Suicidal...

I have never ACTUALLY thought about killing myself... hurting myself was the farthest I have ever wanted to go... but last night thoughts just kept running through my head that made me want to do it. I thought about how I really don't matter. I thought about how nobody would care...
Nothing is too bad right now... but I still feel like this. I hate this feeling.

(((HZ)))
Do you have a T? Anyone like that you can trust and talk to about how you are feeling? I really think you need to talk to someone soon.
I know how you are feeling though, I know those thoughts, and you are right I hate that feeling too.
Take care and keep posting.
Hugs,
Jen

Are these just thoughts or are you in danger?? I have a good link - would you like me to PM it to you? Please be patient and wait -these feelings will pass

Let me tell you a few things I learned this week that could help you. First and formost, I was Suicidal for several years, I know how you feel. I also know how it feels to let go of those feelings. The sooner you do it now, the better off you will be. You may still feel down but, you'll be safe.

Second let's look at a few of the things you said... "I thought about how nobody would care" I have to say, MANY people would care about it if you left this world. It's like being away for some time but you can't come back. People do miss you when you go to another place away from them. Weither you believe it or not.

Next, "I hate this feeling" The thing I said after that is, ME TOO. We hate it but in the end when we not give in to temptation but learn from the experience.

Finnally, try and distract yourself, it does help. Being on here can help. You can PM me and I would be more than happy to help. And remember People do care about you. Please try and be safe, and keep us posted. WE care!!

Something I did to help me with some of the feelings like "nobody cares" is when I'm in a good place and thinking clearly I made a list (I love lists) of everyone that I would like to come to my funeral if something happened and I died.

I then transferred that to the thought of "they would come because they DO care, I am loved." All those on that list would be deeply hurt for a long time because I matter. I have a purpose even if I don't know what that purpose is exactly.

I transfer that list then to a new list of "people who care" and picked out the three closest to me and put down their phone numbers so I can call them when I'm in a bad place. I told them that I have bad thoughts sometimes and they've told me that if I need to I can call them day or night. One family even told me that I can come to their house and hang out in their living room if it keeps me safe. I love them so much and they are the ones that I try to think of when bad things go through my mind.

Do you think you could do something like this? Even if your answer right now is "no", try making a list and see where it takes you. Talk to the people on that list and know that they do care and many of them might surprise you with their own stories.

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Just know that everyone is here for you. I'm usually on here all the time unless I step away a little bit to try to relax so if you ever wanna talk or anything you can pm me. Good luck hun!