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#1
Feb 24, 2010, 11:35 PM
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Today was a really bad day. I don't know why. It was one of those days that starts out ok but spirals down really quickly. I told a close friend today, who used to have the same SI problem. And he was really nice and supportive. But it just made me feel worse knowing that he cares. I feel like a failure piece of cr#$. Everything I have been trying is failing. I can only think about how much I hate myself, how worthless I am, and how much I want to cut really, really deep. Deeper then ever before. All the way through. And not stop anymore. I can't help it and I know deep inside I don't want to and it's not the right way. And I shouldn't. And I can't not. I can't. I am losing everything. I don't know what to do. I don't want to cut but I really, really, really do. That's all I want, but I know I don't want to. It's just so frustrating. I'm failing and falling. I'm going to T for the first time in a while and actually thought I could have a chance. But I don't think I do anymore. I'm failing terribly. And all I want is to just feel it. And to not stop. And I'm going crazy and I'm miserable. I don't know what to do. I don't even know if I can make it to T on Saturday. Or school tomorrow. Or anywhere.
Sorry if I post too much. Sorry that this was basically just a rant, just had to get it out. Sorry.
__________________
"Though I laugh, and act like a clown, beneath this mask I am wearing a frown." "My humor hides my pain but inside it still remains." "No matter how far I run, I'll never be able to run far enough to get away from the memories you've left me with." "I want to be left alone, but at the same time I don't..." "Depression is like Quicksand. Its easy to fall deeper and hard to pull yourself out." "I'm so lonely. Surrounded by people that know me but don't know a thing." "Its like the world is trying to tell me that it doesn't need me anymore." "Sometimes i look in the mirror and wish i could see nothing" "I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying." "This love, this hate, is burning me away." "I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine for the very last time." Last edited by beatlesmarley; Feb 25, 2010 at 02:11 AM. Reason: sp. |
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#2
Feb 25, 2010, 11:22 AM
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Marley, I'm sorry that you are feeling so bad!
 I'm sorry that your friend's nice response made you feel bad too ..... Do you not think that you deserve any nice treatment? How are you doing today? Please stay safe and please do not cut yourself really deep, okay? You know that it will solve nothing........
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#3
Feb 25, 2010, 11:30 AM
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Nothing wrong with an occaisional rant, sometimes good to get things out.
I hope you are feeling better. |
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#4
Feb 25, 2010, 12:44 PM
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Please keep on talking, music man. Therapy will help you to hear the soothing sounds that you need to hear right now.
Good luck. |
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#5
Feb 25, 2010, 08:38 PM
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I don't think I deserve anything. It doesn't matter what I say or do to anyone. All my "life" it hasn't mattered. Why would I deserve anything if I get treated like I am. Or feel how I do. I'm just a worthless, stupid person. I don't deserve a thing.
Even worse. I'm supposed to be going to my old T on Saturday. I was planning on telling her this. I don't even know if I can make it that long. Today has been really bad. Worse then yesterday. Which I didn't think was possible. Somebody has been spreading rumors of me cutting class all the time. And they even went so far as to tell my mom. None of it is true. But now I'm in major trouble. And getting hurt really bad. Worse then ever before. I hate myself, my mom, the person, myself, myself, myself, myself, and living. I can't stand it. It might not solve anything to cut deep, but it can definitely just completely stop it all. Even worse. I'm supposed to be going to my old T on Saturday. I was planning on telling her this. I don't even know if I can make it that long.
__________________
"Though I laugh, and act like a clown, beneath this mask I am wearing a frown." "My humor hides my pain but inside it still remains." "No matter how far I run, I'll never be able to run far enough to get away from the memories you've left me with." "I want to be left alone, but at the same time I don't..." "Depression is like Quicksand. Its easy to fall deeper and hard to pull yourself out." "I'm so lonely. Surrounded by people that know me but don't know a thing." "Its like the world is trying to tell me that it doesn't need me anymore." "Sometimes i look in the mirror and wish i could see nothing" "I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying." "This love, this hate, is burning me away." "I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine for the very last time." Last edited by beatlesmarley; Feb 25, 2010 at 10:50 PM. |
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#6
Feb 26, 2010, 08:34 AM
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Marley, it is one more day. Please hold on! Please go and tell her how desperate you are feeling. Please!!!
__________________
Don't let your problems or the world make you feel small. Stretch your arms out over your head. Take a deep breathe. Tell yourself that you are big. You are big, not small. You always have space, you are not trapped........ I'm an ISFJ |
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#7
Feb 26, 2010, 03:39 PM
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#8
Feb 27, 2010, 02:22 AM
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I know it's one more day. Im trying. The apoinstments at 8 AM. I still dont know how Im going to adress this. Or if I am.
Thanks TheByz. Yeah. Makes sense. Especialy the parent stuff in the begginning.
__________________
"Though I laugh, and act like a clown, beneath this mask I am wearing a frown." "My humor hides my pain but inside it still remains." "No matter how far I run, I'll never be able to run far enough to get away from the memories you've left me with." "I want to be left alone, but at the same time I don't..." "Depression is like Quicksand. Its easy to fall deeper and hard to pull yourself out." "I'm so lonely. Surrounded by people that know me but don't know a thing." "Its like the world is trying to tell me that it doesn't need me anymore." "Sometimes i look in the mirror and wish i could see nothing" "I'm tired of trying, sick of crying, I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying." "This love, this hate, is burning me away." "I'll be fine, I'll be fine, I'll be fine for the very last time." |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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