and cried the whole day nonstop because I thought I failed it, and then my mom came in the evening and ordered me to stop acting out and go to sleep. And so I did.
The only difference - I didn't cut then. I want to want to hurt myself really badly, to make up for all the times when I really really wanted to get drunk and overdose (not in sui way, just to make myself feel really really bad), but couldn't, either because I wasn't alone or I had some very very important stuff to do the next day. I could do it today, but I don't feel like it and it makes me MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD MAD 
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I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead I lift my lids and all is born again I think I made you up inside my head |
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#2
Feb 20, 2010, 09:40 AM
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I'm sorry you're feeling very frustrated. Do you have a therapist? Have you tried holding ice cubes in your hands - many people find this is a good coping technique. There also good info in the 'sticky' post at the top of this forum. I hope you feel some relief soon.
__________________
 This is our little cutie Bella  *Practice on-line safety. *Cheaters - collecting jar of hearts. *Make your mess, your message. *"Be the change you want to see" (Gandhi) |
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#3
Feb 20, 2010, 08:45 PM
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Hello, 3velniai. What would your therapist say?
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#4
Feb 21, 2010, 07:52 AM
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Quote:
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I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead I lift my lids and all is born again I think I made you up inside my head |
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#5
Feb 21, 2010, 02:06 PM
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Good luck tomorrow. Please let us know how it goes.
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#6
Feb 22, 2010, 09:43 AM
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So it sounds like you are stuck between being able to do what you want and being restrained by others or by situations that keep you busy? How did your T appt. go?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#7
Feb 22, 2010, 02:59 PM
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It was a crappy appt. Not that it was bad, but I realized I'll start to cry if I say a word about the things that matter, and I don't want to be that stupid crying thing in front of her, so I spent the whole hour trying not to cry and we talked about small stuff like my workload, short holiday and feeding seagulls. I want to tell her a lot of things, just not when I'm in the room. Blah... I guess I'm too stupid for therapy, part of me never thought that therapy is a good idea, maybe that part is right after all.
Feel like falling into the hurt myself --> be a mess at work tomorrow --> mess up work stuff --> feel guilty --> go hurt myself some more --> be a mess at work day after that cycle.
__________________
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead I lift my lids and all is born again I think I made you up inside my head |
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#8
Feb 22, 2010, 03:04 PM
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Vel, I'm so sorry that you are disppointed in your appt. It is understandable that you want to stay composed in therapy but look what can't be accomplished if you hold to this rule. Can you be flexible about this desire to stay composed? You can work through this Vel. Please don't throw in the towel...........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
 TheByzantine
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#9
Feb 22, 2010, 03:15 PM
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I don't know... I don't know anything about anything... feel like my normal thinking is slowly switching off and I don't feel like fighting to stay "normal", "logical", "present" or similar. Wrote a stupid email to T, shouldn't have done that, shouldn't have done that...
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I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead I lift my lids and all is born again I think I made you up inside my head |
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#10
Feb 22, 2010, 03:29 PM
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Would you be able to put what is really bothering you in an email and send it before your next session?
Would you also be willing before your next session to do some research on the benefits of crying? Good luck. |
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#11
Feb 23, 2010, 10:35 AM
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How's it going Vel?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#12
Feb 23, 2010, 02:27 PM
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it seems like this week can't get more complicated than it is now because the theoretical limits of being complicated are already exceeded. I had the huge (I mean HUGE) misunderstanding with T because of the stupid email I sent her yesterday. And I have to decide if I want to switch jobs until Friday. I have no idea what I want, not in this state of mind. Bad bad BAD time for making decisions. I want to cut to just make my head clear again. I don't see any other way to achieve that. And no holding ice cubes will solve it. Damn. I'm a mess.
__________________
I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead I lift my lids and all is born again I think I made you up inside my head |
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#13
Feb 23, 2010, 02:40 PM
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Quote:
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| 3velniai
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#14
Feb 23, 2010, 04:08 PM
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You 2 should be able to work out the misunderstanding. There is a lot of good stuff that comes out of working through that. Are you all trying to work it out?
Do you want to talk more about the job issue here so that it becomes clearer to you?
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
| 3velniai
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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