[hereiam]

...if I didn't tell everyone how easy my distraction is.

People constantly say, "Write it out, journal it, keep a diary" blah blah blah. It's supposed to help. It's supposed to get out the emotions we can't verbalize or the thoughts wouldn't dare tell others.

But for me, for some reason I can't explain, writing actually works. Not for anything else, ever, but this. Resistance. I almost cut tonight...I was very close. EVERYTHING was triggering. I simply looked at my skin and it was triggering. Everything had to do with skin, blades, and blood. I hadn't really experienced that before. So when it became too much, I went to go online and come here for support (I promised myself I'd try to get SOME help if I ever came close to cutting) and while my computer was signing online, I grabbed my journal. I was anxious, shakey, my mind was elsewhere and the frustration was building. I grabbed a pencil and jotted down the date and time.

A few simple, to-the-point lines later, I was unexplainably calm. It was weird. I had gone to this unbearable frustration and confusion to a focused, quiet calm in a few short sentences. That was all it took, and I was surprised. How could that have been my remedy all along?

I wanted to share this because like I said before, if I didn't I feel like I would have been doing an injustice to all who post here. Writing works for me, when I could have swore to you beforehand that it wouldn't. Maybe one day, when you get the urge to cut, you could just write something down instead? One policy I have for myself when writing is this: honesty. Don't ********, don't lie, don't sugarcoat it and don't try to be some artsy writer with all the right words. Nobody else is going to read it. This took me a few tries at first, and I'm still working on it, but it's soothing. Being honest with yourself isn't easy...but I think the more you do it the better you get at it.

Anyway, enough with my psychobabble, I just wanted you all to know and hopefully someone tries this one day instead of cutting. Lots of love to you all, please try and stay safe!

[BamaSurvivor]

((((((((((hereiam))))))))))

I'm so proud and glad that writing has become an escape for you when you are feeling ready to use the blade! That's awesome! Writing has helped me a great deal too. It's helped many. So glad you've found something to help with you as well. Congrats!

thanks heriam... Writing is great for me too. I'm also going to learn how to quilt. Woo hooo.