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  #1  
Old Mar 18, 2010, 09:32 PM
moonrise moonrise is offline
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I've not SI in about 1 month. My usual form of SI is cutting/burning/hitting. Lately I've been getting very strong urges to use a drill or saw on myself. Not something I intend to do, but the urge us crazy strong. I want to "accidentally" cut off a finger tip, or drill into myself. I imagine the relief I would feel. I am holding off, because I know how much damage that could create. These very violent urges are new, though, even though I've SI for over 12 years, on and off. My deal with myself was to not cut/burn. I didn't even consider saws or drills. The thoughts simply won't go away. Makes me feel so crazy.

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  #2  
Old Mar 19, 2010, 08:28 AM
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Sannah Sannah is offline
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Moon, I can't remember if you are in therapy? It is hard to stop SI until you have dealt with the underlying issues that are driving it. Be safe!
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  #3  
Old Mar 19, 2010, 01:32 PM
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jennaorgana jennaorgana is offline
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moon those para-suicidal ideas and idealizations are not uncommon. i am sure that thinking about doing all those things are a million times better than acting it out.

you arent crazy at all!! a ton of people think this way, including me. you're okay, not crazy, and you'll get through this.

a month!! that's awesome!! i am very proud of u!! keep it up moon, you are going to do great.
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  #4  
Old Mar 19, 2010, 05:26 PM
moonrise moonrise is offline
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Yeah, I'm in therapy, which has helped tremendously.

Jenna, glad others have similar thoughts. Well, not glad, but ykwim. What bothers me is that we have power tools in use all the time, and I'm clumsy enough that an "accident" could easily happen. I'm also exhausted and sick, and seem to have less strength to fight when I'm worn out like this.
  #5  
Old Mar 19, 2010, 05:52 PM
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puzzclar puzzclar is offline
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Less strength does not equal the act of doing what you have thought of. I have been there, wanted to do something verry much, but didn't think I had Strength Enough. Well Guess what, I did because i didn't give up or give in to those urges. It does take a lot of effort to get through it but, think of it this way, When you get through this time, If there are next times, they will be easier to deal with. Just be glad that you don't have to deal with what you are dealing with and MOVING at the same time, and then tell me how you feel. Times are tough right now for lots of people, on PC and off PC. But the last thing I have to say is Read my signature, it has the power to help you to over come and gain some strength for even just a few minutes.
  #6  
Old Mar 21, 2010, 11:59 AM
TheByzantine
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One month and counting. wOOt
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